BROADCASTS.com

b'

Two years ago, I talked to Dr. Jen about preparing for crises on this episode. About a year after that, Jen met the love of her life while in the midst of a very sudden, very public breakup. Today, she joins me from their honeymoon to speak about her healing journey.

Jen shares how her close friends, family and even her own body had been trying to alert her to the unhealthiness of her romantic relationship, but she had not been willing to listen. Even when her intuition said something was not right, she could not find a logical reason to feel that way, so she stayed. She kept hoping it would turn out like she dreamed. It wasn\\u2019t until after the relationship ended that she realized most of the problems they were having stemmed from differing core values. It wasn\\u2019t that either one of them was a good or bad person at the fundamental level.

I asked Jen specifically here today to share with us her secret to not blaming the other person in a broken relationship and not focusing on explaining what they did to cause this pain; but rather to own your own story and keep moving towards healing. The most important thing to realize is, \\u201cThis has nothing to do with me. This is their story. Those were their choices. And now, I get to choose how I respond to them. And I will act within my core values, even if the other person went totally against them.\\u201d

Jen was also able to recognize that just because one person had made choices that didn\\u2019t align with her values and had hurt her very deeply didn\\u2019t mean that everyone in the world would do the same. If she was able to live by her values, that meant that someone else out of 7 billion must be able to live by those values as well. She could find someone different who was actually a good match for her; there was no need to settle for someone who would not connect to her at the core.

Jen met her new man dancing at a club at a physical therapy conference. They connected quickly. He has been able to recognize that when she is triggered, it has nothing to do with him. He can focus on supporting her instead of being hurt by her hurt. They are both coming into this relationship knowing that neither of them is perfect, and they need to be willing to work through their frustrating times. Rather than follow conventional wisdom, Jen chose to go into this new relationship with authenticity and honesty. Together, they have quickly bonded and built a business in the midst of a chaotic year.

One therapist Jen worked with, encouraged \\u201canger expression\\u201d. In an exercise, women were able to acknowledge and express how angry they were feeling and say all the angry words they wished they could say to the person that hurt them. It\'s not about hurting the other person or getting revenge; it\'s about releasing and expressing one\\u2019s emotion. Anger isn\\u2019t necessarily a bad emotion; it\'s what we do with it that matters. Bottling it up doesn\\u2019t help because it is a deep feeling that is there for a reason, and using it to hurt others or focusing on it in a way that drags you down is not good for anyone. The negative energy needs to be released to make space for the positive.

Thank you for listening to Hope to Recharge! if we are important to you, help us out and Leave us a review on iTunes. It makes a huge difference!

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Work 1 on 1 with Matana - With our 1 on 1 coaching program, you can work directly with Matana. Get a free 30-minute fitting tryout call to see if this is right for you. You do not have to walk through your mental health struggle alone. Because as always, together is better!

There is no substitute for a listening ear. Get Your Free 30 Minute, 1 on 1 Consultation Today.

https://hopetorecharge.com/1on1/

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

As we all know, sharing can help others. We are here to support each other and to learn from each other. In mental health, Together is better.

If you need more support in your mental health journey please reach out to us in our private Facebook group.

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Interested in joining our monthly Mastermind Group?\\xa0

Find out more info here! www.hopetorecharge.com/Mastermind

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Connect with Jen:

Website

Instagram

Facebook

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Quotes:

\\u201cI see this beacon of light sometimes that shimmers. And so I know it\'s possible that we could get to this beautiful relationship that I know I would feel so good about. And we hold onto that, that possibility rather than seeing the reality of what it is in front of us.\\u201d @DrJenEsquire\\xa0@MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge

\\u201cNo one ever listened to me and we were just clashing and it was so painful because I just didn\'t feel a belonging and a lot of, and I always say this that if relationships would see that [their core values are clashing] before it comes tumbling down there wouldn\'t be so much hate and resentment and pain.\\u201d @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge

\\u201c...not by blaming, but by owning and moving forward from healing\\u201d\\xa0@DrJenEsquire\\xa0@MatanaJacobs\\xa0#HopetoRecharge

\\u201cWe\'re still both open to holding this space for each other to do the work. That\'s what\'s so important-- knowing that we\'re coming into a relationship not perfect; we\'re coming into a place that we both have work to do.\\u201d @DrJenEsquire @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge #HopetoRecharge

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Topics Discussed:

• Healing from unsuccessful relationships
• Finding other people with core values similar to yours
• Releasing anger
• Replacing negative energy with positive
• Journaling

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Suicide Hotlines:

USA: 1-800-273-8255

USA Crisis (Text): 741-741

Canada: 1-833-456-4566

United Kingdom: 116-123

Australia: 13-11-14

International Suicide Hotlines:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Connect with us!

• Website: https://hopetorecharge.com/
• Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2079694042156503/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matanajacobs/

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

3 WAYS THAT YOU CAN HELP THE PODCAST:

1) Subscribe via iTunes and leave a review.\\xa0It costs nothing. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hope-to-recharge/id1464788845

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

2) Spread the word via social media.\\xa0It costs nothing.

• Website: https://hopetorecharge.com/
• Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2079694042156503/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matanajacobs/

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

3) Subscribe to us on:

• iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hope-to-recharge/id1464788845
• Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/00AIhRZOxKNOvenz32gGeK
• Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/heather-parady-2/hope-to-recharge
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_DkYMcco7pSrkKk6wU5p7w

\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014\\u2014

Today\\u2019s episode of Hope to Recharge is sponsored by DBT Path and by https://Betterhelp.com/hopetorecharge.\\xa0

DBT Path offers entirely online DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills classes for those who experience intense or dysregulated emotions. Sign up now at www.emotionallysensitive.com

Betterhelp.com is the world\\u2019s leading provider of online therapy. Their mission is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient, so anyone who struggles with life\\u2019s challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere.

Head to https://Betterhelp.com/hopetorecharge for 10% off your first month of services. IMPORTANT: Be sure to click this link in order to get the 10% off code.