BROADCASTS.com

Published: Feb. 8, 2023, 9 a.m.

I\u2019ve said before in past episodes how much I value feedback from people like you. In today\u2019s show, for example, I share a listener reaction to a show from awhile back. It illustrates the concept that when it comes to relationships, sometimes we don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know. But before we get into the challenging comments from this listener, and how they could very well apply to your life, here\u2019s what this podcast is all about.

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach. I'm here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page to the yellow "Subscribe" button. Then enter your name and email address in the fields above it.

The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

Season seven is coming to a close

Before we get into today's episode about the challenging comments from a listener, there\u2019s a housekeeping matter I need to tell you about. You are listening to episode 197 at the moment, and if my math is right, episode number 200 will be upon us in just a few weeks. That will bring us to the end of season seven of You Were Made for This.

I\u2019m then going to take a break from these weekly podcasts to work on a few things I\u2019ve been wanting to do in order to serve you better. I plan to take some of the content of our 200 episodes, update the material where needed, and re-purpose some of it in written form. Maybe in video as well. I don\u2019t know. I have more ideas than I have time to implement them. Well, see.

Having said this, I don\u2019t want to take a break from staying in touch with you. Even though there will be no new episodes for a while after #200, we can still stay connected by occasional emails now and then. If you\u2019ve been getting my Wednesday email about that week\u2019s podcast, you\u2019re good to go. There\u2019s nothing more you need to do.

But if you\u2019re not getting my Wednesday email, I\u2019d like you to join my email list so I can stay in touch with you about the things I\u2019m working on - and what I\u2019m learning about relationships. Just go to johncertalic.com/follow to sign up.

Often I come across stories I think you would find interesting, and sending you an email about them from time to time would be the easiest way to get them to you since the podcast will be in hiatus for a time.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

Last fall, someone I\u2019ll call Emily (not her real name) stumbled upon Episode 063: \u201cSix Reasons Why We\u2019re Not More Curious About People.\u201d I\u2019ll have a link to it in the show notes. But if\xa0 your are driving, or otherwise preoccupied, just remember johncertalic.com/063.

Emily came across this episode 2\xbd years after it first aired. Listen as I read her comments about it.

We don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know

\u201cI found this page because I was trying to do some research into what is \u2018wrong with me.\u2019

\u201cI grew up in a very strict and often abusive household, where it was constantly drilled into my head that if people wanted you to know things, they would tell you. And I was made to feel stupid for asking anything that should be \u201cobvious.\u201d We were basically shamed out of our curiosity as kids and taught to accept everything at face value without asking any questions.

\u201cNow almost 40 years old, I\u2019m so frustrated by the fact that I don\u2019t have any real, close friendships.

\u201cI don\u2019t know how to be curious about people, and even when I want to be\u2026 I have no idea what to ask. I feel like I don\u2019t even know how personal relationships work. I don\u2019t know how often you\u2019re supposed to reach out to people, exactly what parts of their lives you should be involved in, or how often to reach out\u2026 it sounds so silly but it\u2019s my reality! I don\u2019t know how to make and keep friends.

\u201cI\u2019m sure I come off as selfish and self-centered\u2026 But really I just don\u2019t know how all this works and I get overwhelmed by it.\u201d

I\u2019ll have more to say about Emily\u2019s comments later, but for now I\u2019ll say she\u2019s experiencing the challenge many of us face when we don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know.

So what does Emily\u2019s response to an episode that first dropped 2\xbd years ago have to do with you?

What it has to do with you is that at one time or another you will have people in your life who feel the same way Emily does. Friends, family members, maybe one of your own children! Maybe even you. People experiencing what Emily is going through challenge us in how to relate and care for them.

For the past 194 episodes of this podcast we\u2019ve talked about relationship skills and principles in one form or another. So I\u2019d like us to try something. Let\u2019s use Emily\u2019s story to put into practice what you\u2019ve learned about relationships. Let\u2019s use her situation as a case study of what to do when we don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know.

To begin, how do you react internally to her words? How did you feel inside about what she shared? Then, what would you do or say to Emily in response to her comments? I\u2019m really interested in your thoughts on this one. Let\u2019s see what all of us can learn in how to relate to someone like this.

Leave your thoughts in the comment box at the bottom of the show notes, or send them to me in an email. (john@caringforothers.org) If you want to remain anonymous, that\u2019s fine, just let me know.

Now, I know many of you are driving while you listen to the podcast or you\u2019re doing other things like folding laundry, shoveling snow, or finally putting away your Christmas decorations. So I\u2019ll repeat what Emily said so you can think about how you would respond to her if the two of you were in a coffee shop having a private conversation with each other.

How would you respond to Emily?

Listen carefully to what goes on inside of you as you hear her comments, and then what would you do or say if she said the following:

\u201cI found this page because I was trying to do some research into what is \u2018wrong with me.\u2019

\u201cI grew up in a very strict and often abusive household, where it was constantly drilled into my head that if people wanted you to know things, they would tell you. And I was made to feel stupid for asking anything that should be \u201cobvious.\u201d

We were basically shamed out of our curiosity as kids and taught to accept everything at face value without asking any questions.

\u201cNow almost 40 years old, I\u2019m so frustrated by the fact that I don\u2019t have any real, close friendships.

\u201cI don\u2019t know how to be curious about people, and even when I want to be\u2026 I have no idea what to ask. I feel like I don\u2019t even know how personal relationships work. I don\u2019t know how often you\u2019re supposed to reach out to people, exactly what parts of their lives you should be involved in, or how often to reach out\u2026 it sounds so silly but it\u2019s my reality! I don\u2019t know how to make and keep friends.

\u201cI\u2019m sure I come off as selfish and self-centered\u2026 But really I just don\u2019t know how all this works and I get overwhelmed by it.\u201d

I\u2019ve got some thoughts of my own about Emily\u2019s comments, but I\u2019ll wait to share them until after I hear from you.

If you forget everything else from today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember

We don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know is often the case when it comes to relationships, especially when we\u2019re lonely. We all need each other to show us what we don\u2019t know. To tell us what\u2019s true about us when we can\u2019t see it ourselves.

Closing

In closing, I\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s topic about we don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know, and how it applies to the listener comments from Emily.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. If there\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. Scroll down to the bottom of the show notes and click on one of the options in the yellow \u201cShare This\u201d bar.

And don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. And I\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Other episodes or resources related to today\u2019s shows

063: Six Reasons Why We\u2019re Not More Curious About People
139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?
021: The Most Important Relationship of All

All past and future episodes:\xa0 JohnCertalic.com

Last week\u2019s episode

196: How Will You Be Remembered?

Our Sponsor

You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. The generosity of people like you supports our ministry. It enables us to continue this weekly podcast and other services we provide to missionaries around the world.