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Published: June 16, 2021, 8 a.m.

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 109, Rekindle Relationships by Remembering.

Because of the global pandemic, it had been about 15 months since my wife Janet and I last saw our friend in person. I\u2019ll call her \u201cKatherine,\u201d a name I\u2019m making up because she is a very private person and dislikes any attention drawn to her. She\u2019ll probably cringe when she hears this episode.

But as we near the tail-end of Covid-19\u2019s grip on us all, Katherine did something so beautiful that I need to share it with all of you. It was such a kind and thoughtful gesture that rekindled her relationship with my wife Janet. It was something we can all do with our own relationships.

Keep listening to pick up a great idea or two to stimulate your thinking of how you can come out from our global relational hibernation.

My story starts with a phone call from Katherine. She asked if anyone was going to be home because she wanted to drop something off for Janet.

When Katherine arrived Janet hadn\u2019t gotten home yet, so she gave me a card to give her and a medium-size house plant. What followed was a simple, natural, heartfelt expression of the ORA principle of deepening one\u2019s relationships we\u2019ve been talking about in recent episodes: Observe - Remember - Ask. If you\u2019re new to the podcast I\u2019ll have links in the show notes to an episode or two explaining this concept.

For today though, I\u2019m going to change the A in ORA to something else, which I\u2019ll explain in a minute.

Observe

The Observe component of ORA started off with Katherine saying,

\u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about Janet and how her mom died over a year ago, but because of Covid the memorial service she wanted to have for her never happened.\u201d

At this point Katherine started to get a little choked up, but continued, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking how hard that must have been Janet, and how hard it must be now a year later because I know she had such a close relationship with mother. So I want her to have this plant; it\u2019s just like the one I have. It\u2019s easy to maintain, and when she looks at it, I hope it reminds her of her Mom.\u201d

So what does this have to do with Observe?

Katherine observed something within herself in thinking how life must be for Janet, a year past her mother\u2019s death, unable to have honored her mom with a normal memorial service because of Covid. She put herself in Janet\u2019s shoes and imagined how she must feel. It's a great way to rekindle relationships with someone you have not seen in a while.

I saw Katherine\u2019s empathy for Janet as she choked up in explaining about the plant. Katherine was feeling what she imagined Janet was feeling. It was really quite touching for me to see this in Katherine.

Like Janet\u2019s mom, Katherine\u2019s mother also suffers from Alzheimer's Disease. I wonder if this shared experience enabled Katherine to more closely identify with Janet.

Remember

So what about the Remember component of ORA? Where does that come in here?

I hope that\u2019s obvious, Katherine remembered a year ago when Janet\u2019s mother died and couldn\u2019t grieve in the normal way we grieve when a loved one dies. It was more difficult to remember, because there was no personal face-to-face contact over the past 15 months. A Zoom conversation and maybe a phone call took place, but Katherine\u2019s work kept her extremely busy, away from interpersonal contact with friends.

Observing what was going on inside her emotionally, and remembering what Janet must be going through, prompted Katherine to move to the next stage of ORA.

I wonder what difficult things your friends have gone through that would be helpful for you to remember and then respond as Katherine did.

Act

In the past, I\u2019ve said the A in ORA stood for Ask. Ask questions, Inquire. Don\u2019t assume. Find out stuff first hand. Get people to define their terms. But this encounter with Katherine leads me to change the A from Ask to Act. Because that was what Katherine did. She acted.

Now, I don\u2019t want to disregard \u201cAsk\u201d altogether. Asking is one form of acting. I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll come back to this from time to time.

In this situation, Katherine acted by bringing Janet a plant she thought she would like because it was a plant Katherine herself liked. And because she thought it would remind Janet of her mom, and that one of her friends cared and understood the loss she was experienced.

In addition to the plant, Katherine also dropped off a card for Janet. It's a simple, but meaningful thing to do when you want to rekindle relationships.

By the time Janet got home, Katherine had left. She was quite taken by the plant and told me she had been looking for a plant just that size. Then she opened the card from Katherine.

The Greeting Card

Now I need to tell you Janet is one of those people who really pays attention to greeting cards, and spends time searching for just the right one that captures whatever thought or emotion she wants to express.

Katherine\u2019s card was just perfect. It would have been the kind of card Janet would have picked out herself for someone.

The cover of the card shows a straw hat placed on the seat of an empty chair. It's placed outside among a group of black-eyed Susans and other wildflowers. At the bottom of the cover is simply the word, \u201cShe\u201d followed by the tilde punctuation mark, ~.

When you open the card, at the top, you see the imprint, \u201cwas quite a lady.\u201d That\u2019s it. The whole card simply stated, She was quite a lady.

Katherine then wrote in her own beautiful handwriting,

"Janet,
I\u2019ve been thinking a lot lately about how you miss your mom every day, and that it must be especially hard on days like Mother\u2019s Day. From the stories you and John have told, I know that you inherited a lot of her qualities - you too are kind, a good cook, a servant, Keeper of a warm and inviting home, and always there for your kids and grandkids. Even though you miss her more than I can imagine, a part of her lives on in you, and you are passing on her legacy to your children and grandchildren as you love and care for them. Because you - like your mother - are also quite a lady.

With much love,
Katherine"

After reading the card, Janet was quite moved by it and called Katherine to thank her for it and the plant.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

How can you use what you\u2019ve heard today to rekindle relationships in YOUR life? Here are a few ideas:

I bet if you were to think about it, you could come up with the name of a friend or two who\u2019s been in relational hibernation because of the pandemic. And I suspect in thinking about such a friend, you can probably recall a significant life event they\u2019ve experienced recently. Maybe the anniversary of the death of a loved one, liked Katherine remembered. Or maybe the joy of a graduation or a birth. Or maybe a happy or sad experience your friend is going through now.

After your effort to remember, ask God to show you what action he\u2019d like you to take to acknowledge what your friend might be experiencing. Some action that lets your friend know you care. Just ask God. He\u2019ll tell you what to do.

If you forget everything else, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember from today\u2019s episode.

Coming out of the Covid pandemic is a great opportunity to rekindle relationships by blessing someone with a God-inspired action you can take.

I\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode about rekindling relationships by remembering. Just send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org. You can also share your thoughts in the \u201cLeave a Reply\u201d box at the bottom of the show notes.

Closing

In closing, if you found the podcast helpful, please subscribe if you haven\u2019t already done so.

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to both reflect and to act. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

If you\u2019re new to the podcast, you might want to check out some of the prior episodes that talk about the ORA principle for deepening our relationships. I list four of them with their links in the show notes. Episodes 89 and 90, as well as episodes 93 and 96.

Well, that\u2019s all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week. Goodbye for now.

Related episodes you may want to listen to

096: Meaningful Questions Create Meaningful Relationships

093: Remembering Deepens Our Relationships

090: Encourage ourself by observing others

089: How to be a better observer of people\xa0

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