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Published: Oct. 7, 2022, 5 a.m.

Today we\u2019re going to talk about guilt and self-forgiveness. Basically there are two forms of guilt. Healthy guilt \u2013 or when you feel remorse for something that you did or said or felt \u2013 and maladaptive guilt which is guilt that doesn\u2019t serve any positive rationale, but instead eats you up from the inside. For example, survivor\u2019s guilt, a fairly common kind of guilt, is maladaptive.\xa0I\u2019ll also offer my own seven steps to self-forgiveness. For many, especially for those who struggle with depression already, self-forgiveness can be a struggle.

Please know this episode may be triggering for those of you who\u2019ve been through a difficult experience and listen with caution and care.

Here are those seven steps:

• You choose or want to do the work of forgiving yourself. That means you don\u2019t wallow in blame, but you also take your share of the responsibility.
• Look at your past and see if you were constantly blamed (you were the \u201cblack sheep\u201d) or if you weren\u2019t guided to take responsibility (you were never in the wrong). Either end of the spectrum could be paralyzing
• Seek a therapist\u2019s help or talk to a trusted friend to shed light on this dynamic. Acknowledge how you could be repeating the pattern.
• With this new perspective, write out what your mistake was. Did you see that it was a mistake and make it anyway, or did you not realize it was?
• Ask yourself, \u201cIf someone I cared about made this mistake, would I treat them the same way I\u2019m treating myself?\u201d Have self-compassion.
• Visualize and write out what it would be like for you to forgive yourself \u2013 to take responsibility but not to wallow.
• Do something constructive. Make amends if possible. And move on.

The voicemail for today isn\u2019t meant to create any kind of political or spiritual furor. So please recognize that. But the poignancy of this listener\u2019s question rang very true to me \u2013 and that is, \u201cWhat am I supposed to do when my therapist seemed to understand and have compassion for what I shared with him, but I later learn has very strong opinions about the rightness and wrongness of that choice?" \xa0The topic happens to be abortion \u2013 but the process, not the content, is why I\u2019m responding. It\u2019s about experiencing a betrayal of trust by your therapist.

Important Links:

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BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!\xa0

SelfWork Episode on\xa0survivor\u2019s guilt in Episode 240

Psych Central featured a story on guilt,

A wonderful article on Covid and survivor's guilt

You can hear more about forgiveness and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there\u2019s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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