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Published: Jan. 15, 2018, 10:30 p.m.

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For Haseeb\'s first software developer job, he was able to negotiate a total compensation package of US $250,000 for his first year at Airbnb. He believes negotiation is a skill that can be learned, just like any other. And it isn\'t particularly elusive or hard to understand. In this episode, he explains how anyone can negotiate effectively.

Written and Read by Haseeb Qureshi:\\xa0https://twitter.com/hosseeb

Haseeb\'s original article:\\xa0https://fcc.im/2mBOOea

Learn to code for free at: https://www.freecodecamp.org

Intro music by Vangough: https://fcc.im/2APOG02

Transcript:\\xa0

So you\\u2019ve maneuvered through the initial offer conversation. You\\u2019ve lined up counteroffers from other companies. Now it\\u2019s time to enter the actual negotiation.

Naturally, this is the part where everything goes horribly wrong.

But don\\u2019t worry. I\\u2019m going to turn you into a superhero negotiator. (Or at least an eccentric billionaire negotiator, which is sometimes better?)

Seriously though. In this article, we\\u2019re going to deep-dive into the negotiating process, and discuss my final 4 rules on how to negotiate a job offer.

If you didn\\u2019t read my first 6 rules, you can read them here (or you can just skip \\u2019em and keep reading):

Ten Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer

When the story of how I landed a job at Airbnb went viral, I was surprised at how infatuated people were with my\\u2026

What does it take to be a good negotiator?

Most people think negotiating well is just looking the other person in the eye, appearing confident, and asking for tons of money. But being a good negotiator is a lot more subtle than that.

What Good Negotiators Sound Like

You probably have a friend or family member who\\u2019s infamous for refusing to take no for an answer. The kind of person who will march into a department store and bullheadedly argue with the management until they get a purchase refunded.

This person seems like they often get what they want. They make you cringe, but perhaps you should try to be more like them.

Rest assured, this person is actually a terrible negotiator. They\\u2019re good at being difficult and causing a scene, which can sometimes convince a waitress or shift manager to appease them. But this style of negotiating will get you nowhere when negotiating with a business partner (that is, an employer).

A good negotiator is empathetic and collaborative. They don\\u2019t try to control you or issue ultimatums. Rather, they try to think creatively about how to fulfill both your and their needs.

So when you think of negotiating a job offer, don\\u2019t imagine haggling over a used car. Think more like negotiating dinner plans with a group of friends, and you\\u2019ll fare much better.

Slicing up the cake

Another important difference between good and bad negotiators is that bad negotiators tend to think of a negotiation as a zero-sum game.

Imagine we\\u2019re negotiating over a cake. In a zero-sum negotiation if I get one more slice, you get one less. Any gain I make comes at your expense.

This seems obviously true with cake, right? So what makes a job negotiation any different?

Ah, but it\\u2019s not actually true for cake. What if I hate corner pieces and you love them? What if I really like the cherries? What if I\\u2019m full and you\\u2019re starving, but you\\u2019ll agree to treat me to my favorite cake next time?

Of course, when I posed the question I didn\\u2019t mention anything about cherries or my feelings on corner pieces. It might seem like I just made stuff up.

But this is exactly what good negotiators do. They bend the rules. They question assumptions and ask unexpected questions. They dig to find the core what everyone values and look for creative ways to widen the terrain of negotiation.

While you were thinking about how to haggle over slices, I\\u2019m thinking about how to give both of us more than just half of a cake.

Different parties in a negotiation almost always have different value functions. We may value the same things\\u200a\\u2014\\u200awe both care about cake, after all. But we don\\u2019t value them in exactly the same way, so there\\u2019s probably a way to give each of us more of what we want.

Most people go into a job negotiation thinking they need to stubbornly haggle over salary like slices of cake. They don\\u2019t ever stop to ask\\u200a\\u2014\\u200ahey, what do I actually value? Why do I value it? What does the company value? Why do they value that?

There are many dimensions to a job negotiation:

- salary
- signing bonuses
- stock
- year-end or performance bonuses
- commuter benefits
- relocation expenses
- equipment
- an educational stipend
- a childcare stipend
- extra vacation time
- a later start date
- getting a dedicated hour a day to work out or study or meditate or play solitaire.

You could choose which team you\\u2019re assigned to, what your first project will be, what technologies you\\u2019ll be working with, and sometimes even choose your title.

Maybe you\\u2019re a frosting person, and the company is more into cherries. You never know if you don\\u2019t ask.

Hold onto this mindset.

Okay.

Let\\u2019s pick up the negotiation where we left off. All the offers are in, and recruiters are eagerly waiting for you to get the ball rolling.

Let\\u2019s start negotiating.

Phone VS Email

Your first decision is whether you want to negotiate over the phone, or keep correspondence over e-mail.

Talking on the phone not only signals confidence, but more importantly, it allows you to build a strong relationship with your recruiter.

Talking on the phone enables bantering, telling jokes, and building connection. You want your recruiter to like you, understand you, empathize with you. You want them to want you to succeed. Likewise, you want to care about your recruiter and understand what\\u2019s motivating them.

The best deals get made between friends. It\\u2019s hard to make friends over e-mail.

