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b'The Linguistic Rapture; by LaTim ElHaye and Leeeerooooy Ji\\u014bkins; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. \\u2014 We have been watching with interest the ongoing debate in Speculative Grammarian over the so-called \\u201cultimate truth\\u201d of cosmolinguology. The arguments for and against the various linguistic bangs, crunches, rips, freezes, and bounces have been fascinating, but all are ultimately hollow and meaningless because they are made by theolinguistically uniformed physicolinguists. Even an amoral neo-Chomskyite lexicalist Bloduweddan knows that only theolinguistically-motivated accounts, such as wrathful dispersion, are even possibly relevant in discussions of the true fate of the linguoverse. (Read by Trey Jones.)'