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b'[Listen to Asha read this story]
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\\n(Told by an Ananda devotee)
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\\n\\u201cMaybe this book will be the one that finally convinces SRF that we need to work together,\\u201d Swamiji said. He was referring to his work-in-progress in February 1990, The Essence of Self-Realization, a collection of sayings by Master.
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\\nWhen Swamiji speaks of \\u201cSRF\\u201d in this way, I know he means the handful of direct disciples who lead the organization, the ones with whom he lived and worked closely when he was part of SRF, the very ones who later expelled him and have maintained toward him ever since an attitude of unrelieved hostility.
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\\nDespite this separation, Swamiji maintains a positive attitude toward them. They are his gurubhais \\u2013 his brothers and sisters in the Guru\\u2019s family. To respond with hostility, Swamiji feels, would be to betray not only his friendship for them, but also his relationship as a disciple to his Guru.
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\\n\\u201cI have a peculiar \\u2018quirk\\u2019 to my nature,\\u201d Swamiji says. \\u201cThe way I feel about others has never been influenced by the way they treat me. Once I give my loyalty, I never take it back. I may alter my behavior in response to what others do, but not my friendship.
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\\n\\u201cAs Master said, if you reach out your hand to someone and he keeps knocking it away, after a while you just put your hand in your pocket. That doesn\\u2019t mean, however, you have closed your heart.\\u201d
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\\nI know all this about Swamiji, so when he speaks in this optimistic way about SRF, I usually keep my doubts to myself. This time, however, I felt he had to be more realistic.
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\\n"I think the effect of this book on SRF will be to make matters worse,\\u201d I said to him. \\u201cThe more inspiring the book, the more unhappy they will be with you.\\u201d
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\\nVery quietly, and very seriously, Swamiji answered me. \\u201cI simply can\\u2019t afford to think that way.\\u201d Simple words, but spoken with such conviction. Clearly, the discussion was ended.
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\\nI was taken aback, embarrassed to realize that I\\u2019d been wrong to think him naive. His positive attitude is not based on present realities, but on his hope for the future. Swamiji has the same commitment to helping SRF that he has to helping Ananda.
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\\n\\u201cI choose to love,\\u201d Swamiji has often said.
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\\nThat day, I caught a glimpse of the will power, faith, and patient endurance it has taken for Swamiji to hold firmly to that decision.
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