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Ive never met a person who at some point in their lives hasn’t feared loneliness. It kept me in a relationship that had long reached its expiry date. For a long time I believed that in order to get over my fear of being alone, I had to get really good at turning inward and being by myself. I believed that in order to not let the fear of loneliness hold me captive, I had to become content with my own company. 
 
 

While this is true, it is not the only answer. 

Here is what I realised. What we focus on, grows. The more attention we give something, the more it is magnified. When we fear something, we are giving it power. Even as we make attempts to move away from a fear, we are affirming its power over us. If we are in fact afraid of feeling lonely – its counter intuitive that the answer would be to spend more time alone. 
 
 I have a different perspective. I found a different way to release myself from the fear of loneliness. 
 
 Taking full accountability for how my actions have lead me to ever feeling loneliness in the first place. Loneliness doesn’t just hunt us down and capture us. We actively choose to move towards it. That’s often a hard truth to accept. We are always the problem and the solution. 
 
 At that time I felt trapped in a relationship that lacked connection and intimacy. I never clearly and articulately expressed this to my partner. I didn’t seek professional help to support me in finding the words I needed to express my truth. Rather than ask friends to share some energy with me and help me find moments of joy, I simply chose to pull away from those relationships because I felt I had nothing to offer. I ended up suffering in silence. That was my choice. That was my invitation for loneliness to find me. 
 
 Luckily, the universe spared me – and helped me learn quickly. Long story short, I fled my situation. I got on a plane and flew to my favourite, sun drenched corner of the world. An island that gifted me with salt water, coconuts and random connections that changed me forever. 

I was angry at the world, disconnected from myself and lost. The thing about random corners of the world is that they are more often than not filled misfits from other corners of the world. There was an unspoken understanding between everyone I met that we were all escaping something, someone, some place – and that we had come to this island for respite. I kept to myself, offering polite smiles when I had to. Those polite smiles were taken as invitations for connection – and hand on heart, every person I met over the next few weeks has been one of the biggest teachers in my life. It sounds ridiculous, but the universe gifted me with crazy gurus. People that I could see myself in & that reflected parts of myself that I had forgotten I had within me. 
 
 As I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to share my truth, speak the words on my heart and allow others to listen, empathise and give me support – I realised that loneliness was a choice and somehow I had decided to choose the opposite. Connection. Vulnerability. Community. 
 
 What I learned was that we not only get what we give, we get what we are open to receiving. The friendships forged during that time are rock solid. Even when we all went back to our original corners of the world – the bonds made have never been broken. We check in with each other, we reach out and celebrate the happy times and instantly offer support during hard times. 
 
 I have had countless messages since this pandemic rocked our world from those very friends that saw me come to terms with a new normal just a few years ago. We are reassuring each other – we adapted to a new normal before, we can do this again, you are not alone. 
 
 So friend, if you are feeli

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