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Linkin Park was right when they asked the Transformers franchise to "give me reason" because lemme tell ya, there was none. That's right: the boys are on the SAME PAGE for once, as we EVISCERATE these military propaganda, Megan-Fox-diminishing, dumpster fires of movies. And we didn't even cover Mark Wahlberg's entries. We're closing out our second season before a long summer break with a truly abysmal watch and hilarious takes on the time capsules that are the Transformers movies (and honestly it's not extreme to think that 2007-2009 deserved better). Join us for convoluted plots that don't hold up to film theory; rejoice in the redemption of Megan Fox from the jaws of Michael Bay; elate as your Independence Day is ripped from the jaws of pro-war conservatives as we hand the movie's ass back to them like Optimus Prime does in the last two minutes of the second movie. Fuck Mudflap, fuck Skids, and fuck Wheelie, even though the last two are voiced by Spongebob. These are five hours we’ll never get back, and we're just so tired.

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