BROADCASTS.com

Published: March 10, 2023, 6 a.m.

Today's episode has been chosen by my audio engineer and producer, John Crowley, as one of this favorite episodes which earns the status of "good enough for a second time around" slot. And boy, does shame cause problems.

People often come into therapy saying things like, \u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019m wasting your time, \u201c or, \u201cI don\u2019t know why I can\u2019t pull myself together, \u201c Or, \u201cIf I believed in my faith and God enough, I wouldn\u2019t be here. But because I am, I\u2019ve failed.\u201d

I know \u2013 without a doubt \u2013 I\u2019m listening to shame talking.

Here are the ten most common birthplaces of shame you've never deserved... but carried with you. And it's time to challenge any voices that tell you differently.

• You were treated like an object through physical or sexual abuse.
• You were neglected and your most basic needs were intentionally unmet.
• You were valued only for external attributes or achievements, not for who you were.
• You were put on a pedestal or smothered, so you lack a sense of true security in yourself. Instead, you could \u201cdo no wrong.\u201d
• You were put in charge as a child, did the best you could, but ultimately felt as if you failed.
• You were pulled into adult conflicts/dynamics that you couldn\u2019t fix.
• What hurt you was invalidated or you feared rejection if you revealed your true self.
• You weren\u2019t allowed to want/be/talk/think differently than your parents.
• You grew up in a family where nothing made rational sense and rules were always changing.
• You were compared negatively to others.

The listener voicemail is from someone who\u2019s been diagnosed with Bp 1, 2, and then BPD, and has become overly reclusive. But what may be a major impediment to becoming more successful professionally and personally is his tendency to take what others say too personally \u2013 and building a wall of resentment toward them.. At the same time, he has friends and family who are supportive \u2013 so what\u2019s going wrong?

Vital Links:

Here's the link to my course Perfectly Hidden Addiction on April 5, 2023 at 9:00 CST! Great for CE but also for information!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

And Click this link to try out some of the most potent CBD out there (And the best bang for your buck!) ! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!

Excellent article on 17 shaming states children hear in shame-based families by Doran Lamb

BetterHelp''s extremely helpful article illustrating how to find a Certified DBT Therapist

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by Mathias Reding.

\n\nOur Sponsors:\n* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com\n* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK \n\nAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands