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Published: Oct. 18, 2023, 8 a.m.

Do you ever long for a deep conversation with someone? Today\u2019s episode is about a creative measure someone took to make that happen. It reveals what many of us long for, and how we can make the world a better place, one conversation at a time.

As with every episode, our purpose in this podcast is to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

The Next Door app

I\u2019ll start by telling you something interesting I found the other day on the social media app, \u201cNext Door.\u201d \xa0It\u2019s a bit like Facebook but for neighborhoods. You sign up to get posts from people living in your neighborhood, and it\u2019s usually people asking for recommendations. Things like, \u201cI need a plumber,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m new in town and am looking for a good dentist, who would you recommend.\u201d Things like this.\xa0

Last summer, for example, I found a high school student through this app willing to pull weeds from our flower beds, so it\u2019s great for items like this.

But you\u2019ll also find annoying things like a recent post that read \u201cWhy is the Taco Bell on Moreland Rd closed all of a sudden.\u201d That\u2019s not so bad, but it generated a long thread of comments about how horrible Taco Bell is, followed by a string of Taco Bell fans praising the place. Followed yet by another string of \u201cWhy are people so lazy they can\u2019t make their own tacos at home? What\u2019s wrong with you people?\u201d\xa0

I think you get the picture. It\u2019s why I delete the app, but then months later sign up for it again.

An unusual request

Anyway, the most unusual post I\u2019ve seen in a long time came from an attractive woman by the name of Nicole who posted her picture with the following:

I turn 40 in roughly 4 months.

To celebrate, I\u2019m challenging myself to have deep conversations with 40 different individuals.

What\u2019s in it for you? Maybe some clarity in an area you\u2019re questioning or better sense of your purpose or even just someone to listen to you unload.

What\u2019s in it for me? I get to connect with YOU. Simple as that.

I want to close out my 30s by connecting with as many people as possible. And if we already know each other, let\u2019s do this anyway!

Message me if you\u2019re up to help me with\xa0this challenge.

Summary of the Responses

The last time I checked 99 people responded to Nicole. Here\u2019s a summary of those responses:

• • Slightly more women responded than men
  • No one said \u201cno\u201d or anything negative. Everyone either said \u201cyes\u201d in one form or another, \u201cHappy Birthday\u201d and nothing more, or they had a question
  • 9 people commented something along the lines of \u201cOh, you\u2019re so beautiful.\u201d One person said she looked like Julia Roberts. None of these 9 agreed to a deep conversation Nicole is looking for.
  • 2 people wanted to know more

Selected responses I found interesting

Jim: Wish I were 40 yrs. younger

Nicole: ha! Flattered, but I\u2019m married!

Guy: Hello Nicole! I\u2019m Game!! But I\u2019m a talker\u2026You better be ready!!!

Joseph: The years have been very kind to you! What are some of your interests?

Anna: I would love to do this. I am 78 years old. This could be very interesting. And maybe loving & caring. I could use more contact w/ good people. How do I get on board?

Melody: Please be safe meeting all those people

Emily: I\u2019m in. Always great to meet new friends. Happy early birthday\xa0

Mark: Hello Nicole, what a way to start and meet new friends. I would like to connect and have some conversations.

Angela: What a wonderful way to celebrate your milestone birthday! I am having a milestone birthday today @60! I have a lot of life to discuss and would be honored to help you accomplish this worthwhile project!!

Steven: Absolutely, any time!

Tami: Hi Nicole! I\u2019m Tami, and I am so intrigued with your project!! I would love to help you with this. I\u2019m a writer and deep conversations are my jam!

Craig: Very interesting idea.\xa0 I love to chat with new people!

Laura: If you haven\u2019t met your 40 conversations, I could use a good conversation with a kind soul.

An interest in deep conversations from young and old

Meghan: I wish there were more people like this with good intentions! I\u2019m in my mid-20s. Intellectual conversations are kinda really my thing.

Jeri: I would love to participate. I just turned 70 and looking for connection.

Larry: I am 66; is it to just unload problems or to really make new friends--if you want to make new friends I am there count me in-

Karen: I would love to help you . I am in my early 50s and love meeting new people and making friends.

Kat: Well, I am 76 years old and I have lived through a lot! I was a postwar baby and as I became a teenager we dealt with birth control. Then there was the Vietnam war, civil rights. Live near the Bay Area in the 60s and saw lots of disobedience and Craziness. I lived to see John Kennedy shot and killed Martin Luther King shot and killed and Bobby Kennedy shot and killed. Those were sad sad days for America.\xa0I could go on and on, but I won\u2019t.\xa0 You get the idea.\xa0 At this point in my life, I have lost almost everybody that was of significance in my life growing up. But I\u2019m still part of the class of \u201964 for our high school and we are a very connected class since we went from kindergarten through high school together for most of us. By the way, happy happy birthday

Lyn: Nicole, I'm game if you're still collecting names. I just celebrated my 75th...definitely a milestone!

