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Published: Oct. 8, 2021, 5 a.m.

Welcome to a difficult episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp. \xa0First of all, I need to state a trigger/content warning for anyone listening who was forced manipulatively, physically or sexually into a sexual relationship with a parent or grandparent.

I\u2019ve done an episode on sibling sexual abuse\xa0and received a lot of feedback, thanking me for explaining the feelings associated with being molested by a brother or sister. Today, we\u2019re going to widen the discussion to familial incest, and will focus on when a parent sexualizes the relationship they have a with a child. I\u2019ll use the case histories of people I\u2019ve worked with, both women and men, to describe what happened to them, and how they\u2019ve come to understand and heal their very deep wounds of never feeling safe or loved for who they were, but for what they could \u201cdo\u201d or were forced to do for a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or an uncle. \u2013 literally being treated like an object there to be controlled and manipulated.

The international sexual abuse hotline links can be found below in your show notes.

Today\u2019s listener email is from a listener who\u2019s identified with borderline personality disorder and who's struggling with self-forgiveness.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

RAINN statistics on incest and sexual abuse

A SelfWork episode on confronting your abuser

Melissa Bradley-Ball, sexual abuse expert, \xa0speaking on healing from abuse

SelfWork episode on self-forgiveness

If you\u2019ve been abused, there are\xa0several excellent books\xa0that might help you.\xa0\u201cThe Courage To Heal\u201d\xa0by Laura Davis and\xa0\u201cWaking The Tiger\u201d\xa0by Peter Levine are two classics. Many rape crisis centers also run free groups for victims, as do individual counselors. There are\xa0chat groups on Twitter\xa0\u2014 use the hashtag #CSA.\xa0Child Abuse Hotlines\xa0can be found\xa0here.

International Abuse Hotlines

https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/child-helplines/child-helpline-network/

https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html

https://www.rainn.org/

https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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