BROADCASTS.com

b'

Here in the US, the third Monday of January is a national holiday to honor Dr. Martin Luther King, jr., the civil rights leader. I recently came across one of his quotes where he said

\\u201cIn the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. \\u201d

I\\u2019ve seen the truth of his comment played out several times in my life. It\'s what I talk about in today\\u2019s episode because it speaks to a relational skill we would do well to master. But first,

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page, enter your name and email address, then click on the follow or subscribe button. The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

The day our pastor yelled at me

When I first read the quote from Martin Luther King an incident popped up into my mind, like a jack-in-the-box that just sprung loose. It was the time the silence of my friends drowned out the words of my \\u201cenemy.\\u201d It happened the night the pastor of the church yelled at me.

• A deacon board meeting at church (we had no elder board at the time) A concern we talked about that evening was people leaving the church
• The 8 of us sat at several tables arranged in a horseshoe. I suggested we contact those leaving and ask why. Do exit interviews
• The pastor got angry, and while pounding his fist on a table said to me, \\u201cWe don\\u2019t need to do that. I know why people are leaving. It\\u2019s families where the wife wears the pants in the family. Those are the people who are leaving the church!\\u201d
• His take on the problem was completely inaccurate. His anger caught me and everyone else off guard. I never considered him my \\u201cenemy.\\u201d But what struck me most about that evening and what I remember to this day was the \\u201csilence of my friends\\u201d sitting at that board meeting with me.
• Without regard to the pastor\\u2019s analysis of the issue, which in my view was woefully inaccurate, no one said anything in the meeting. Notjhing about his yelling at me and pounding his fist on the table. Even if you agreed with the pastor\\u2019s view, it was inappropriate to respond as he did.

The silence of our friends

• No one said a word to him, or to me, and I felt like I was hanging in the wind because no one called the pastor out for his outburst
• Who are these people I thought? Are they that weak?
• Days latter an older man on the board, my father\\u2019s age, did tell me privately that the pastor\\u2019s reaction to my suggestion was totally inappropriate. But he said nothing at the meeting
• As I think about that night, I think about the times I\\u2019ve been weak myself in failing to speak the truth when someone needed defending.
• I can think of two occasions where I failed to stand up strongly enough for two different youth pastors in two different churches. Both of these guys were great youth pastors. In one case, the board was legalistic and intolerant of new ways of doing youth ministry, and in the other, the senior pastor was intimidated by how gifted his youth pastor was in relating to people, and in his preaching, which was superior to his own.

Others who spoke for me when I couldn\'t speak for myself

These examples of \\u201cthe silence of our friends\\u201d reminds me of several times when people actually did stand up for me. When they spoke for me. As a high school student, an English teacher recognized that I was capable of higher-level academic work and advocated for me to be placed on a more advanced track.

In my book, THEM, I write about a guidance counselor who was able to get financial aid for me to attend college 250 miles from home when I had no hope of ever getting any help. It\\u2019s no exaggeration to say that what she did changed the course of my life. For the better.

There are times in life when we could all use an advocate. And there are times when God presents us with opportunities to be an advocate for others. To speak on their behalf when they can\\u2019t speak for themselves.

Ending my silence to speak for those who couldn\\u2019t

A number of years ago I was at an annual meeting of the church we were attending. These are normally pretty dull affairs, at least for me. But in this particular meeting, there was a discussion about a missionary couple the church had been supporting for many years. The plan at this meeting was to stop supporting this couple because they were \\u201cretiring\\u201d and moving back to the US. People seemed in favor of this idea.

But I knew this coupleI knew that their definition of \\u201cretiring\\u201d was to return back to the US and continue the Bible translation work they had been doing for people groups in Asia for several decades. They didn\\u2019t need to be in Asia to do their work, but they still planned to travel back there on occasion. They were going to be working just as hard in the US as they were in Asia.

I\\u2019m not one to speak up in meetings like this, but I did this time. I couldn\\u2019t sit in silence while decisions were made about them. Fortunately, that original proposal was dropped, and their support continued.

Speaking up for teenagers

• I was a teacher back in the \\u201870s at a high school in a semi-rural area in S.E. Wisconsin
• Kids, mostly boys complained about the poor condition of the student parking lot behind the school. Lots of potholes. Suspension systems being ruined. It was a mess.
• The students voiced their complaints, but nothing was done to correct the problem
  My solution: check with the police and see if there is anything prohibiting parking along the highway in front of the school. If it\\u2019s legal to park there, start doing that and see what happens. So that\\u2019s what they did.
• It caught the attention of everyone. Within a couple of months, the city passed a \\u201cno parking\\u201d ordinance and put up signs along the highway in front of the school. Eventually, the parking lot was repaired.
• It brought me joy seeing these kids getting their voices heard. Their actions broke the silence of the school administration in ways their words could not.
• It\\u2019s been decades since this happened and several years ago I happened to be driving past this old high school where I taught and saw that the \\u201cNo Parking\\u201d signs are still there.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

It\\u2019s just a couple of days past the Martin Luther King holiday here in the US, and it makes me wonder how the quote of his I mentioned in the beginning has been part of your experience. Where you remember not so much the words of your enemies as you do the silence of your friends.

It also makes me wonder if you are anything like me, where your silence, is like mine. And it has kept you from speaking up for someone who can\\u2019t speak for themself. Is there anyone you think God may want you to advocate for?

We certainly are not to speak up about everything. And many times the wisest thing to do is to sit in our silence and watch what happens.

It takes Godly wisdom to know when to speak, and when to remain silent.

Here\\u2019s the main of the episode I hope you take away with you

Here in the week where we honor Martin Luther King, jr. let\\u2019s take his words to heart and not become one of those he mentions in his statement, \\u201cWe remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.\\u201d Let\\u2019s pray for wisdom to know when, and how, to speak up and give voice to those who can\\u2019t speak for themself.

Closing

Before we wrap up today\\u2019s show, if you\\u2019d like some input regarding a relationship question or issue you\\u2019re dealing with, I\\u2019d love to hear from you. Just go to JohnCertalic.com/question to leave me a voicemail. If you\\u2019d rather put your question in writing, just enter it in the "Leave a Comment" box at the bottom of the show notes.

I\\u2019ll do my best to answer your question in a future episode.

In closing, I\\u2019d also love to hear any thoughts you have about today\\u2019s episode. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\\u2019s show, enough to put into practice what you\\u2019ve just heard about speaking up for others who need you.

For when you do, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God desires for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\\u2019s it for today. If there\\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. Scroll down to the bottom of the show notes. Then click on one of the options in the yellow \\u201cShare This\\u201d bar.

And don\\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. And I\\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Other episodes or resources related to today\\u2019s shows

139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?

021: The Most Important Relationship of All

THEM - The Richer Life Found in Caring for Others

The place to access all past and future episode:\\xa0 JohnCertalic.com

Last week\\u2019s episode

193: The Underachievers Bible Reading Plan for 2023

Our Sponsor

You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. The generosity of people like you supports our ministry. It enables us to continue this weekly podcast and other services we provide to missionaries around the world.