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Published: Oct. 28, 2020, 8 a.m.

Getting a letter helps people who are feeling isolated & lonely. Composing and mailing our thoughts to someone connects us with them. That's the topic of today's episode.

Hello everyone and welcome to today\u2019s episode where today we consider a simple thing we can do to nurture our relationship with people.

Some of us are doing better than others in coping with the pandemic we\u2019re living through here in 2020. For those of us who are, and who want to help those of us who are not, you may find today\u2019s episode helpful.

I recently came across an idea you might want to consider if you have people in your life struggling with the isolation we are experiencing during these difficult days. Listen in as we consider an old-school strategy that research has shown to be effective in caring for the emotional health of people close to us.

It\u2019s an idea that comes out of a newspaper article by Jamie Friedlander in the Washington Post on September 15, 2020. entitled, \u201cWho Needs Another Zoom Call? Why Sending Letters Might Help Your Loved Ones."It shows how getting a letter helps people who are feeling lonely and isolated. I\u2019ll read a few excerpts from the article:

Supporting friends and family who are going through a hard time used to involve meaningful chats at the local coffee shop, venting over a glass of wine on the couch or warm embraces followed by words of encouragement. Now, because of the coronavirus pandemic, those traditions are on hold.

But we can take another approach: sending handwritten letters. The old-fashioned gesture could be particularly beneficial now: The pandemic is adversely affecting Americans\u2019 mental health, and research suggests that being contacted by letter can lower the risk of suicide. Besides, after months of remote work and virtual communication, many people might welcome a tangible alternative to yet another Zoom call. Feel awkward writing a nondigital missive? No worries, we have you covered.

If you know someone who is troubled, that person is not alone.\xa0According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there has been a stark increase in emotional distress among Americans since the pandemic began. In June, nearly 31\xa0percent of U.S. adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression, while almost 11 percent said that they had seriously considered suicide. The prevalence of anxiety symptoms alone was about triple that of the same time period in 2019.

One contributing factor to the national mental health struggle during the pandemic has been the ongoing social isolation plaguing millions of Americans. It\u2019s the greatest concern of Amanda Spray, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York University\u2019s Grossman School of Medicine. \u201cSocial isolation is a symptom of depression,\u201d she says, \u201cand it leads to worsening of depression.\u201d But getting a letter helps people.

\u201c[Letters] help provide social support, even if you can\u2019t be there with your friend or family member, holding their hand and being by their side,\u201d says Spray.

Research indicates that such support can have a significant impact on recipients\u2019 mental health. The medium is as important as the message. People consider letters meaningful, because so much effort goes into sending them. It takes time to find the right stationery, think about what to write, buy postage stamps, look up the\xa0person\u2019s address and find a postbox. \u201cIt requires a kind of deliberation that is so lacking in our time of fast-paced messaging and media,\u201d Lee says. \u201cWhen you receive a handwritten letter, you\xa0reflexively start imagining the author sitting down and reflecting, thinking about you. .\u2009.\u2009. That\u2019s why\xa0it\u2019s so very effective at showing someone does care about you.\u201d

To support a lonely or isolated friend with a handwritten letter, keep these tips in mind: Don\u2019t worry about finding the perfect thing to say.

The hardest thing about having cancer was not losing my hair or those other things you hear about,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was the loneliness I felt when friends and family didn\u2019t know what to say and ended up disappearing as a result.\u201d
Lee emphasizes the importance of being as sincere and personal as possible, instead of focusing on writing the perfect message. \u201cSometimes, we get so distracted trying to find the right things to say, we don\u2019t even realize that we sacrifice being absolutely genuine,\u201d she says.

Picture the recipient before you begin writing.

Instead of thinking about yourself and what to say, envision the other person. What do you like about them? Why are you grateful to have them in your life? Have you ever learned anything meaningful from them?

Focus on the future.

If possible, share your hopes for something you wish to do or experience with the other person once the pandemic has ended. \u201cThat lens in the letter helps that person \u2014 and yourself \u2014 be a little bit more future-oriented,\u201d Lee says. \u201cIt exudes some hope.\u201d

Remember the elderly.

