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Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her\\u2026 (Ephesians 5:21-26).

Whenever I read this text, I recall the parishioner who came with a question, \\u201cWhen a husband and wife disagree, who gets to make the decision? Who gets the final word?\\u201d She needed to have an answer.

As many of you know, this has been a thorny text and much misused. The notion of \\u2018headship in marriage\\u2019 remains a significant complication. I also recall having a conversation with a dear saint who was a strong advocate for this idea. When I asked her what \\u2018headship\\u2019 meant she had no answer. This is the problem. The church has not come to clarity on this term.

Despite all this, there is a way forward. To begin with, the question, \\u201cWho gets the final word?\\u201d leads us astray. It is approaching the marriage relationship from the perspective of power or authority, which is a worldly way of dealing with it. It is not the Christ way. It does not help us to practice resurrection.

Paul is here offering advice on how to relate with those closest to us: in the family and in the workplace. Historical evidence suggests that Paul offers similar advice to that which non-Christians gave. But he includes one large caveat, \\u201cSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ\\u201d. And this makes all the difference. I maintain that this is one of the most under preached text in the New Testament.

The concept of headship is largely seen through the lens of power or authority. The question, \\u201cWho has the last word?\\u201d comes out of that prism. But Jesus said, \\u201cunless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven\\u201d (Matthew 18:3). He also said, \\u201cYou know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant\\u201d (Matthew 20:25-26).

This, I think, is what Paul is echoing when he wrote, \\u201cSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ.\\u201d I understand and believe that even within the Christian community there are abusive spouses who must be separated from their families for the wellbeing of all. The Christian community needs to have the courage to say and name this and do it when necessary.

Apart from these situations, many marriages can be saved and become beautiful if we learn to practice everything that Paul has been writing about. What I mean is, \\u2018Practice it at home first.\\u2019 Often, Christian husbands and wives fail to practice the virtues of the Christian faith at home.

This is where we practice resurrection. This is where the Holy Spirit penetrates our being with the very life and presence of God. If we do not notice \\u201ca bruised reed \\u2026 and a dimly burning wick\\u201d (Isaiah 42:3; cf. Mathew 12:20) at home, where else will we notice them? We love the spectacular. But not God. He is concerned about the little things. It is in the daily tasks, in the daily acts of love and worship that resurrection living is learned. We never graduate to higher ground. Its practice immerses us in named people, specific tasks, the stuff of everyday.

Do you believe this?

Here is how Paul sets us up, \\u201cBe filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ\\u2026submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ\\u201d (Ephesians 5:18-21).

The glory of the Christian life is not in the splashy, news grabbing, spectacular events, but in the daily acts of humility to serve those closest to us, husband, wife, child. Its not an easy task. So we go with this blessing:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:17-21).