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Published: Feb. 15, 2023, 9 a.m.

In episode 192 I explained my rationale for suggesting that our word of the year for this year should be READ. Go to johncertalic.com/192 If you missed it. Reading about relationships is a simple way to enjoy better relationships in 2023. For example, in today\u2019s show, I share an article I read recently that I found quite freeing when it comes to dealing with a delicate relationship issue. It\u2019s a relationship concept I read about that I\u2019m sure you will find helpful, too.

But before we get into today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s what this podcast is all about.

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page to the yellow "Subscribe" button, then enter your name and email address in the fields above it. The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

Reminder about last week's episode

Before I share the article I read about the sensitive relationship issue I mentioned, I want to remind you of how we left off with last week\u2019s episode, #197, \u201cWe Don\u2019t Know What We Don\u2019t Know.\u201d This is the one where a listener I called Emily wrote in to say in that she doesn\u2019t have any close friends, doesn\u2019t understand how relationships work, and feels overwhelmed by them.

I asked you for suggestions on what to say to someone like her. So I\u2019d appreciate your thoughts on this matter, and so would Emily. You can send them in an email to me, john@caringforothers.org, or you can leave them in the \u201cComment\u201d box at the bottom of the show notes. I will need them soon.

If you missed that episode, you can find it johncertalic.com/197. I\u2019ll have a link to it below.

All right. On to this relationship article I\u2019ve been referring to. It recently appeared in the Wall Street Journal, much of which I\u2019m quoting here. It will help you devlope better relationships in 2023.

"Simple Condolences Are Underrated"

\u201cBoth my parents died in the past few months, leaving me an orphan in midlife. As I am an only child, they took with them the remembered archives of their marriage and my girlhood. The loss is tremendous.

\u201cThe language to mark it isn\u2019t. \u2018I am so sorry,\u2019 people say. \u2018You are in my thoughts,\u2019 or \u2018for short, \u2018My condolences.\u2019 I used to think that simple statements like these, which seem like platitudes show a lack of sensitivity and imagination. I thought that sympathy needed to be buffered through personalized language that reflected the character of the dead person and anticipated the state of mind of the survivor.

\u201cIn years gone by, I spent ages at my desk, straining to come up with something fresh to say to a grieving friend, and once or twice felt so inadequate to the task that I didn\u2019t say anything."

You don\u2019t have to be creative

"How I regret that now. Until my parents died, I had no idea how welcome simplicity can be. A statement such as \u2018 Our hearts are with you \u2018 doesn\u2019t feel canned when your heart is aching. It feels like consolation. Traditional condolences convey that the thing that\u2019s happened is so profound that novelty is beside the point. In their accessibility, the standard phrases acknowledge the universality of loss. And given their formulaic nature, they make possible a simple and painless response.

\u201c\u2018Thank you, I really appreciate that,\u2019 I\u2019ve said countless times these past weeks. And you know what? I\u2019ve meant it every time. I really appreciated the expression of fellow feelings. I really have appreciated people\u2019s use of compassion shorthand that lets them off having to say something original and lets me off having to talk about how I\u2019m feeling or go into detail about how it all came about.

\u201cMy parents were unique and irreplaceable\u2026.. That these two people should leave the world before their daughter is as commonplace as winter snow in midcoast Maine where they lived \u2026\u2026 It has taken many generations to refine the words of bereavement to an elegant sufficiency. I now understand that there\u2019s no need to come up with a custom-designed remark when someone dies. What sounds like a platitude will do nicely.\u201d

- Meghan Cox-Gurdon. the author of The Enchanted Hour: The Marvelous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction.

So here\u2019s what I learned from what I read: I don\u2019t need to be creative or profound when greeting a person who has lost someone they loved. This sure takes the pressure off. I hope it does for you, too. What a freeing truth I learned to help make for better relationships in 2023.

And it came from something I read.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

If you want better relationships in 2023, or any year for that matter, what are you reading these days to help yourself in this area? It\u2019s easy to complain about the state of some of our relationships. But they can improve if we make an effort to read how to do it.

For we can learn from the experiences of others who write about what works in their relationships, and what doesn\u2019t.

The \u201cI\u2019m sorry for your loss\u201d article is one small example. There are even better ones found in the Bible. Romans 12 in the New Testament and the Book of Proverbs in the Old Testament are jam-packed with relationship wisdom we can put into practice today. I\u2019ve done past episodes about these sources that can help you achieve better relationships in 2023. I\u2019ll have links to them in the show notes below.

If you forget everything else from today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember

You will enjoy better relationships in 2023 when you read how to develop and nurture them from wise authors who know what they\u2019re talking about it. While there\u2019s a lot of questionable relationship advice floating around out there, there is much relational wisdom available to us if we look in the right places. The Bible is one such place.

Closing

In closing, I\u2019d also love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show to read something that will help you achieve better relationships in 2023.

Lastly, I mentioned in last week\u2019s episode that season 7 would be ending with episode 200 in just two weeks. I\u2019ll then be taking a break from podcasting for a time to work on a few projects to better serve you. I\u2019ll still be writing about relationships from time to time and I\u2019d like to keep you in the know.

If you\u2019re on my email list I\u2019ll send you articles like I just read that I come across that I think you would find interesting and helpful in nurturing your relationships.

But if you\u2019re not getting my Wednesday email, you\u2019re not on my email list. To get on it, just go to johncertalic.com/follow.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. If there\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. Scroll down to the bottom of the show notes and click on one of the options in the yellow \u201cShare This\u201d bar.

And don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. And I\u2019ll see you again next time for episode 199, just two left before season 7 closes down. Goodbye for now.

Last week\u2019s episode

197: We Don\u2019t Know What We Don\u2019t Know

All past and future episodes JohnCertalic.com

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You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. The generosity of people like you supports our ministry. It enables us to continue this weekly podcast and other services we provide to missionaries around the world.