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Published: Feb. 1, 2023, 9 a.m.

I received a touching email the other day that got me thinking about how I want to be remembered when my time on earth comes to an end. The email is a brief and beautiful story from one of my favorite authors that I share in today\u2019s show. My guess is that after you hear it, you will want to reflect on how you want to be remembered too.

But before we get into today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s what this podcast is all about.

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page to the yellow "Subscribe" button, then enter your name and email address in the fields above it. The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

The author of one of my all-time favorite books

One of the top five books I\u2019ve ever read is Quiet - The Power of Introverts in A World That Can\u2019t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I\u2019ve mentioned the book in previous episodes, and I think at some point I should do a deeper dive review of it. She has a new book that came out late last year in 2022 that is also worthy of a review, Bittersweet - How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole.

I\u2019ll have links to both books in the show notes.

With two books under her belt, and online courses she developed, Susan Cain also started a weekly email newsletter, which I signed up for.

Sign up for my own weekly email newsletter

As a side note here, many of the listeners to this podcast also get my weekly email which gives a brief description of that week\u2019s episode. If you\u2019re not getting this yourself every Wednesday, and would like to, go to johncertalic.com, scroll a few inches down the page, and under \u201cActionable relationship insights delivered weekly to your inbox,\u201d enter your name and email address.

Okay. Back to Susan Cain and the story she tells in the recent email she wrote. Here\u2019s what she said:

On my way to tennis a few weeks ago, I realized I forgot my water bottle at home. I pulled into a gas station and asked if they sold water.

"We have no store," said the attendant. Then he looked at me, went to his office, and came back with two bottles of Poland Spring. I pulled out my wallet. \u201cNo, no,\u201d he said, waving off my dollars with a wistful smile. \u201cYou have the face of my mother.\u201d

The man wasn\u2019t young; he wore a turban and spoke with a heavy accent; he was far from his childhood home. I imagine it\u2019s been many years since he last saw his mother. I drove away with tears in my eyes. The gift he gave me that day was precious as water itself.

This is why we\u2019re alive \u2013 for moments like this\u2026

What a beautiful line, This is why we\u2019re alive \u2013 for moments like this\u2026 I\u2019ll come back to it in a little bit
Her encounter with the gas station attendant reminded me of a similar event I experienced last summer.

A similar encounter

My wife Janet and I wanted to get together with our three local grandkids, so we offered to take them out to dinner one evening. They wanted to go to Mod Pizza. It\u2019s one of those chain restaurants where you go through a line and they make a personal pizza for each person. It looks like an assembly line where they add any of the ingredients you want onto your pizza, and then they stick it in a blazing stone oven. You go sit down at a table and they call you when your individual pizza is done and out of the oven.

So there we were in line, Janet, our three adult-size grandkids all taller than her, and me at the end of the line. As we waited, we joked around with each other until it was our turn to order. One by one each person in our party told the pizza preparer the ingredients they each wanted on their pizza.

The person behind the counter making our pizzas was a friendly sort in her mid-20s; working a part-time job was my guess. I was last in line and when it came to my turn to order, she looked up at me from the last pizza she had just finished, smiled, and said in a surprised and cheerful tone.

\u201cOh, you look just like my father.\u201d

I smiled back at her and quickly bantered with her saying, \u201cI bet he is a very handsome man."

She paused briefly, and then smiled again and said wistfully, \u201cYeah, he was. He died 6 months ago. You remind me of him.\u201d

A reflective moment

I don\u2019t remember what I said next. Did I say \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry for your loss?\u201d I don\u2019t remember. I was so taken by her smile and the nostalgic expression on her face that spoke volumes about her relationship with her father. Here is a young woman who loved her father, who felt loved by him, and who was so very grateful for this loving relationship they shared. It was all over her face.

I enjoy being with our grandkids every time we\u2019re together. But all I could think of the rest of this evening was this 20-something pizza preparer. Her smile told me her father must have been a good man, a good father. It was a bittersweet moment to be thought of\xa0 like him. I felt honored.

