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Published: July 30, 2021, 5 a.m.

Do you or someone you know apologize all the time? This can stem from several dynamics \u2013 if you\u2019re in an abusive relationship currently or there was trauma in your childhood where you\u2019ve grown up believing that the fault when relationships or events go sour is somehow all yours. There\u2019s also the presence of anxiety or more specifically OCD, or what\u2019s termed \u201cthe spotlight effect\u201d. We\u2019ll talk about all of these and more.

So we\u2019ll talk about how to catch yourself from that unnecessary \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d and change it into something that notices when things aren\u2019t quite right, but doesn\u2019t indicate a one-down position.

The listener voicemails for today share two distinct ways of thinking about aging. I wrote a post called \u201cTurning 58\u201d years ago now \u2013 and both of them had strong reactions. The fact that they both were sent to me in a short period of time was ironic \u2013 and it would be easy to label one \u201cGood\u201d and the other one \u201cbad.\u201d I\u2019d like us to listen instead with compassion and see what could help both.

So welcome to this episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp \u2013 and let\u2019s talk about over-apologizing and as always, what to do about it.

Importnat Links:

The spotlight effect research described.

Beverly Engel's book The Power of an Apology,

Therapist Sharon Martin's take on how to stop apologizing .

The Swaddle's take about where the power of apologizing lies... and why some apologize and others don't.

Forbes article on how over-apologizing can steal your self-confidence.

My blogpost on Turning 58.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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