208: Live Therapy with Neil Sattin, part 1: "I'm failing! I'm overwhelmed!"

Published: Sept. 14, 2020, 8 a.m.

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Rhonda begins with a plug for David\\u2019s new book, Feeling Great, which will be released on Amazon, on September 15, the day after after this podcast will be published. You can check it out at the link at the bottom of today\'s show notes.

Today and next week you will hear parts 1 and 2 of a live therapy session I (David) did with Neil Sattin, host of his own terrific \\u201cRelationship Alive\\u201d podcast, which has received 5 million downloads. But as you know, we all sometimes need a little mental tune-up, including therapists. The session you are about to hear occurred on March 23, 2020, when the pandemic shut-down first occurred.

Rhonda begins today\\u2019s podcast with a moving email from a fan who heard Neil\'s live therapy session with David on Neil\\u2019s Relationship Alive podcast. Then Neil explains how his\\xa0 work on troubled relationships were born out of his work as a dog trainer, and he saw many similarities with relationship issues! In addition to hosting his popular podcast, Nel does coaching for individuals and troubled couples.

Neil explains that, \\u201cI\\u2019ve always been a person who people have turned to for relationship help. I saw the struggles my parents experienced, and I have experienced my own struggles, and I wanted to figure out how we might use struggles to deepen and improve relationships, so people can thrive and get past those challenging moments.

Prior to his personal work with David, Neil sought help from a cognitive therapist, but it wasn\\u2019t helpful thought. Neil thought it was too formulaic, a sentiment that David agrees with. Neil prefers working \\u201cin the moment,\\u201d the way David does therapy.

Today, you will hear the T = Testing and E = Empathy portions of Neil\\u2019s TEAM therapy session with David, and next week you will hear the A = Assessment of Resistance and M = Methods portions.

You can check out the Daily Mood Log that David and Neil filled out at the beginning of session. As you can see, the upsetting event was simply feeling like he hadn\\u2019t gotten enough done when evening approached. Perhaps you\\u2019ve sometimes felt like that, too!

You can also see that Neil had many negative feelings. Most were intense and Neil felt overwhelmed. He was telling himself there was way too much to do, that he was incapable of getting organized, and that he was going to end up unhealthy, weak and broke. These were messages he\\u2019d heard from his dad when he was growing up: \\u201cYou\\u2019ve gotta clean your room. . . You\\u2019ll never succeed.\\u201d

Tearfully, Neil says, \\u201cI\\u2019ve always wanted his blessing. . . but I\\u2019ve never gotten it. I wish he could see my role in the world, the impact I\\u2019ve been making, and I wish he would admire it! . . . I love him dearly, but there are things I just don\\u2019t understand, things that have been the sources of my sadness and anger \\u201d

Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of the session!

Rhonda and David

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