It made me wonder how I\u2019ll be remembered by my wife and kids, and grandkids when I\u2019m gone. What will they think of me 6 months after the funeral? Will they smile fondly as the pizza preparer did to me?

\u201cThis is why we\u2019re alive - for moments like this.\u201d

Earlier I mentioned that I was taken by the line from Susan Cain\u2019s email that I quoted, \u201cThis is why we\u2019re alive - for moments like this.\u201d

We all leave something of ourselves behind, intentionally or not. Something of ourselves that blesses people and invokes gratitude, or sadly, sometimes just the opposite. We\u2019re connected with each other more than we realize.

I would like to be remembered for how I related to people. Was I kind to others? Did I bring out the best in people? Was I humble? Above all, did I reflect well the character of God, which is why I was brought into the world in the first place? It\u2019s why you and Susan Cain were brought into the world, as well. It\u2019s the best way to be remembered after we\u2019ve left this life.

Sometimes that\u2019s all we need to know about who we are and how we are to live. This is why we\u2019re alive - for moments like this.

Another connection point

Getting back to Susan Cain\u2019s email and her story about the gas station attendant, she said

If you\u2019ve had an experience like this (or a distant cousin to this), I would love to hear about it. (I read every single one of your e-mails, and do my best to reply to some of them.)

So I wrote back to her and summarized the story I just told you about the pizza preparer who said I reminded her of her father who died six months earlier.

A week later I received an email from a person by the name of Renee, who indicated she was Susan Cain\u2019s chief of Staff. Her email said,

Dear John --\xa0

Susan read and loved your letter. It gave her goosebumps!\xa0

She asked me to tell you she was so happy you wrote to her and that you're part of our community. We wish you the very best!\xa0

\u2014 R

My best,
Renee

Here\u2019s another connection. My mother\u2019s name was Renee. She died 10 years ago.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

How can you use what you\u2019ve heard today to help you find more joy in the relationships in your life?

I think God used the 20-something pizza preparer to cause me to reflect on how I want to be remembered. I thought her father is someone I\u2019d like to be like. Where 6 months after my funeral, the family will be out for pizza and they\u2019ll see someone that reminds them of me. And it will bring a smile to everyone\u2019s face.

I can\u2019t control what their response will be after I\u2019m gone. What I can control now is my behavior, attitude, and values which gives me the best chance of being remembered well.

The same is true for you, too. How do you want to be remembered? It\u2019s not too late to start being the person you want to be. And if you\u2019re about 80% there, rejoice and be glad in the progress you\u2019ve made. Trust God to help you with the other 20% as you get closer to the finish line.

If you forget everything else from today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember

It\u2019s wise to think now about how you will be remembered. You still have time to become the best version of yourself that will make people smile after you\u2019re gone.

Closing

Before we wrap up today\u2019s show, if you\u2019d like some input regarding a relationship question or issue you\u2019re dealing with, I\u2019d love to hear from you. Just go to JohnCertalic.com/question to leave me a voicemail. If you\u2019d rather put your question in writing, enter it in the Comment box at the bottom of the show notes.

I\u2019ll do my best to answer your question in a future episode.

In closing, I\u2019d also love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to think about how you want to be remembered, and what you might need to do to make that happen.

For when you think and reflect upon things like this, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God desires for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. If there\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. Scroll down to the bottom of the show notes and click on one of the options in the yellow \u201cShare This\u201d bar.

And don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. Remind them of someone good in their life. And I\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Other episodes or resources related to today\u2019s shows

130: Be Thankful We Can Make Memories for People

021: The Most Important Relationship of All

Susan Cain\u2019s books

Bittersweet - How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

Quiet - The Power of Introverts in A World That Can\u2019t Stop Talking

Last week\u2019s episode

195: Words Matter

All past and future episodes: \xa0 JohnCertalic.com

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