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You Have Got to Be Kidney\\u2019n Me

Katrina Clayton has had a variety of different jobs, and while it seems natural for a native Southern Californian to have actress and waitress listed on her bio, she also has some \\u2018not so common\\u2019 positions like working for Mattel as the Honorary Brunette, Glitter Beach Barbie and Organ Model for an ultrasound company. Her job as a kidney model was the easiest and best-paying job she has had to date. Though she has great veins, she\\u2019s not vain.\\xa0

Katrina is currently the co-host of Bouncing Back Radio, a podcast she does with her partner Bonnie and describes as an eclectic mix of healthy living and being mindful without holding anything back. Her favorite episode is The Power to Forgive and Reconcile. Forgiveness is a process that goes much deeper than many people think.

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Carrying the Secret Becomes Destructive

The story Katrina shares with us today isn\\u2019t a story she has told anyone outside of her group of trusted friends. She has agreed to talk about it with us because she believes this platform is something she would have benefited from as she was going through her journey of living with molestation.

When she was a child Katrina spent a lot of time at her Grandmother\\u2019s house. This time was marred by the fact that her uncle had been molesting her since as far back as she can remember. In order to protect her from the pain, her brain blocked the molestation from her consciousness until frightening flashbacks started surfacing at the age of 12 or 13. As she started to remember the trauma, she was continually sorrowful and would spend her school lunches crying in her mother\\u2019s arms. When she finally confided in one of her best friends she started an emotional ball rolling, which could not be stopped. Her friend told her mother, her mother then told her mentally ill father who already knew, but you must listen to Katrina tell her own story in the podcast.\\xa0

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Betrayal

Katrina realizes now that there is no handbook for a mother dealing with this type of situation but her mother\\u2019s reaction at the time - \\u201cyou should have told me\\u201d - felt sneaky and condemning to a teenager who was trying to deal with this at the tender age of 15.\\xa0

Eventually, a social worker was brought in. There was a lot of hurt.

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It Haunted Me for a Long Time

\\u201cI let the molestation own me for a very long time. It haunted me and it followed me into relationships. Like a ghost that was always there.\\u201d Katrina says.

Even though she carried the weight, Katrina never wanted a pity party. She never wanted people to think of her as \\u201cthat poor girl\\u201d. She chose toxic people to have relationships with and felt unworthy and unprotected because of the low self-esteem brought on by the traumatic experience.

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The Big Revelation

Katrina realized that everyone is broken and damaged in some way and that she was needlessly isolating herself. At 30, after countless therapists tried to help her to let go, the answer she needed finally came from within her. She chose to regain her life. She says she still mourns for her lost innocence but she is able to box up that period of her life and only open it up when SHE needs to revisit it.

Her advice to women who are feeling lonely or depressed is \\u201cDon\\u2019t isolate yourself, just get your bootay out the door\\u201d. Try the Meetup app for your phone and if you are in California get in touch with Girls with Goals. She says \\u201cNo matter what has gone on in your life you are going to be OK. It may not feel like it right now but you will be OK.\\u201d

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You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

Molestation is rampant with both males and females. It is an incurable mental sickness. If you know of someone who needs to hear this podcast, please share it. If you need to talk to someone safely and privately, email me at ann@annpeck.com. No one else has access to this account. The more support we all have and can give the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group.