The Goonies

Published: Feb. 28, 2021, 5:55 p.m.

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Ahoy, Motherfuckers!

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A bonafide classic is what this is. The first true Adventure film for children. The Goonies was our Indiana Jones. The journey they took and the things that they experienced are staples of our childhood. I don\'t know anyone who didn\'t want to be a Goonie. We all wanted to ride the waterslide and face the dangers and see a magnificent pirate ship. We all wanted to solve puzzles and have fun and hang out and kiss the girls.
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\\nBut what we ain\'t gonna do is act like Data didn\'t get treated like garbage, or that Chunk wasn\'t the truest reason why this plan worked in the first place. What we ain\'t gonna do is act as if Mikey did something in this movie, when in all honesty he just guilted other people into doing stuff they didn\'t want to do and then reaped the benefits. And what we ain\'t gonna do is act as if Mrs. Walsh didn\'t kidnap Rosalita. If she didn\'t speak Spanish, and Rosalita spoke zero English, then how did Mrs. Walsh convince Rosalita to come to her home?
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\\nAlso, Sloth doesn\'t look like that in real life. His family did him hella dirty. 

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Enjoy. 

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