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There are so many thoughts about relationships running around in my head lately that I\\u2019ve wanted to share with you. They\\u2019ve been like little kids scrambling for the candy thrown from 4th of July floats parading down the street. I\\u2019ll tell you about a few of them in today\\u2019s episode because they\\u2019re examples of good relationships I\\u2019ve seen in action that can inspire us to relate in similar ways with the people in our lives.

But before we get into today\'s topic, here\\u2019s what this podcast is all about.

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page, enter your name and email address, then click on the follow or subscribe button. The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

Observing a good relationship in action

The first example of good relationships in action is something I saw at our granddaughter\\u2019s tennis tournament several weeks ago. As I was getting the lawn chairs out of our vehicle, another one pulled in next to me - a couple in their late 30s, I would guess. When the wife got out of their van, she looked at me and asked, \\u201cAre you a therapist? I saw your license plate and wondered if you\\u2019re a therapist.\\u201d My license plate, as you can see from the photo in the show notes, reads \\u201cI LISTEN.\\u201d

I said I wasn\\u2019t, but that I LISTEN refers to a major theme of the podcast I do. I then asked her if she listens to podcasts. She said she does and asked the name of mine, so I told her. It was interesting that she connected listening with therapy. Good therapists do listen, of course. Good friends listen even more. But I don\\u2019t think I\\u2019ll ever be asked, \\u201cAre you a good friend to people?\\u201d

I wondered later if SHE was a therapist. I wish I would have asked her. That could have made for an interesting conversation. Instead, I started to talk to her husband as he pulled a baby stroller out of the back of their minivan. I asked him if he knew someone playing in the tournament. He told me, \\u201cno,\\u201d but were there to watch the granddaughter of one of their friends play.

Relational Sunshine at a tennis tournament

What a great example of good relationships in action. This couple supporting their older friend by being at his side while he supported his granddaughter by watching her tennis match. The couple and grandfather could have been
doing other things on the beautiful sunny Saturday of the tennis tournament. But that\\u2019s how it is with good relationships, they involve sacrifice at times.

Without knowing it, this couple spread a little relational sunshine into my life that morning. I wish we were neighbors. They just showed up for their friend and his granddaughter. They reminded me that I can do the same thing for others. And so can you.

The relationship between the grandfather, his friends, and the granddaughter reminded me of what a missionary once told me about how people could best care for her. She said, \\u201cWhen you love my baby, you love me\\u2026even if my baby is 23.\\u201d What a great principle to nurture good relationships.

Missed opportunities to nurture good relationships

That Saturday at the tennis tournament, I was struck by how few parents or other adults come to watch their children or grandchildren play. It\\u2019s never crowded at a high school tennis match. I can understand low attendance at weekday matches late in the afternoon after school lets out. It would be hard for many parents with jobs to get to there on time. But Saturday matches? Come on people.

It\\u2019s similar to what I experienced when our son played high school basketball. We would go to his games and get to meet the parents of the other players. At one particular game, I remember talking to one of the other fathers, mentioning I hadn\\u2019t seen him in a while, and that it was good to have him back in the stands with the rest of us.

He said, \\u201cYeah, I haven\\u2019t been coming because my son doesn\\u2019t get to play much. He just sits on the bench. No sense in coming if he\\u2019s not playing.\\u201d

Ouch, I thought. What a missed opportunity to be part of his son\\u2019s life without having to say or do anything. Just sit and watch, even if his boy is on the bench. Just show up. We underestimate the power of showing up for things our kids are involved in. Our son sat on the bench for a while, too. But to only come when your kid is playing sends the wrong kind of message.

It says, \\u201cI want to be part of your life when you\\u2019re succeeding, namely when the coach gets you off the bench and puts you in the game. But otherwise, not so much.\\u201d This isn\\u2019t the way to develop good relationships with your children.

Tell people how they impacted you makes for good relationships

Here\\u2019s another example of a good relationship at work. There\\u2019s a small diner near us where Janet and I have gotten to know the manager. She was working the grill the last time we were there. It was quite busy, but when things slowed down, she came out to our booth and said, \\u201cI just listened to your latest podcast episode, and it brought me to tears. I\\u2019m going to go back to episode 1 and start listening to all of them. I especially want to hear the interview that you did about the wife who cleaned off the grave marker of her husband\'s first wife.\\u201d

What kind and thoughtful comments for the manager to make in the midst of her busy shift. I got a little sunburn from this relational sunshine.

Good relationships can be nurtured by applying what we read in books

The last relationship thought I\\u2019ll leave you with comes from a book I\\u2019m reading by Alan Alda entitled If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face - My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating. You remember Alan Alda from M*A*S*H, don\\u2019t you? Among other things, he talks in the book about how people can actually learn empathy. Really, people can LEARN to be empathetic? That\\u2019s encouraging! It\\u2019s such an important part of good relationships. I\\u2019m going to review the book in more detail in a future episode. It\\u2019s really quite good.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

How can you use what you\\u2019ve heard today to improve the relationships in YOUR life?

In the relationship stories I mentioned today, a common theme in all 3 is that they came about by observing.

Observing the couple coming to the tennis tournament to support their friend and his granddaughter. The restaurant manager observing how someone was impacting her life and then telling that person. And finally, observing what an author says in his book that will help good relationships develop.

So what are you observing in others? In yourself? In the books you read? I\\u2019d love to hear any examples you observe of good relationships in action. I bet the rest of our listening audience would, too. You can send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org, or by filling in the Leave a Comment box at the end of the show notes.

Here\\u2019s the main takeaway I hope you remember from today\\u2019s episode

One way to develop good relationships is to watch how other people do it. Notice how people show up for one another, how they listen and encourage each other. And then do what they do with your relationships.

Closing

I\\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\\u2019s episode. In closing, I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\\u2019s show, enough to put into practice what you\\u2019ve just heard about developing good relationships.

For when you do, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God wants for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\\u2019s it for today. If there\\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. The link is JohnCertalic.com/178.

And don\\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. And I\\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Related episodes you may want to listen to

172: How to Develop Deeper Relationships
139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?
021: The Most Important Relationship of All

Last Week\'s Episode

177: How to Relate With High-Maintenance People

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