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Published: June 4, 2021, 5 a.m.

In today's episode of SelfWork, we'll focus on toxic positivity and how it's very different from gratitude. I was motivated by an intriguing interview I heard on the podcast \u201cTerrible \u2013 Thanks for Asking\u201d with author and Harvard professor Susan David. She was talking about her own work with what she terms "emotional agility" - couching it in a story about her own father's death. An 8th grade teacher gave her permission to not judge any feeling, but honor it.\xa0 She now teaches that, "Being positive is a new form of moral correctness," and reminds us that, "Life\u2019s beauty is inseparable from its fragility." So today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll pull in the work of other experts, Dr. Shauna Springer, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and the authors of Buddha's Brain, Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. Finally, I\u2019ll give you my own common-sense and hopefully helpful analogy to fully understand the benefit of being competent to feel all feelings, regardless of their valence or positive or negative power.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says in his book Wherever You Go, There You Are, "We can easily become a prisoner of so-called positive thinking as of negative thinking. It too can be confining, fragmented, inaccurate, illusory, self-serving and wrong.\u201d So although positivity is something we definitely want to cultivate, it can morph into a rigid state of mind that can be hurtful to you, and to others.

Our listener email wasn\u2019t an email at all, but an Instagram message to me by a listener. She wanted to know, as a therapist still in training, what direction would I suggest so that she can evolve into her own most competent therapeutic role. What an honor to be asked! So perhaps if any of you are thinking of being therapists or are in training yourself, my answers will be helpful.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Susan David's TedTalk

Buddha\u2019s Brain Audiobook

Wherever You Go, There You Are\xa0 Audiobook

Emotional Agility by Susan David Audiobook

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions, long hidden away, that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there\u2019s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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