Not only are older family members less likely to be tech-savvy enough for a video chat, but they\u2019re also more prone to loneliness, Lee says. \u201cI think they\u2019re especially vulnerable throughout this pandemic for so many reasons,\u201d Lee says. \u201cLetters could really impact their sense of loneliness and social connection in a powerful way.\u201d

If you forget everything else, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember from today\u2019s episode. Our show in a sentence:

One effective way to care for someone feeling isolated and alone during our pandemic is to write them a letter.

Here\u2019s what you can do in response to today\u2019s show.

Since getting a letter helps people, write one to someone. I wrote one to my Aunt Lucille who recently turned 100 years old. Here\u2019s what I wrote:

October 21, 2020

Dear Aunt Lucille,

I enjoyed talking to you a few weeks ago on your 100th birthday. After we talked, I started thinking about the many things you have experienced since your first birthday on October 5, 1920.

You lived through the Roaring \u201920s and Prohibition. You were only 9 years old when The Great Depression started in 1929. I wonder what that was like for you, living during those difficult days.

And then there were the wars our country has been involved with since 1920. The bombing of Pearl Harbor that started WWII. You were 21years old then. Then the Korean War, Vietnam, and the wars in the Mideast since September 11, 2001.

From Woodrow Wilson, who was in office when you were born, to Donald Trump today, you have lived through 17 different presidents. I find that amazing! Who knows, maybe there will be an 18th new president in a few weeks.

You lived through so many cultural changes in your 100 years. And so many inventions, too. But in spite of all the changes you\u2019ve seen in your lifetime, there are a few things that have been constant in your life.

For example, one thing you\u2019ve touched on when we\u2019ve talked in the past, or letters you have written to me, has been your faith in God. I have so appreciated your reference to praying to God. That is one constant that puts all your other experiences in life in proper perspective.

Another constant you\u2019ve shared with me is your love for your family. You have written and spoken fondly of your children, Diane, Jean, Duane, Jack, and David, and you\u2019ve given me updates of what is going on in their lives. It gives me a sense of being connected with my roots as I learn about my cousins. I wish I would have asked you more about Uncle Ray, though, your husband.

I distinctly remember visiting you as a young boy before I was a teenager. You were very kind and gracious to my parents and 4 siblings during our visit. I also remember our family visiting you the summer after I graduated from high school and before I started college. That was a fun time. I also remember you, Aunt Virginia, and Aunt Rodell visiting my parents back in the \u201870s or \u201880s. I think Jean may have driven you from Wadena to Milwaukee. What a kind thing for all of you to do to visit your youngest sister, my mother.

The visit I remember most distinctly happened maybe 10-15 years ago when Janet and I drove up to Wadena to spend a few days with you and Aunt Virginia. You were so gracious and hospitable to Janet and me. You made us feel right at home.

I wanted to learn more about my family history and you were so patient in answering my questions and going through all the many photographs you had of family members, both living and deceased. It made me feel connected.

During our visit, I also greatly appreciated driving past the farmhouse in Staples where you and my mother were raised. I have fond memories of visiting there when I was a kid. I never could have found that place without you giving directions from the back seat of our car.

Finally, I just want to tell you what a wonderful aunt you have been to me. And for whatever years the Lord has left for you on this earth, may he continue to richly

bless you. And may you look forward to many more years, even richer, and more joyous years, when you meet Jesus in heaven.

Love,

Your nephew, John

As always, another thing you could do is let me and your fellow listeners know what resonated with you about today\u2019s episode. You can share your thoughts in the \u201cLeave a Reply\u201d box at the bottom of the show notes. Or you can send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org.

Closing

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to both reflect and to act, knowing that getting letters helps people. May you find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Our Relationship Quote of the Week

When an old person dies, a library burns to the ground.\xa0 ~ African proverb

That\u2019s all for today. See you next week. Goodbye for now.

If you missed last week's episode #74 on keeping our relationships healthy during the election season, click here to listen in.

Who Needs Another Zoom Call? Why Sending Letters Might Help Your Loved Ones - The Washington Post, by Jamie Friedlander, September 15, 2020

You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.\xa0 If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did.