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Four unlucky-in-love men have given up on American women and traveled half-way across the globe to Ukraine. 

Led by John (not just the president, but also a client), and Bob (tour director of the damned), they’ll attend a dance club that might actually be a Ukrainian baby shower, have a run in with a loan shark and corrupt law enforcement, introduce themselves to every woman in the room, and get engaged faster than you can say, “I’m not sure that’s the woman you’ve been emailing.”

In fact, one of these men will actually get married before the end of the documentary.

Will it be…

Travis, a farmer from a town in Wisconsin with far more cows than women

Eric, a man with an American flag hanging at the head of his bed and a gun closet the size of Texas

Bobby, an HR guy with a heart of gold and a very deep desire to believe, OR

Ron, a silver fox with surprisingly wholesome goals but zero game

We’re vaguely defining the word “date,” witnessing the results of what happens when your culture says you should be married at 18 years of age, and pondering how all this worked before the age of the internet, but all of that is just foreplay for the most horrific kiss we’ve ever seen on film.

We're suffering through and reporting back on Love Me, available to stream on Amazon Prime.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album