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We're celebrating Valentine's Day the old fashioned way - with our squared off members and three classic shorts on syphilis! 

Thrill as Don and Betty (DRAPER?!) deal with the fallout from their premarital transgressions - guilt, confusion, frustration, disease, and high school hallway awkwardness all set to the disconcerting sounds of what Amazon describes as "pensive jazz music."

Then meet Tony, the long-lost third Super Mario Brother, who plays accordion while his stillborn child is born. (That might sound like a reference to Nero, but it's not.)

Finally, a pilot pulled from duty due to catching "a germ" serves as a not-so-subtle introduction to the idea that Scandinavians think Americans are a bunch of superstitious idiots. (But hey that was 70 years ago! Bet they don't think that anymore, right? Right??? ... Well, shoot.) 

We're suffering through and reporting back on Classic STD Films, available to stream on for free for Amazon Prime members.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album