199 SelfWork (Second Time Around): Trauma Bonding - When Trust Is Manipulated and Destroyed

Published: Jan. 11, 2022, 6 a.m.

Here's our last Second Time Around until we're back in the saddle in a few days! And we're so looking forward to what's ahead in 2022!

What's a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name? Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly manipulated; when commitment and trying to make a relationship work is used against someone as a way to keep them in denial or disbelief that a relationship is harmful to them. I\u2019ve been there. I still have never revealed all that happened in that relationship; so much of it is now such clear abuse, I\u2019m flabbergasted I didn\u2019t see it for what it was. But I didn\u2019t. Until I did.

Our listener email for today is from someone who wants some answers about enmeshment and what she terms \u201ccovert narcissism\u201d \u2013 It sounds like she\u2019s the daughter and feels enmeshed or has been told perhaps she\u2019s enmeshed with him. It\u2019s very much like our topic so I thought it meshed well with the topic.

So please get comfortable and listen in to what may be a triggering episode for some of you - so listen carefully and protectively. And my gratitude to our sponsor today - BetterHelp!

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist provides an article on trauma bonding

A BBC article\xa0on Stockholm syndrome

An \xa0article in VeryWellMind.discusses features of covert narcissism

Wikipedia article on trauma bonds

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,\xa0SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.\xa0Subscribe\xa0to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you\u2019d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression\xa0has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it\u2019s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there\u2019s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You\u2019ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you\u2019re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I\u2019ll look forward to hearing from you!

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