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Lyn talks with Stevi Ross who has been working in the area of sexuality, relationship counselling, family crisis, intimacy and other related subjects for many years. However Stevi’s interest in these subjects did not stem from her academic qualifications, but from her own life experiences.  These experiences gave Stevi a rare insight into the world of sexuality, intimacy and relationships which have allowed her to view these subjects from different perspectives. In today's episode Lyn discusses with Stevi the importance of boundaries, how to attune ourselves to the messages coming from our bodies and the responsibility we all have when it comes to the role we play in the quality of the relationships we attract / create. KEY TAKEAWAYS Through counselling later in life, Stevie came to realise that her first sexual experience, an event which cost her her virginity, was actually an act of rape. The consequences of this were traumatic and resonant. Women need to set boundaries, stick to them and trust those boundaries. The truth is, that when we have boundaries, we create a safe and secure place for ourselves. Paying attention to our body’s needs in the moment is essential. Always be aware of the body’s decisions, as sometimes they may, even subliminally, be making decisions for us on a purely chemical level. There are four quadrants / roles in each relationship, and in any interaction with someone, one of the following dynamics are always playing out: A giver A receiver An allower A taker If you haven’t been respected, or your boundaries have been violated in the past, intimacy work is the best place to start because it teaches you to connect with yourself first. When we know someone’s preferences in food, we can prepare a marvellous meal for them. When we have full knowledge of someone’s boundaries, we can enhance, greatly our relationship with them. So often men and women miss out on fulfilling sexual relationships by not effectively communicating with each other. We need to work towards creating a safe environment of exploration with each other, because by being completely open, we can often discover that our desires align. BEST MOMENTS ’Sometimes men don't know what is and isn’t appropriate’ ‘It’s about tuning into your body’ ‘It’s not really allowing unless it’s done with an open heart’ ‘In an autopsy you won’t find a mind. You’ll find a brain’ ‘If you don’t have this information, how can you get it right?' VALUABLE RESOURCES Hearts Entwined Podcast -Apple Podcasts (iTunes) -Spotify -Stitcher   ABOUT THE GUEST Whilst Stevi has a list of professional and academic qualifications, she feels it was being the youngest of a dysfunctional family that gave her a first-hand, heartfelt experience of how relationships work and don't work, including the avoidable devastation of separation and heartbreak. Stevi draws upon thirty years of experience working with individuals, couples and poly relationships to bring a rich and workable wisdom including psychosexual tantric spiritual and mindfulness approaches. email:  roskinslodge@gmail.com phone:  +44 776 427 0868 ABOUT THE HOST Lyn Smith – (The Queen of HEARTS) – Love, Dating & Relationship Expert   Lyn’s personal story is a very inspirational and harrowing one of how she went from having unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships with men (on the back of several serious traumatic sexual assaults in her teens) to now being in a soul fulfilling relationship which makes her feel alive, is full of passion and gives her inner peace.  She has a proven track record as a Love Solutions - Relationship Expert / Trainer / Inspirational Speaker and Best-Selling Author based upon her own vast personal research, experiential learning and training with the world’s leading industry experts. Understanding the polarisation of masculine & feminine energy resulted in her creating massive attraction and a passionate, intimate, fulfilling relationship – that inspired her to design & present her own course programmes to share these break-through relationship techniques with women across the globe.  HEARTS Entwined is a world-class service based on care and understanding, which is committed to providing step-by-step high-value love, dating and relationship solutions.  Lyn makes a difference by helping you make a difference; she has a vision of contributing back on a global scale – to create a lasting legacy of safety, dignity and opportunity for children and women who have survived rape, abuse and severe trauma as a result of war crimes and sex trafficking – through the setting up of worldwide – ‘you can heal your life’ centres.   CONTACT METHOD lyn@hearts-entwined.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.