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Welcome to episode #8! In this week's podcast, Braden chats with a special guest - his wife, Kristen! They share about the journey of healing they went on in getting porn out of their marriage and what it's like now to be totally free from porn.

Here is a brief summary of the episode.

Getting porn out of our marriage began with a false start

Early in our marriage, we had no concept of how to get porn out of our lives. Misunderstanding and confusion informed our process, so we had to gain some understanding about what to do and the pathway to healing. Part of our confusion came from the misconception that marriage would solve the problem. When it didn't, we were at a loss in terms of what to do.  Learning about what not to do (trial by error), while not ideal, was part of our journey that led to a better plan and for us getting on the same page. 

Telling the truth and getting on the same page
I (Braden) had to fully disclose my addiction to Kristen. Staying hidden will never lead to healing and freedom, so the uncomfortable and painful part of telling her was the starting point. Once the truth was told, it took us a long time to get on the same page as far as understanding the game plan to get porn out of our marriage and to get healing. Part of that was understanding that I needed real accountability. One of the big misconceptions that can happen between a husband and a wife (or vise versa), is that the spouse tries to be the day to day accountability partner for the one struggling with porn. This is not recommended. An accountability partner needs to be able to help in setting up a game plan for freedom. A spouse who is demoralized and hurt by an instance of porn use cannot do that. Studies have shown that wives who try and do that for their husbands can end up with PTSD. Not only that, but it changes the nature of the marital relationship to something akin to a cop policing the relationship. Accountability needs to be from someone who understands the battle and is not emotionally invested like a spouse. However, both husband and wife need to be in agreement about what and who the accountability is. This is part of the process of getting on the same page, including being in agreement about the protection that is placed on the devices, and the healing community that they are engaged in as a couple. 

Establishing trust and choosing forgiveness

Being on the same page establishes trust and combats suspicion and second-guessing. This is important because when porn is in your marriage, trust has been broken and the feeling of betrayal is very real. Along with that, forgiveness is a choice that needs to be sought after and granted. This is difficult, but it requires supernatural help in the form of leaning into Jesus. Individually and together, establishing Jesus as the central relationship in your lives is the true foundation to not only get porn out of your marriage but to grow together!

Freedom is amazing!!!
God wants you to have a purpose and a vision for your marriage. Porn often is a loss of purpose and hi-jacking of your intimacy. When porn is out of your marriage, the deepening of your intimacy together is sweet and it opens you up to see God at work not only in your marriage but towards others as well.

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Next week, Braden and Matt interview FamilyLife staff Al and Val. They share their amazing story about how they came from the brink of ending their marriage because of porn but instead started on a healing journey together to get porn out of their lives.

Resources
Fight 4 Love Ministries: A biblical plan to get porn out of your marriage
Article on FamilyLife Canada: Getting porn out of your life and marriage
FamilyLife Canada:  Resources and events to strengthen your marriage
Online Course (The Restored Boot Camp)
Pure Freedom Personal Coaching starting at just $37/month
Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free

Podcast Hosts
BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 12 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guy, David, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honored to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.

WHAT IS PURE VICTORY PODCAST?

Faith-based inspiration to win at sex, conquer porn and find purpose in staying free forever.