BROADCASTS.com

Published: March 6, 2024, 9 a.m.

A listener once suggested that for a podcast episode I should read from the book I wrote in 2016, THEM- The Richer Life Found in Caring for Others. It\u2019s about relationships, which of course, is what this podcast is about. But I don\u2019t know if reading from it would interest many of you. Maybe the first chapter might, I don\u2019t know. It\u2019s about how people are like houses when it comes to deepening our relationships with others.

But before we get into today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s what this podcast is all about.\xa0

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page to the yellow "Subscribe" button, then enter your name and email address in the fields above it.

The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

THEM - The Richer Life Found in Caring for Others

My book THEM has never sold well. Many of them sit on a shelf in our basement to prove it. Two of my relatives I know bought the book, and I offered it to the rest of the extended family as Christmas gifts after it came out. But no one wanted a free and signed copy. I was going to pay the postage, too. Yeah, that was my Charley Brown Christmas alright.

But I did get an award and a cash prize for the book. Writers Digest named it the \u201cBest Inspirational Book of 2016.\u201d However, there wasn\u2019t much competition for inspiration in 2016. It was a lean year in the inspiration department, as you may recall.

Nevertheless, I\u2019m going to take a chance and read from selected portions of chapter one of the book that I think you\u2019ll enjoy hearing, and maybe even find inspiring. It\u2019s about a useful principle that could help you in deepening the relationships in your life. It\u2019s called, \u201cPeople Are Like Houses.\u201d

People are like houses

I\u2019ll begin with this. Every house has multiple openings. All kinds of openings\u2014 windows, doors, chimneys, even clothes-dryer vents. Openings to bring the outside in, or openings to let the inside out.\xa0

When you walk past some houses, the resident of the house will see you from inside through a window, open the door and come bounding out to greet you.\xa0

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you come in and I\u2019ll get you something to drink. Please stay a while so we can chat and get caught up with each other\u2019s lives. I\u2019ve been thinking about you. I have so much to tell you since we last met. It is so good to see you.\u201d\xa0

This is how some people respond when we walk past their houses. Such people are wide-open houses with openings that invite you in. They are easy people to engage with\u2014the low-hanging fruit of relationships. It doesn\u2019t take a lot of work to relate with people like this. Me, I get along great with children and older ladies because they are houses with relational openings I can easily pick out. Younger than eight and older than eighty is my sweet spot. With everyone in between, not so much.\xa0

Other people are houses with fewer openings. Walk past someone\u2019s house like this and when she sees you from her front window, she closes the drapes, pulls the blinds, and turns off the lights. If you go to her front door and ring the doorbell, she\u2019ll pretend she\u2019s not home and leave you standing there like a rebuffed Jehovah\u2019s Witness.\xa0

Closed openings to this house

A number of years ago, the elders from a church in our area called me into a meeting to ask me how they could better care for their pastor, who was going through a rough time. Their question showed me they didn\u2019t know him very well. The better we know someone, the easier it is to care for them.\xa0

I responded to their question with, \u201cI think you need to get to know him better.\u201d\xa0

\u201cWe\u2019ve tried, but it\u2019s hard because he plays it close to the vest. He doesn\u2019t let anyone in,\u201d replied one of the elders.\u201d\xa0

His house is full of closed doors and covered windows. The opening to his house is hard to find, but if you work at it long and hard enough, you\u2019ll find it.\xa0

\u201cMaybe he plays it close to the vest because he\u2019s been hurt in the past with being more open, and he doesn\u2019t want to be hurt again. Maybe he plays it close to the vest because he doesn\u2019t trust you.\u201d\xa0

A few heads nodded, but that\u2019s as far as it went. Some people have closed houses like this. I\u2019m like this myself at times. I play it close to the vest when I don\u2019t trust people either. I close the openings to my house to protect myself, which Christian psychologist Larry Crabb calls the most common sin of us all\u2014self-protection.

Delayed openings

Other people have houses whose openings will close up at first, but who wait to see if you come back, and then if the stars are properly aligned, and they\u2019ve finished watching Dancing with the Stars, will crack open the door and whisper to you, \u201cNow is not a good time, maybe next week. I\u2019m not feeling well right now.\u201d So you leave with a small opening for the future, a little hope.\xa0

Still other people, when they see you come by, will call out from the window, \u201cI\u2019d really like to talk, but the baby is napping, and my husband thinks I spend too much time with my girlfriends, so could you please come back tomorrow? Come at night, though, and come to the back door. I really need to talk to you.\u201d

Different houses, different openings

Get the picture? People are like houses with many different openings. Some are wide open, and others closed shut like a lake cottage in the dead of winter. The frustrating thing for me is that I often want to enter a person\u2019s relational house through the opening I want, through an easy opening like the front door. I don\u2019t want to have to come back again and again, or wait until spring. And I don\u2019t want to go to the back door at night. Nor do I \xa0want to talk through the screen of the kitchen window, or get on the ground and whisper through the basement window.\xa0

But the fact is, if I want to relate well with someone, I have to go with the opening that person gives me, not the one I want. This principle is especially true in caring for others. We can\u2019t care well for people if we don\u2019t know them very well. To care well means at times we have to pursue people and look for openings to get to know a person at a heart level. It\u2019s not always easy, for some people have closed up many of the openings to their house. We can\u2019t give up, though. It\u2019s important that we work at it. For in the end, it\u2019s always worth it.

