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When we go about our day, we tell ourselves a story about what\\u2019s happening \\u2026 and at the center of that narrative is a single person.

Ourselves.

When I talk to myself about how so-and-so is inconsiderate or treated me badly, when I tell myself that it\\u2019s OK to procrastinate because I\\u2019m tired and not in the mood \\u2026 I\\u2019m at the center of this movie. It\\u2019s an ongoing story about my life and everything around me, with me at the center.

I\\u2019m sure you can relate \\u2014 you\\u2019re at the center of your movie as well. It\\u2019s natural, and there\\u2019s nothing wrong with doing this.

But some difficulties can arise from this self-centered view of the world:

We interpret other people\\u2019s actions as it relates to us, so that they are helping or harming us \\u2026 giving us what we want or getting in the way of what we want. But their actions aren\\u2019t really about us \\u2014 their actions are about them, because they are at the center of their own stories. When we interpret their self-centered actions through the lens of our self-centered view, the actions often make no sense, and frustrate, hurt or infuriate us.
When someone makes a comment that we take as an attack on something about ourselves \\u2026 we then feel the need to defend ourselves. \\u201cI\\u2019m a good person,\\u201d we think, \\u201cand they shouldn\\u2019t imply that I\\u2019m not.\\u201d But this interpretation is just a self-centered way of looking at it \\u2026 we could also see it as saying something about the other person. And if we try to understand where they\\u2019re coming from, instead of seeing what it says about us, then we\\u2019ll be less defensive or offended.
We interpret everything else around us \\u2014 from bad traffic to Internet comments to terrorist attacks \\u2014 by thinking about how it affects us. \\u201cThis sucks (for me),\\u201d we think. But we could also remove ourselves from this story and just see that there are things happening in the world, and be curious about them, try to understand them, and see that they are not about us.
Again, it\\u2019s natural and normal to interpret everything this way \\u2026 but you can see that it can cause problems, inhibit understanding and empathy, and make us unhappy at times.

So what can we do?

First, become aware of the stories we tell ourselves.

Next, see that we are putting ourselves at the center.

Then see if we can remove ourselves from the center of the story.

What would the story be without us in it? For me, that story becomes something like:

Things are happening \\u2014 how interesting! What can be learned from them? What can be understood?
Someone else is doing something or talking, and it\\u2019s probably about them. How can I understand them better?
There is difficulty and unhappiness in what other people are saying and doing. How can I feel compassion for them and offer them love?
When I remember to do this \\u2014 and I very, very often don\\u2019t \\u2014 it lifts the difficulty that I\\u2019ve been facing internally and shift my focus to understanding and empathizing with other people, seeing how I can give them compassion.

Of course, I\\u2019m not really removed from the story. I\\u2019m still there, but just not necessarily at the center of it. Instead, I focus more on my interconnectedness with everyone else, everything else, and see that they have supported me in becoming the person I am, and that I can support them as well.'