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A record quarter, a new stock market high, and a historical milestone for Apple and the US -- and that's just for starters, cadets! Mike and Charles dig into the interesting bits of Apple's just-renewed license to print money, make fun of the pundits for being predictably wrong once again, shrug at the Samsung Galaxy S9 and S4 Tab, and ponder once again what is going on with Intel. Also covered is the Newton's 25th anniversary (what?!), Huawei's great quarter, CVS surrendering to Apple Pay, the not-so-strange drop in Mac sales, the Apple Watch as sales hero and literal life-saver, Chase's cardless ATMs (that also use Apple Pay), squee over the forthcoming Time Bandits Apple television series, and put out the call to help the Red Cross fight California's raging wildfires. All this and co-captain Mike mansplained stuff to The New Screen Savers, cadets, so move away from the starboard side -- we're going hard LaPorte!