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Having recently schooled a New York Times columnist, Mike quickly shows off his scrappy side again, calling out Consumer Reports for their odd change of procedure for their HomePod "review" that's not a review at all, but it *is* another addition to the long history of dodgy Apple product testing the magazine has racked up over the years, and it turns out they're a *wee bit sensitive* about it. Schoolings will also be handed out to various Apple-covering pundits that got it wrong, Andy Rubin and the not-so-Essential phone, Samsung, Huawei, the US government, and even Bill Gates on this new episode. In addition, Mike and Charles correct the record on how amazingly well Apple's wearables, iPad, and services businesses are doing, the inevitable cloning of Apple's innovative Animoji, a fix coming for the Indian-character messaging bug, how iCloud helped fight another sort of Russian threat, and some good news for cable TV cord-cutters. Finally, Mike puts on his chief engineer hat to take a look at three new hardware accessories of interest, and of course there's lots more tidbits and chuckles over the course of our 57-minute mission. Ready the javelins, cadets, co-captain Mike is ready to rain some pain down on all those deserving swift justice from orbit!