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Bread and Butter People
by Melanie Lowndes (edited by Lizzie for Turning Towards Life)

She is the neighbour who is always pleased to see you, who years ago with her husband and kids had many animals. Her husband once stopped you on the way home and said, “Look what I've got - she doesn't know yet…” and proudly showed you a piglet which used to run to the door in the hall with it's wriggly tail wagging when you came in.

She is the Welsh lady with the foreign surname who lives with her Indian homeopath husband and does B&B the old way, taking in guests who stay in the bedroom full of books and character and a little mess, and carefully cooks what you like for breakfast and dinner.

He is the father of your ex who in latter years had greyhound dogs and you could escape the politeness of the house each evening to walk with him - and Hannah or Rose, him listening, ever a safe and un-judgmental receptacle of your disclosures.

There is a safeness about bread and butter people, a consistency.

Yes it's also Scottish Jean, who lost her husband after caring for him for many years and was in grief, and who had a gravelly smokey Glaswegian voice that could reduce you to tears with a question.

There is a kindness about them, a down-to-earthness, an every-dayness, no glamour nor allure but something deeply nurturing; no eggshells around them. There’s no fear that they're putting on an act for you, that they may be different towards you when you are not there, no fear that what they show you is different to how they are to their core.

This is the way they are: consistent - and you understand something about consistency now - it is not about always showing up the same way - it is about consistently showing up how you are, honestly, whether that be happy or sad, calm or troubled.

I think of the times people have actually delivered. The mates that show up. The people who come back. Who care. Who check in. Who stay. Who make tea and stir in a little extra sweetness without making a fuss.

The bread and butter people in our lives.

The staple friendships.

The kind dough that kneads our self esteem.