\xa0The openings children give us

These grandsons of ours have also taught me much about how people, even children, are like houses. They open themselves up to us when they want in ways they want\u2014not at the time or manner I prefer.\xa0

On the occasions Janet and I have picked them up from school because their parents were away, I\u2019ve wanted to understand how their day went. What did\xa0

they learn in kindergarten today? What is going on in their little hearts. I want to know because I love them deeply and want to enter into their world. When I try to get into their \u201chouse,\u201d they are often very closed. They pull the blinds and turn off the lights with their favorite response, \u201cIt\u2019s classified.\u201d\xa0

It\u2019s classified? Please, don\u2019t they know who I am? I\u2019ve changed their diapers, which should entitle me to more than, \u201cIt\u2019s classified, Grandpa.\u201d They closed one of the openings to their house I was trying to enter.\xa0

I wondered if there is another opening they would give me. There was.\xa0

I discovered the opening one night when Janet and I were babysitting and it came time to put them to bed. They got their pajamas on, brushed their teeth, and crawled into bed. I then read them a book.\xa0

\u201cCan you read another one? Please? Oh please!\u201d

\u201cI need a glass of water.\u201d

\u201cWhere\u2019s my Star Wars guy? I have to look for it. I can\u2019t go to sleep without it! Really, I won\u2019t fall asleep without it!\u201d

Typical bed-time stall routines. I\u2019ve been through all of this many times, but then one night, Grant, firmly tucked in bed with the covers up to his chin, pulled out from his arsenal of sleep-delaying tactics, this question

\u201cGrandpa, are you going to die?\u201d

I didn\u2019t see this one coming

Has someone been talking to this boy? Does he know something I don\u2019t know?\xa0

Ironically, his question came eerily close to the question too frightening for all of our family just six years earlier, \u201cIs Grant going to die?\u201d More about that later.\xa0

As I sat down on Grant\u2019s bed and looked into his eyes, I could tell he had moved from stalling at bedtime, to a deep metaphysical issue people have pondered for centuries. I was not prepared for his question, nor for such an\xa0opportunity to see into his heart. Grant was giving me an opening to his house, and I wanted to take advantage of it. I can\u2019t afford to miss this one, I thought, even though it came at night when I am least alert. But there he was, opening his house to me in a way that worked for him.\xa0

As I sat on the bed, I told him, \u201cYes, I will die someday, but it most likely wouldn\u2019t happen for a very long time.\u201d I went on to tell him that when I did die, I would go to heaven to be with Jesus, where I would wait for him\u2014to join me many years later. I told Grant we have nothing to worry about when it comes to dying if we know Jesus. For if we know Jesus, we will spend forever with Him and with all the other people who know Him.\xa0

Grateful for this opening I was invited into

A smile broke out on his small lips that told me he was okay with my answer. He could now call it a day because his question about the destiny of humanity was settled and he could move on. He was comforted, as was I.\xa0

\u201cGood night, Grant. I love you.\u201d
\u201cI love you, too, Grandpa.\u201d

I turned out his light, thankful for the opening he had given me to his house, to his heart. We connected at an unwelcome, unexpected time for me. I found with our grandkids some of the most significant conversations I\u2019ve had with them happened at night sitting on their bed, because it is when it is most comfortable for them. It\u2019s when they were the most reflective. I have to be on guard, to be aware, so I can take advantage of the openings they give me.\xa0

* \xa0 * \xa0 * \xa0 * \xa0 * \xa0 * \xa0 *

Well there you have it, the \u201cPeople Are Like Houses\u201d principle from chapter one of my book, THEM. In addition to the two examples of this principle I\u2019ve shared here, there are three more stories like it in chapter one of the book. But we\u2019ve run out of time for today, as you\u2019ve probably finished with folding laundry or picking up the kids from school.

I\u2019ll leave you with two thoughts. I wonder if people you want to understand better are giving you \u201copenings to their house\u201d that you might be missing.\xa0

And secondly, are you making it harder on people to relate to you because many of the openings to your house are closed?\xa0 Are your drapes closed and your porch light\xa0turned off? It might be worth the risk to switch the lights on and open a window are two.

Closing

As we close up shop for today, I\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to look a little more closely at the openings people may be giving you into their house.

Because when you do, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God desires for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. Don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them.\xa0 And I\u2019ll see you again next time.

Other episodes or resources related to today\u2019s shows

139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?

021: The Most Important Relationship of All

Prior recent episode

\xa0213: Five Things to Watch for in Your Next Conversation

All past and future episodes\xa0 \xa0 JohnCertalic.com

Our Sponsor

You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry.\xa0

Donate

Please consider donating to help cover the costs associated with this podcast and the other services we provide missionaries around the world. You can make a tax-deductible contribution to Caring for Others when you click here.\xa0

You can also contribute by clicking on the yellow "Donate" box in the upper right corner at the top of the first page.

\xa0

\xa0