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Published: July 8, 2022, 5 a.m.

What's one of the most frequent questions I get from SelfWorkers?

\xa0What do you do when you care about someone who\u2019s depressed or destructive or anxious or ill and they don\u2019t seem to be able to or even want to help themselves? Maybe from your perspective they\u2019ve given up, are in denial, or are extremely defensive about how they\u2019re living or how their struggles are impacting you, the family, them, their job \u2013 their entire life. \xa0Part of many mental and emotional problems \u2013 especially those that involve seeming distortions in thinking \u2013 are hard to recognize by the person who has those very beliefs or behaviors.\xa0Or maybe they don't see their depression \u2013 or their impulsivity \u2013 or their hypervigilance \u2013 as something that could be helped and/or treated.

When you're trying to love them, you can feel confusion, helplessness, self-righteousness, anger, sadness, irritation, disappointment \u2013 so many emotions. So today, we'll focus on five tips of what to do \xa0\u2013 or try to do about it. And a quick hint\u2026 sometimes the \u201cit\u201d isn\u2019t how to get your point across to the other person. Sometimes it means looking at yourself and reevaluating your own choices.

The listener email today is from a young woman who found my book PHD on Audible recently and she\u2019s giving me what the book has meant to her. You might find yourself in her story\u2026 and if so, I hope the book could help you as well.

And in response to hearing from many of you these past few weeks about the meaning of Perfectly Hidden Depression for you - and for a little summer kick, here's a giveaway for you!!! \xa0Email me at askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com or send me a voicemail.via SpeakPipe \u2026 and for the 10th email and the 4th Speakpipe, I\u2019ll send you a free signed copy of my book PHD! So two ways of winning!

Here are the five tips:

1. Make sure you check your own agenda.
2. Remain available but know you may have to emotionally detach.
3. Recognize your loved one may not have the capacity to make the desired change at this time. Maybe they're learning something they need to learn.
4. Take care of yourself, and by so doing, you're acting as a role model as well.
5. Keep watch over your own mental and emotional state. Find a trusted friend or therapist to confide in.

So in this episode of SW, also sponsored by AG1, let\u2019s focus on how you can approach or cope with depression and anxiety disorders in someone you love \u2013 when they themselves can\u2019t seem to try or don\u2019t agree with you that something is a problem.

Important Links:\xa0

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

Wonderful Tiny Buddha article on what to do when someone you love won't help themselves.

Excellent article on Boardwalk Recovery: about Al-Anon

YouTube video on recent rise of young female suicides in Japan

Perfectly Hidden Depression Questionnaire

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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