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Hello everyone and welcome to episode 120, \\u201cThe Best Relationship Advice From This Summer.\\u201d

Did summer go by too quickly for you? It did for me. \\u201cSummer deserves a speeding ticket,\\u201d as someone once said.

Another author commented, \\u201cA fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer\\u2019s wave goodbye.\\u201d Before we wave goodbye to summer, and to season 5 of this podcast, I want to share the best relationship advice I came across this past summer.

Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young

It comes from Sarah Young\\u2019s devotional book, Jesus Calling. For each day of the year, Young shares her application of two or three Bible verses to encourage people with the hope found in scripture. There are lots of books like this. But what makes her book unique is that it\\u2019s written in the first-person narrative as if Jesus himself was speaking directly to the reader. I find it quite intimate and personal.

Young\\u2019s entry for August 3rd contains for me, the best relationship advice of this past summer. It\\u2019s just two paragraphs that I\\u2019ll start reading, making a few observations as we go.

August 3rd entry

Picture Jesus calling to you with these words:

WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY. Words have such great power to bless or to wound. When you speak carelessly or negatively, you damage others as well as yourself.

My first observation is that it\\u2019s interesting to think we damage ourselves when we\\u2019re negative or careless with our words. In doing so, we move away from the best version of ourself. For the best version of ourself is cautious about the harm we can do to someone. There are times when it is appropriate to deal with the negative in another person, but to do it positively, and carefully. Like a parent correcting a child. Like a friend who shares something negative they observe in you, but who does it in a kind and gentle way to help you become more the person God created you to be.

Sarah Young goes on to write, speaking as Jesus,
The ability to verbalize is an awesome privilege, granted only to those I created in my image. You need help in wielding this mighty power responsibly.

Humans are the only creatures who can bless - or wound - with our words. We\\u2019re the only ones with language. It\\u2019s one of the things that makes us human. And we certainly do need help in handling this power we\\u2019ve been give to bless or wound people.

Communicate differently from the rest of the world

She continues,
Though the world applauds quick-witted retorts, My instructions about communication are quite different: \\u201cBe quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. \\u201c

So many comedy TV shows are filled with quick, sarcastic retorts. It\\u2019s hard to follow sometimes. I picture writers for these TV shows in meetings all clamoring to get their sarcastic one-liner responses into the scripts, and so
they add one after the other after the other. But that\\u2019s not how we talk. It\\u2019s not how we live.

The reference to "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" is one of my favorites in the Bible. I conduct workshops on this passage from James 1:19, suggesting 5 principles of being quick to listen, and another 5 for what it means to be slow to speak. We\\u2019ll talk about these in future episodes. I\\u2019ve said this before, but what passes for communication skills in our culture today, is almost always about how and what to speak. Precious little on how to listen.

The best one-word prayer: Help!

Back to Jesus talking to us:
Ask MY Spirit to help you whenever you speak. I have trained you to pray - \\u201cHelp me, Holy Spirit\\u201d - before answering the phone, and you have seen the benefits of this discipline.

This so reminds me of Anne Lamont\\u2019s book about prayer, Help, Thanks, Wow. Help is the most basic of prayers.

Sarah Young goes on to say,
Simply apply the same discipline to communicating with people around you. If they are silent, pray before speaking to them. If they are talking, pray before responding. These are split-second prayers, but they put you in touch with My Presence. In this way, your speaking comes under the control of My Spirit.

What a great way of relating to others, and to Jesus. Asking Him to direct your thoughts and words in relating to others. In meeting with people as my wife and I do, and hearing their struggles, it\\u2019s often a matter of asking God for help in knowing how to respond. And it certainly is split second. Split nano-second to be sure.

The author concludes with,
As positive speech patterns replace your negative one, the increase in your Joy will amaze you.

Supporting verses from the Bible

She then lists the James 1:19 verse about being quick to listen and slow to speak, followed by Proverbs 12:18, which says, \\u201cSome people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.\\u201d

And then Ephesians 4:29, \\u201cDon\\u2019t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.\\u201d

For me, I find all of this the best relationship advice there is from this past summer. I\\u2019ll read Sarah Young\\u2019s two-paragraph entry from August 3rd again, without commentary from me so you can soak it all in.

The Best Relationship Advice from this past summer

WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY. Words have such great power to bless or to wound. When you speak carelessly or negatively, you damage others as well as yourself. The ability to verbalize is an awesome privilege, granted only to those I created in my image. You need help in wielding this mighty power responsibly.

Though the world applauds quick-witted retorts, My instructions about communication are quite different: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Ask MY Spirit to help you whenever you speak. I have trained you to pray - \\u201cHelp me, Holy Spirit\\u201d - before answering the phone, and you have seen the benefits of this discipline. Simply apply the same discipline to communicating with people around you. If they are silent, pray before speaking to them. If they are talking, pray before responding. These are split-second prayers, but they put you in touch with My Presence. In this way, your speaking comes under the control of my Spirit. As positive speech patterns replace your negative one, the increase in your Joy will amaze you.

Here\\u2019s the main point I hope you remember from today\\u2019s episode

Let\\u2019s all of us wave back to summer by applying Sarah Young\\u2019s best relationship advice. Namely, pray, \\u201cHelp me, Holy Spirit\\u201d before I talk to the silent people in my life, as well as before I respond to those who so readily talk.

I\\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\\u2019s episode.

Closing

In closing, if you found this podcast helpful, please follow us wherever you get your podcasts, if you haven\\u2019t already done so.

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\\u2019s show, to both reflect and to act by asking for God\\u2019s help through his spirit before you talk to people. This will help you find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\\u2019s all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week, and the start of season six of You Were Made for This. Until then, goodbye for now.

Related episodes you may want to listen to:

065 End with this Important Question

088 Thank You for Asking

112 Two Ways to Listen Well in 2021

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