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Published: Oct. 26, 2022, 8 a.m.

A friend I hadn\u2019t seen in a while asked me the other day what was going on in my life. \u201cLots of death,\u201d I said, filling in my response with examples.. Another thing going on was a moment of tenderness I saw in a man consoling his wife in a restaurant. I\u2019ve been thinking for days about the tenderness I saw in both the restaurant and the deaths I described. It\u2019s what we\u2019re looking at in today\u2019s episode. Tenderness in relationships found in unusual places.

But before we get into today\u2019s episode, here\u2019s what this podcast is all about.

Welcome to You Were Made for This

If you find yourself wanting more from your relationships, you\u2019ve come to the right place. Here you\u2019ll discover practical principles you can use to experience the life-giving relationships you were made for.

I\u2019m your host, John Certalic, award-winning author and relationship coach, here to help you find more joy in the relationships God designed for you.

To access all past and future episodes, go to the bottom of this page, enter your name and email address, then click on the follow or subscribe button. The episodes are organized chronologically and are also searchable by topics, categories, and keywords.

Two Funerals

Last week\u2019s episode, no. 180 was about finding joy in an unusual place. Today we\u2019re going to look at tenderness in relationships, and two unusual places to find it. The first is in the context is death. It\u2019s certainly an unusual place to think about tenderness, but I saw it at the funeral of Dennis, the husband of a former co-worker of mine who died unexpectedly.

I didn\u2019t know him all that well, but I saw his tenderness in the photos of him with his wife and children. The slideshow that flashed across the screen at the front of the sanctuary showed a man who loved his family. You could see it in his smile. You could also hear it in what the pastor shared about him and his faithfulness and commitment to his family.

Another place I saw tenderness was at the memorial service for a longtime friend and missionary who succumbed to cancer. I couldn\u2019t make it to the service in person, so I watched it online. He was a leader and visionary in his mission organization and several of his colleagues talked about what a kind and compassionate man he was. With tears in their eyes, they spoke of his humility and how he mentored each of them in ways that brought out the best in each one of them.

His wife and son also spoke. His wife, in particular, showed how devastated her loss has been. She spoke briefly about how much God hates death and the impact it has had on her. The tenderness in her loving relationship with her husband made the pain of her tragedy all the more difficult to watch.

Shouldering a difficult responsibility

The last example of death that\u2019s been surrounding me lately began with a text I recently received from Martin, my former missionary friend. I talked about him in episodes 071 and 072.

Martin wrote. \u201cJosephine went to be with Jesus this afternoon and is now again united with Suzanne.\u201d Josephine was his wife Suzanne\u2019s mother who lived with them. When Suzanne died two years ago, Martin became the prime caregiver of his mother-in-law.

This was a difficult responsibility for Martin in the context of his deep grief over losing his wife so suddenly and unexpectedly. It was also burdensome because of the significant health challenges his 80-something mother-in-law faced. I don\u2019t know of many men who would have accepted this responsibility. Over the past two years, Martin and I talked about how wearisome it was for him.

But in his commitment to his mother-in-law, I saw a tenderness in his relationship to his deceased wife. By caring for her mother, Martin was honoring Suzanne. Both of them returned first from China and then Germany to move to Chicago for the sole purpose of caring for Josephine. And Martin followed through on that commitment even though his wife was no longer with him to help. It\u2019s really quite a touching story of love.

Tenderness at a restaurant

Finally, In the midst of all this death I\u2019ve been talking about, there was also a moment of tenderness I witnessed in a man consoling his wife in a restaurant. Not about death, but about money. I\u2019ve been thinking about it for days.

I saw it played out on a weekend trip Janet and I took to a vacation spot in northeastern Wisconsin, Door County. There\u2019s a well-known restaurant there we like to go to for breakfast, The White Gull Inn. While walking behind the hostess ushering us to our table, I spotted a young couple in their early 30s.

