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We all have expectations for how other people should behave. Does it always serve us? Not really. Especially when other people don't behave in ways that go against those expectations. Manuals are a collection of those expectations. When you are able to drop the manual for how other people should behave you are doing the most generous thing FOR yourself, because it feels the best to LOVE someone without putting a condition on how they should behave. When it comes to our kids will might still choose to have expectations and consequences but if we do don't make how we feel dependant on how they act - that will serve us the most.