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Published: May 12, 2021, 8 a.m.

We deepen our relationships when we consider what might be the question behind the question asked of us, and then address the deeper issue.

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 104.

One of the things I like about our podcast is the engagement I find with our listeners. It\u2019s one of the benefits of listening to You Were Made for This that I spoke about in our very first episode back in late November of 2018. I\u2019ll have a link to that episode, 001 Six Reasons to Listen to this Podcast, in the show notes for listeners who may have missed it.

I so enjoy getting your comments about our weekly episodes. Most are brief and encouraging, which I very much appreciate. And then every so often we\u2019ll get a more lengthy response that challenges and stimulates my thinking. One such response from a listener came in recently that I found most interesting, and which is the basis of today\u2019s show. It\u2019s a concept that can help you transform your relationships into the best they can be. So keep listening.

Listener response from Pittsburgh

Not too long ago I received an email from Randy, a long-time listener to the podcast. Randy happens to be the Director of Financial Aid at the University of Pittsburgh.

Randy wrote to me with his reaction to episode 097, Good Things Happen If We Ask. He related the episode to the work he does in the world of academic financial aid. Here is what Randy wrote:

\u201cWhile your focus on the podcast was about asking questions, this also took me down the path of when I meet with students and families.\xa0 Most are so new to the process of applying for financial aid they do not know the questions to be asking.\xa0 So, I approach answering their question, by then taking them on a journey of connecting dots to important pieces that address the real questions they need to have answered to ultimately be able to make their decision about affordability in attending our institution.\xa0\u201c

\u201cWe often think we are asking the right question when in reality we either are not asking the right question or only skimming the surface.\xa0 So, hopefully, as we become better question askers, we can also help others do the same by how we answer their questions.\u201d

Accounting: I didn\u2019t know what I didn\u2019t know

My experience with setting up my accounting when I started my former business

An important question behind the question

John the Baptist was in prison when he heard all the things Jesus was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus,

\u201cAre you the Messiah we\u2019ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?\u201c Matthew 11:3

The disciples\u2019 question is loaded with emotion. Behind the question is wondering, \u201chave we made a mistake in following you? Our leader, John, your cousin, is stuck in prison while you\u2019re doing all these wonderful things. If you\u2019re truly the one we\u2019ve been waiting for, why is John locked up, unable to help you?\u201d

• A tinge of hopelessness, discouragement, and the feeling of "maybe we should cut our losses and move on"
• Fear that we may have made a mistake
• Fear that we\u2019ve wasted a lot of time
• Wondering, is it all true. Can we trust you to be who you say you are?

Jesus responds to the question behind the question

• In answering John\u2019s disciples, he addresses 3 different people: The disciples - John the Baptist himself - the crowds that were listening in on all this.
• To the disciples, he doesn\u2019t give a yes or no answer to their yes or no question. Instead, he answers their question behind the question. He answers by reminding them what they have heard and seen, and then go back and remind John of the same thing
• \u201cthe blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor.\u201d
• In essence, lives are being transformed
• And then there is this oh so tender response to John himself, \u201cGod blesses those who do not turn away because of me.\u201d In effect, hang in their John. You\u2019re in prison because of the stand you took for me, and my Father is going to reward you for it.
• As John\u2019s disciples begin to leave, Jesus turns to the crowd and praises John the Baptist, in verse 11 of Chapter 11, Jesus says, \u201cI tell you the truth, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John the Baptist.\u201d

So what does all this mean for YOU?

How can you use what you\u2019ve heard today to improve the relationships in YOUR life? Here are a few ideas:

Become more skilled in answering questions people ask, anticipate that there may be a deeper concern behind their surface question.

Practice the ORA principle of deepening relationships: Observe - Remember - Ask

Observe

• Pay attention to any emotion that comes with the question. Is there any fear? Any sadness? Anger? How about joy? Do you see any regret?
• Put yourself in the shoes of the person asking you the question. If you were in their shoes, what would you be thinking or feeling?

Remember

• Remember what it was like for you when you didn\u2019t know what you didn\u2019t know. Draw from that experience to extend grace and understanding.

Ask

• Ask follow-up questions. Get people to define their terms. Ask for examples. Get clarification.
• Ask God\u2019s spirit for help in responding to the question that will be most helpful.

If you're feeling like John the Baptist

Reading from Sarah Young's, Jesus Today, Day 102.

If you forget everything else, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember from today\u2019s episode

We deepen our relationships when we consider what might be an underlying question behind the question asked of us, and then address the deeper issue if one is present.

I\u2019d love to hear any thoughts you have about today\u2019s episode. Just send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org. I may share them in a future episode unless you say otherwise. You can also share your thoughts in the \u201cLeave a Reply\u201d box at the bottom of the show notes.

Closing

In closing, if you found the podcast helpful, please subscribe if you haven\u2019t already done so. You can also help us to serve more people when you leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to both reflect and to act. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that\u2019s all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week. Goodbye for now.

You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.\xa0 If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did.

Related episodes you may want to listen to

001: Six Reasons to Listen to this Podcast

097: Good Things Happen If We Ask

064: Start With This Important Question to Ask

011: Relationship Skills - Level 1