I only overheard a small part of their conversation as they talked over the menu options. It was when the husband leaned across the table to his wife, looked her in the eye, and with the most compassionate and reassuring of voices, said,

\u201c\u2026. we\u2019re on vacation.\u201d

It was a moment of tenderness I won\u2019t soon forget. From what I could tell from hearing the husband and seeing his eyes and body language, \u201cWe\u2019re on vacation\u201d was code for,

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about the price, honey. Order what you\u2019d really like. I know what you\u2019d like is a little more expensive, but we\u2019ve been pinching pennies all year. I know you worry about spending too much money, but just this once, treat yourself. You\u2019re worth it. We\u2019ll be okay with the money. We\u2019ll figure it out. We\u2019ve been saving for quite a while to do this. So enjoy yourself, please. Do it for me, okay? We\u2019re on vacation.\u201d

I could only see the back of the wife\u2019s head, but I have a hunch there were tears in her eyes in response to the tenderness of her husband.

We\u2019ve been there too

Janet and I are twice as old as this couple, and we\u2019ve had a number of \u201c\u2026we\u2019re on vacation\u201d moments like this. Where because of our financial condition at the time, the price difference between two scrambled eggs and the Denver omelet seemed like half a mortgage payment.

I was so taken by this guy\u2019s compassion for his wife. It encouraged me to be more like him. And then, several days after this tender moment in time, I thought of something else.

I wish I would have had the presence of mind to get the attention of their waitress and tell her to bring me their bill, and I would pay for it. Yeah, I wish I would have thought of that.

So what does all this mean for YOU?

I\u2019ve talked about two unusual places where I found tenderness. At funerals and at a restaurant. How about you? I wonder what are the unusual places you\u2019ve found tenderness displayed. My guess is there are more places all of us could witness tender relationship moments if we paid attention and looked for them. Now is as good a time as any to start.

Here\u2019s the main takeaway I hope you remember from today\u2019s episode

The tenderness you see in relationships, often in unusual places, can inspire us to develop and nurture tenderness in our own relationships. It\u2019s worth the effort to look for it. We\u2019ll be better people for it.

Relationship question of the month

Last week I introduced you to PodInBox.com, a website you can go to to leave a private voicemail for me. I would like to experiment with this tool to get listeners more involved with the episodes I\u2019m planning for November, the month of Thanksgiving.

For example, I have a relationship question I\u2019d like you to answer by going to podinbox.com/john. There you can record your answer to my question using your phone or computer. I\u2019m going to call it my \u201cQuestion of the Month.\u201d With your answer, please include your name and where you\u2019re from. It\u2019s that simple. There\u2019s nothing to write or prepare. Okay? Here\u2019s the question:

What is a story from one of your relationships that you are especially thankful for?

It can be just about anything. Like a time someone was especially kind to you. Or maybe something you learned from a person in your life. It could be something you observed in a crowd or in the company of strangers. Just about anything involving a relationship you\u2019re grateful for would be fair game.

I\u2019ll need your response by 5 pm Central time on November 16. Just go to PodinBox.com/John to record your answer. If something comes to mind right now, head over to PodinBox.com/John and give me a call.

I\u2019ll pick several responses to air on our Thanksgiving episode. Who knows, it could be yours! And if so, it will look good on your resume.

Closing

In closing, I\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode, either in writing or a phone call through PodinBox.com/John. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, enough to put into practice what you\u2019ve just heard about looking for tenderness in unusual places.

For when you do, it will help you experience the joy of relationships God desires for you. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\u2019s it for today. If there\u2019s someone in your life you think might like to hear what you just heard, please forward this episode on to them. The link is JohnCertalic.com/181. Or scroll down to the bottom of the show notes for this episode and click on one of the options in the yellow \u201cShare This\u201d bar.

And don\u2019t forget to spread a little relational sunshine around the people you meet this week. Spark some joy for them. And I\u2019ll see you again next time. Goodbye for now.

Related episodes you may want to listen to

139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast?
072: How to Help a Grieving Friend
071: What I learned from a Grieving Friend
021: The Most Important Relationship of All

Last week\u2019s episode

180: An Unusual Place to Find Joy

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