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Welcome to episode #178! This week, Matt and Braden talk with John and Lucas Fort from Be Broken Ministries about talking to your kids about porn.

Create an environment where there is safety and care for children to talk

You want to have a punish free zone so that there is a safety to open up. There is fear on both sides when opening up about feelings and making sure that the children won\\u2019t feel like the parents are mad. There can still be barriers to help recovery, but to not have it as a punishment. Discipline doesn\\u2019t mean punishment. A way to start off and help your kids to be open, is to be open yourself and show that level of vulnerability.\\xa0

Setting up Accountability or \\u201cMan Meetings\\u201d\\xa0

Figure out what works for you. Set a day/time, and something that will keep the situation comfortable. Does it ease the tension to be side by side and doing something? Or maybe you\\u2019d prefer to sit across from each other at a table over a coffee?\\xa0

Understand that when kids start looking at porn - its out of curiosity and/or it gives a buzz. It gets dangerous when it becomes the go-to way to deal with feelings, that\'s when it becomes a habit. Identify what emotions that you get that leads to it. Realize that at the beginning, you won\\u2019t know the trigger feeling or core emotion feeling until there is a mess up. \\xa0

It\\u2019s important to be vulnerable with your children

A way to start off and help your kids to be open, is to be open yourself and show that level of vulnerability. The parent might do most of the talking at the beginning until the child is ready to open up. Having the parent start it off and be consistent with meeting, opening up and sharing feelings then they can begin to encourage their kid if they have anything to share. It starts with feelings. You don\\u2019t need to always talk about sex, just learn to discuss your feelings. There are different ways you can discuss triggers and feelings. You can be formal about writing out triggers and plans; you can write back and forth in a journal with minimal talking at first or maybe it never is a formal meeting but it\'s the parents responsibility to go do something together and initiate to talk about it. A big fear or worry of parents is wondering if their children will lose respect for them or find out about their past. The only time respect is lost, is when the parent isn\\u2019t doing anything to get better. It often ends in more respect when they see how their parents have done something about their past and are getting better.\\xa0

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Resources

Pure Freedom Community for men 18+

Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

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Course for marriages

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

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Be Broken Ministries
Father-Son Accountability: Integrity Through Relationship
Father-Son Connect

Podcast Hosts

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.