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We came to bury Tim Tebow, not to praise him. And yet... we find ourselves not quite able to hate the guy, or at least not the version of him presented here by ESPN, who had the balls to refer to Tim Tebow as "The Chosen One."

Speaking of balls, "Who is Tim Tebow?" this documentary half-heartedly asks. And then it sheepishly answers, "Well, he likes football, filling out workbooks with his mom, orphans in the Philippines, and, his, er testi[muffled sound]" Wait. What was that last bit, ESPN? "Sigh. His testicles. He's very vocal about the size of his testicles."  

Journey with us to a time before the questionable baseball career. Before the failed football career. Before "Tebowing" was a verb. Before all of that, to a time when a simple homeschooled highschooler in Florida just wanted to play football and scream really, really loudly about his big nuts.

We're suffering through and reporting back on Tim Tebow: The Chosen One, available to stream for free on YouTube.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album