Michelle: Hi Nicole, I\u2019d love to assist with your quest.\xa0 What a lovely way to celebrate your next birthday.

My response to the request for a deep conversation

\xa0I responded with this text, I\u2019ll do what I can to help you with this challenge.

Shortly thereafter I received a text from Nicole that read:

"Hey John! Thanks for offering to help with the challenge!

"Just as a very brief background: I'm a nurse and obtained a certification as a transformative life coach and my goal is to connect with as many people as possible.\xa0 There's no catch, just connecting :)

"Here's a link to schedule a time to connect:"

Hmmmn.

A different \u201cdeep conversation\u201d than what was expected

I clicked on the link to find a calendar to book an appointment. Above the calendar read \u201cFree Session.\u201d The word \u201cFree\u201d jumped out a me. It implies, especially after reading further, that some sessions are not free.

Next to the calendar is more information from Nicole that began with:

"Why do this? To connect! I'm a nurse and a health and wellness coach looking to serve my community one conversation at a time. I want to learn about you and where you're struggling right now, and alternatively, what's going great and how to help you build on that!"

Nicole goes on to write:

"Some sessions can be filled with big emotions and that's ok! I want you to express yourself to the fullest, be open and honest, and I'll do the same for you. That being said, if I feel you're not showing up fully in this way, I'll call you out on it and push you a little harder. Not showing up fully is not an option in my coaching space.

"At the end, we'll make sure you have a plan to continue any forward momentum that we've created together."

My take on all this

I was really tempted to contact some of the 99 people who responded to Nicole\u2019s initial challenge to celebrate her upcoming 40th birthday by having deep conversations with 40 people. I\u2019d like to ask them what they thought and felt when they got the same text I received when I responded to Nicole.\xa0 Believe me, that was so tempting.

But if I did that, this episode would be about the ethics of Nicole\u2019s marketing strategy for her wellness coaching business. The larger and more interesting aspect to this story is why these 99 people responded to Nicole in the first place.\xa0

It caused me to go back and look at the responses of these 99 more closely and found they reveal something about what many of us are all looking for these days.

What people are looking for

I think of Anna, who at 78 years of age found the prospect of a deep conversation with Nicole to be in her words, \u201cloving and caring,\u201d and \u201cI could use more contact with good people.\u201d

Then there is Laura who said, \u201cI could use a good conversation with a kind soul.\u201d

And Larry who mentions he\u2019s 66 and \u201cIf this is about making new friends I am there. Count me in.\u201d

Another response that is telling comes from Jeri who said \u201cI would love to participate. I just turned 70 and looking for connection.\u201d

And finally there is the response from Kat who spoke about the major events she lived through in her 76 years, almost as a way of auditioning for Nicole, implying that she would have a lot to offer in any kind of deep conversation.\xa0

I was especially touched when Kat said \u201cAt this point in my life, I have lost almost everybody that is of significance in my life growing up. But I\u2019m still part of the class of \u201964 for our high school and we are a very connected class since we went from kindergarten through high school together for most of us.\u201d

Over and over again people talk about looking for connection and meeting new friends.\xa0

I think it\u2019s because many of us are lonely. Otherwise, why would we want new friends? It\u2019s either because we don\u2019t have any friends, or the few we have are just surface friends.

So what does all this mean for YOU?\xa0

If you saw Nicole\u2019s request for a deep conversation, how would you respond?\xa0 Are you interested in deep conversations that would lead to connections with people and making new friends? Or are you overloaded with the things going on in your life that you just don\u2019t have any space for deep conversations much less new friends?

Another thing this brings up is as people of faith, how would Jesus want us to respond to those looking for friends and connection with others?\xa0 We can\u2019t connect with everyone, nor be friends with everyone. And if you\u2019re active in a church, please, please don\u2019t say, \u201ctell others they need to get in a small group.\u201d\xa0 No, they don\u2019t.

My hunch is that Jesus doesn\u2019t want us to funnel lonely people into a church program or ministry. Rather, I think he wants us to individually reflect his image and character.\xa0

To be what 78-year-old Anna is looking for,\xa0 \u201csomeone who is caring and loving\u201d and that good person she could connect with.

To be that \u201ckind soul\u201d Laura is looking for.

Yeah, that\u2019s how I think Jesus would want us to respond.

Because someone listened\u2026

I\u2019ll conclude by reminding you of that new feature we\u2019re trying out this season, Because Someone Listened\u2026

I\u2019d like you to describe a time when someone listened to you well and the impact it had on you. Just complete the sentence because someone listened\u2026. You can post it in the comment box at the bottom of the show notes, or you can email it to me at john@cringforothers.org.

Closing

In closing, I\u2019d also love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to be that loving and caring person, that \u201ckind soul\u201d\xa0 people are looking for.

For when you do, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God desires for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. If there\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. Scroll down to the bottom of the show notes and click on one of the options in the yellow \u201cShare This\u201d bar.

And don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them.\xa0 And I\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Other episodes or resources related to today\u2019s shows

139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?

021: The Most Important Relationship of All

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