Broadcasts.com - "Workplace Relationships" (Life is Work)

RESULT: To address how and why the term “relationships” in the workplace can be culturally complicated, explore male/female friendships, and the role of relationships in the workplace, esp. considering boundaries.
Dannecdote
- The “problem” with banter
  - Related: struggle to title this very episode “relationships” because of that word’s constant association with a /romantic/ relationship
- Conscious decision to not make friends at work anymore

Protein - Main Event - Topic d’jour

Often associated with romantic relationships
- Wider culture constantly emphasizes that the most meaningful and important relationship you can have is with a romantic partner
- Therefore there is always a suspicion/assumption that any friendly interaction between people has an ultimate romantic goal, particularly male and female in our heteronormatic culture
- Stigma for male/female friendships because of this
A word about Me Too in the workplace
- Because of this culture norm/stigma of male/female friendships, men express confusion about what they are “allowed” to do
  - This sounds extremely dumb to women, do not show us or tell us things we do not consent to seems p easy
  - Men are steeped in this patriarchal culture too - that women are objects to be sought after
  - Liz Plank breaks this down in her book, but overall:
    - Don’t do or say anything to women that you would not also do or say to a man
Friendships (what we are really talking about!)
- Being our full selves gives us access to richer relationships in every aspect of our life
- Sometimes this feels complicated at work because of power dynamics
- Choose boundaries that work well for you that:
  - Honor who you are
  - Make you feel most comfortable
- Adaptive and can look different to different people, but it’s important that they are authentic and grounded in respect for yourself and those around you
Friendships & Power Dynamics
- You may find that a friend you make at work prioritizes their power and influence in the workplace over your friendship (see dan’s anecdote)
  - Doesn’t mean all friendships are bad
  - Doesn’t mean you can’t trust anyone ever again
  - It’s information you have about the other person
    - Remember NVC - everything anyone says or does is related to their own met and unmet needs!
    - Use that information to inform your boundaries with that particular person
- If you are the friend who has the power in the relationship
  - Establish your own boundaries about what you can share/not share
  - If you cannot share information, be transparent about the fact that you can’t share it for xyz reason
  - Be consistently mindful of the power you have and intentional about using that power to benefit the wider team, not just your closest friends
    - Be conscious of your values!
- Wider Perception of power dynamic relationships
  - Do not use your friendship to exclude others
    - Doesn’t mean everyone has to come to lunch with you all the time, it means that you continue to do good work and interact positively with everyone even if you have others in the office that you are closer to
    - Often the negative perceptions of ppl in power with close friendships at work comes from the scarcity mindset
      - Workplace where the CEO was the maid of honor in one of her employee’s weddings (v traditional hierarchy org)
      - Felt weird to everyone because there was already a lack of transparency issue in the organization, jealousy because the need for support and safety was constantly not being met for others
Mel’s Mindful Minute: 32:54
- Compliments
We Are Always Students
- For the Love of Men by Liz Plank
- Brooklyn 99 - NBC
Sharing is Self-Caring
- Self-care
  - What do you need from your coworkers?
  - What boundaries meet your needs for connection and respect?
- Community-care
  - How do your current work relationships impact your wider team?
  - Are friendships supported and encouraged, or is there a negative stigma attached to workplace relationships?
- Systems-care
  - How does your organizational structure and culture encourage or discourage workplace relationships?
Reach Out!
- lifeisworkpod.com
  - Find questions submission link
- Insta & Twitter - @ lifeisworkpod
- info@palanteconsulting.com