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In this episode of the Hearts Entwined Podcast, Lyn talks to Carolann DeSelms, a certified DreamBuilder Coach and Life Mastery Consultant, to talk about how to know, deal with and overcome toxic relationships. They discuss the effects of substance abuse in relationships, the importance of forgiveness and gratitude, the many ways of living a happy life, and much much more... We invest so much in our relationships that leaving one doesn’t even cross our minds even if it’s not healthy, fulfilling or beneficial for both sides anymore. Know what’s best for your own self care and well-being. If you think staying with the person you love is going to be harmful to your health and well-being, then there are things that need to change. It’s time to get out of that toxic relationship! It’s a priority to recognise the need to love yourself first as a way to improve and develop healthy future relationships. Start listening in and join the discussion. KEY TAKEAWAYS Don’t beat yourself up because your relationship failed. You may not have had the awareness, all the resources and information you need to take the necessary action. You don’t know what you don’t know. Just understand you're not alone and that deep within, you know you're worth more. You can choose to either stay stuck and be resentful and angry or you can let go, move on and be healthy and happy. A person’s substance abuse can quite often lead to a toxic relationship. The addiction starts to negatively impact the relationship and impede its growth. It can be difficult to see at what stage this comes into play. Seeking professional help is highly encouraged if the relationship is to have any chance to heal, become healthy and thrive. It’s not your responsibility to 'fix' the other person. You can’t force them to do something, they have to want to do it for themselves. Once you've left a toxic relationship remember that forgiveness for them (not their behaviours) & forgiveness for yourself and gratitude are two things that can help you heal, move on and progress. Forgiveness is not about making terrible words or actions acceptable; It’s all about freeing and helping yourself. If you let your negative emotions about a situation go, you are instantly liberated and in a healthier place (they will no longer have any power over you) which makes it easier to move on. ‘You could be right.’ or ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ These are some suggestions that are better responses, that we can use to defuse a tense or potential conflict situation.  In future you can decide to stay away from toxic people but you have to keep in mind that no matter how people treat you, you can always choose to show compassion and kindness, to rise up, develop and grow. BEST MOMENTS “You can’t run someone else’s life. Manipulation is never a good thing to do.” “Don’t get mad. Don’t get sad. Instead be curious.” "Give them the dignity to do what they need to do for themselves. You don’t have to condone behaviour that is unkind or hurtful.” “We don’t have to be products of our past.” “Sometimes, we terrify ourselves with our imagination.” “Bad behaviour is not okay, but forgive the individual. The individual is not bad, it’s what they did that's bad.” “If you want to live a happy life, don’t make other people unhappy.” ABOUT THE GUEST Carolann DeSelms, Ph. D.   Certified Life Mastery Consultant and Dreambuilder Coach through the Life Mastery Institute, the premier transformational life coach training program founded by Mary Morrissey.   As a Certified Dream Builder Coach, Carolann can help you design and manifest a life that’s in harmony with your Soul’s purpose. For over two years, Carolann has worked especially with women who have left toxic relationships, helping them build their dreams, accelerate their results, and create richer, more fulfilling lives.  Carolann is professor emerita of Modern Languages from Marymount California University, where she taught American University success classes and Academic English to international students, helping them fulfil their dreams of being successful citizens of the world. As an international educator for over forty years, Carolann also worked with refugees and immigrants to the United States, helping them overcome fear and confusion and become comfortable and successful in a new culture.  As an Academic Advisor and Study Abroad Advisor, Carolann helped students from all walks of life succeed in transformational experiences here and around the world.  Since starting her work with Mary Morrissey and the Life Mastery Institute, Carolann is a sought-after life coach and professional speaker, offering inspiring workshops and transformational in-depth coaching programs that help clients achieve new heights of success, meaning, and spiritual aliveness. Official Website - carolanndeselms.lifemasteryconsultant.com VALUABLE RESOURCES Hearts Entwined Podcast -Apple Podcasts (iTunes) -Spotify -Stitcher   ABOUT THE HOST Lyn Smith – (The Queen of HEARTS) – Love, Dating & Relationship Expert   Lyn’s personal story is a very inspirational and harrowing one of how she went from having unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships with men (on the back of several serious traumatic sexual assaults in her teens) to now being in a soul fulfilling relationship which makes her feel alive, is full of passion and gives her inner peace. She has a proven track record as a Love Solutions - Relationship Expert / Trainer / Inspirational Speaker and Best-Selling Author based upon her own vast personal research, experiential learning and training with the world’s leading industry experts. Understanding the polarisation of masculine & feminine energy resulted in her creating massive attraction and a passionate, intimate, fulfilling relationship – that inspired her to design & present her own course programmes to share these break-through relationship techniques with women across the globe. HEARTS Entwined is a world-class service based on care and understanding, which is committed to providing step-by-step high-value love, dating and relationship solutions. Lyn makes a difference by helping you make a difference; she has a vision of contributing back on a global scale – to create a lasting legacy of safety, dignity and opportunity for children and women who have survived rape, abuse and severe trauma as a result of war crimes and sex trafficking – through the setting up of worldwide – ‘you can heal your life’ centres.   CONTACT METHOD   Email Lyn at lyn@hearts-entwined.com.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.