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Published: Oct. 7, 2020, 8 a.m.

Death teaches us how to live when we join someone in going through their grief. What I learned from a grieving friend can benefit all of us.

Welcome to today\u2019s episode, no. 72, where today we consider what we can learn from a grieving friend.

In last week\u2019s episode, number 71, How to Help a Grieving Friend, I talked about the shocking news Janet and I received from our missionary friend, Martin, concerning the sudden and unexpected death of his wife, and our friend, Suzanne. I talked about ways we can help a grieving friend, even as we ourselves grieve.

For today, I want us to reflect upon what we learn in walking together with a friend through his or her grief. There is much we can benefit from if we pay attention. For me, I find it starts with a rather haunting verse about death found in the Old Testament. A really unusual verse. Listen in as I explain.

In fact, this scripture passage will be our relationship quote of the week with which we normally end each episode. But today we\u2019ll put it in the beginning. It speaks to our relationship with death, for it shows us how a Godly persective on death teaches us how to live.

Scripture passage

Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies - so the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time. \xa0 \xa0 ~ Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 (NLT)

In reflecting upon my experience being with Martin as he grieves the loss of his wife, I learned 4 things I want to share that shows ways how death teaches us how to live.

Four things I learned from my grieving friend 1. Being with a grieving friend is like being on a missions trip.

• Visiting another culture is often jarring to us because it is so unfamiliar.
  Death is unfamiliar territory to most of us. We don\u2019t encounter it every day.
• We don\u2019t know the language\u2026. \u201cI have no words.\u201d Mel Lawrenz\u2019s book,\xa0 A Chronicle of Grief, talks about this phrase.
• Feel unskilled. On a missions trip, we were \u201cexperts\u201d in navigating the culture we came from, in this new culture, this culture of grief, we are novices, especially in the area of relationships.
• Returning on missions trip is harder than going in the first place. So it is when we face the aftermath of death. After the funeral and when others have moved on with their life, but we haven\u2019t.

2. Grief exposes our inadequacies

• Death is a problem we cannot fix
• Listening is more important than talking, but we feel so inadequate in doing so
• A friend from church who said, \u201cShe\u2019s in a better place.\u201d\xa0 YIKES!
• Our presence is more important than our words
• It\u2019s harder for those left behind than for those going on ahead
• People grieving may need our relationship with them more later than right away

3. God uses different people in different ways to care for a grieving person

• Meal train set up
• Friends Krista and Bob taking Serena in for 3-4 days of the week
• A friend who set up a \u201cGoFundMe\u201d campaign, then wrote a personal check for the funeral home
• Grief support group. The quote Martin found helpful, \u201cGrief, stewarded well, invites hope.\u201d

4. How we have lived will impact people after we die

• Organ donation
• Her character and the impact she left on people
• The tributes written on her memorial page
• In Suzanne\u2019s death we see a picture of the character of God in how she lived
• That smile of Suzanne\u2019s
• How Suzanne used her death teaches us how to live.

If you forget everything else, here\u2019s the one thing I hope you remember from today\u2019s episode. Our show in a sentence:

Joining a friend in their grief teaches us valuable lessons about life.

Here\u2019s what you can do in response to today\u2019s show:

As Ecclesiastes 7:4 advises, be a wise person and \u201cthink a lot about death.\u201d For when we do, death teaches us how to live.\xa0Think about what we value, knowing someday we will die. Think about what we want people to remember about us, knowing someday we will die. Think about how we should live now, knowing someday we will die. And think about our relationship with God, and his Son Jesus, knowing someday we will die.

And then ask God to show us what we need to change in our life before it\u2019s too late.

As always, another thing you could do is let me and your fellow listeners know what resonated with you about today\u2019s episode. You can share your thoughts in the \u201cLeave a Reply\u201d box at the bottom of the show notes. Or you can send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org. I\u2019d love to hear from you.

Closing

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today\u2019s show, to reflect upon your own mortality. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships before it\u2019s too late. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Now our relationship quote of the week

\u201cBetter to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies - so the living should take this to heart. 3Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. 4A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time.\u201d ~ Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 (NLT)

Two last things

Here's the link to the memorial page for Susanne. Click here to read the beautiful tributes to Suzanne.

Also, as I mentioned in last week's episode, this podcast and our blog posts are sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry?\xa0 We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.\xa0 If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did.

That\u2019s all for today. See you next week. Goodbye for now.