TU31: Attachment on a Spectrum: Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security

Published: May 17, 2017, 9:40 p.m.

b'IN THIS EPISODE:\\nAttachment on a Spectrum: Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security\\nIt\\u2019s been awhile since we\\u2019ve talked specifically about attachment. \\xa0In this episode we are going to discuss it again more from a clinical perspective rather than from a research perspective. We are focusing on research updated within the past decade including Patricia Crittendon (see graph). We are examining attachment on a spectrum rather than fixed styles. It may not sound a whole lot different on the surface; however, this is an real update from Bowlby, Main and Ainsworth. \\xa0This conversation sets us up to do more clinical intervention that we will discuss in later episodes.\\nAttachment is\\xa0a biologically based drive that helps mammals survive by gaining safety, comfort and pleasure from their caregivers.\\nCultures can greatly impact the type of attachment that is normalized.\\xa0No matter where you start, you can grow towards attachment security, what we call \\u201cearned security.\\u201d\\xa0We may anchor more in one area, but move in the continuum depending on situation/relationship.\\nPrevious assessment measures such as the AAI scored speakers that switched styles as disorganized, but the newer clinical research such as the DMM allows speakers to switch styles due to having different attachments to different caregivers, to use different working models based on different stressors (low stress low preoccupation, high stress, high dismissiveness for example), or be specifically driven. In other words, they aren\\u2019t necessarily disorganized at all.\\nRegardless of where you begin, the work is to move more and more toward the middle toward secure relating. Rather than utility\\u2026let me fix your emotions\\u2026it is better to help the individual feel it, express it and utilize relationships to help regulate themselves.\\nWe outline the continuum\\u2026 From Dismissive (blue) to Secure (green) to Preoccupied (red) (See graph above).\\xa0The more in the middle, the healthier use of the relationships, at either end of continuum, we get further and further away from what is going to help us,\\xa0especially relationships.\\nAttachment On A Spectrum\\nBlue-this side emphasizes thinking/uses emotional shut down\\nGreen \\u2013 balances between cognition and affect\\nRed\\u2026this side emphasizes emotions!\\xa0Lots of words!\\nWhen we lean too far right on the preoccupied side, we get caught in the feeling! Get flooded, and lose our\\xa0listener, not enough internal resources to soothe self AND reach for the other.. As we\\xa0are reaching, we\\xa0are panicked because we\\xa0don\\u2019t believe they will be there AND we\\xa0don\\u2019t believe we\\xa0can survive if they aren\\u2019t! It\\u2019s an emotional conundrum. Then we\\xa0engage in behaviors that end up overwhelming those in relationship with us. Thus they pull away and confirm the reality that no one will be there.\\nWhen we lean too far left, on the avoidant/dismissive side, we get too rational and sort of cold, and our task is to get our hearts back on-line, and to feel our needs again. When we lean too far on the right side, we get consumed with our own feelings and become blamey, clingy and underestimate our contribution to the problem. It\\u2019s best to take ourselves most seriously by reconnecting to the person we are interested in being comforted by, try on their perspective, and cool our jets a bit so we can be more effective in communicating. We can unintentionally scare the one\\u2019s we love the most away.\\nThere is a lot more to it but this is a good start, stay tuned for more.\\n\\nRESOURCES:\\nAdditional resources for this episode:\\n\\n* Patricia Crittendon and Andrea Landini:\\xa0Assessing Adult Attachment A Dynamic-Maturational Approach to Discourse Analysis (2011)\\xa0Book that updates the previous attachment literature specific to clinical populations.'