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Published: Oct. 16, 2020, 5 a.m.

People who are in crisis, whether it's mental, emotional or physical, usually report a very similar path to me.\xa0At first, everyone is there. Food and flowers are delivered after a death; people offer to take your kids if you\u2019re recovering from surgery, or you had a car wreck, or your home was damaged in a tornado. If your friends know you\u2019ve broken up with your significant other, you get texts and funny memes sent to you.

But what happens a few weeks after that? A silence usually descends. And you\u2019re left to cope on your own. When the loss or the struggle is chronic \u2013 when you're in for a long haul, the silence can be even more deafening.

So today in this episode sponsored by. BetterHelp, we\u2019re going to focus on how to listen. How to figure out the right thing to say. How to get tuned in.

Our listener email for today poses a very direct question about holding onto the past and not being able to work through grief and loss. Instead even years later, this listener feels overwhelmed by suddenly losing the life she\u2019d worked very hard to create and now can\u2019t seem to live in the present.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Emma-Marie Smith's article on what to say (and not say) when someone is depressed

Symptoms of complicated grief (Mayo Clinic)

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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