However, if you don\\u2019t have confidence in your negotiation skills, you should try to push the negotiation to e-mail. Written, asynchronous communication will give you more time to strategize and make it easier to say uncomfortable things without being pressured by a recruiter.

That said, recruiters will always prefer to get you on the phone. It\\u2019s essentially their home turf. They\\u2019re also well aware that negotiating is easier over e-mail, and they have little interest in making it easier on you. They\\u2019ll often be vague about the offer over e-mail and only offer to discuss specific details on the phone.

If you want to stick to email, you have to push back against this. There\\u2019s no secret to it: just be honest and ask for what you want.

Tell them:

\\u201cHi recruiter, I hope your day is treating you well!

Re: your previous e-mail, I\\u2019d prefer to discuss the details of the offer over e-mail. I sometimes get nervous during important phone calls, so discussing the offer over e-mail helps me to keep a clear head and communicate more clearly. I hope this is okay with you. :)\\u201d

No BS, no huff-puffery. Just telling the truth and asking for what you want.

There\\u2019s tremendous power in honesty and directness. Take advantage of it.

(Also, note how I wrote \\u201cdiscuss the details of the offer\\u201d rather than \\u201cnegotiate.\\u201d Never describe what you\\u2019re doing as negotiating\\u200a\\u2014\\u200athat sounds immediately adversarial and haggley. Describe it instead as a discussion, and they\\u2019re less likely to recoil.)

Having Alternatives

I mentioned before how essential it is to have multiple offers. I\\u2019ll reiterate again\\u200a\\u2014\\u200ait\\u2019s very, very valuable to have multiple offers.

With other offers on the table, if your negotiation doesn\\u2019t work out, they know you\\u2019ll just accept another offer. Your negotiating position suddenly becomes a lot more credible because they know you\\u2019re willing to walk away.

This effect is strengthened if you get an offer from a prestigious company. And the effect goes through the roof if you have an offer from a company\\u2019s primary competitor (now they\\u2019ll really want to poach you from the big bad competitor-corp).

Some of this behavior is stupid tribalism. And some part of it is rational in trying to deprive competitors of talent. Either way, take advantage of it, and be tactical in which companies you aim for.

But what if you don\\u2019t manage to get any other offers? Does all the negotiating just go out the window?

Not at all. What\\u2019s important here is not actually having other offers. More specifically, it\\u2019s in having strong alternatives. Which is why Rule #6 of negotiating is: have alternatives.

A negotiation needs stakes. If there were no risk and you knew for sure the other side would sign a contract, what incentive would you have to offer them anything more?

Your alternatives are what give a negotiation its stakes. By signaling your alternatives, you allow your interlocutor to develop a mental model of when and why you\\u2019ll walk away from the negotiation. Your alternatives also have an anchoring effect on how much the other side thinks you\\u2019re objectively worth.

In negotiation literature, your best alternative is often referred to as your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). Basically, it\\u2019s what you\\u2019d do if you walked away.

I like the term BATNA a lot, mostly because it sounds like a gadget Batman would lob at bad guys.

So what\\u2019s your BATNA if you don\\u2019t have other offers? Do you even have one?

Of course you do. Your best alternative might be \\u201cinterview at more companies\\u201d or \\u201cgo to grad school\\u201d or \\u201cstay at your current job\\u201d or \\u201cgo on sabbatical in Morocco for a few months\\u201d (as it was for a friend of mine who was deliberating between joining a startup and gallivanting through North Africa).

The point is, you don\\u2019t need to have another offer to have a strong BATNA.

Your BATNA\\u2019s strength comes from:

- how strong the other side perceives it to be, and
- how strong you perceive it to be.

If your recruiter thinks that going to grad school is an awesome thing to do, then they\\u2019ll see you as having a very strong alternative, and the stakes of the negotiation will be raised.

But even if they think grad school is ridiculous\\u200a\\u2014\\u200aif you convince them that you\\u2019d be totally happy to go to grad school\\u200a\\u2014\\u200athen the burden is on them to make this deal more attractive to you than going to grad school.

Thus, you need to communicate your BATNA. This doesn\\u2019t need to be ham-fisted, but you need to make it a background to the negotiation. (Note: usually whenever you signal your BATNA, you should also re-emphasize your interest in reaching an agreement).

Examples:

\\u201cI\\u2019ve received another offer from [OTHER CORP] that\\u2019s very compelling on salary, but I really love the mission of [YOUR COMPANY] and think that it would overall be a better fit for me.\\u201d

\\u201cI\\u2019m also considering going back to grad school and getting a Master\\u2019s degree in Postmodern Haberdashery. I\\u2019m excited about [YOUR COMPANY] though and would love to join the team, but the package has to make sense if I\\u2019m going to forego a life of ironic hatmaking.\\u201d

Note: one of the biggest mistakes I see here is from people who are currently working. If you already have a job, staying where you are is often your BATNA.

This means if you tell your interlocutor that you hate your job, then they know your BATNA sucks, and have no incentive to negotiate with you (on top of potentially thinking that you\\u2019re a negative person). Always emphasize the pros of your current company, your seniority, your impact, and whatever else you like about where you currently work.

You should make your decision seem like a genuinely difficult one\\u200a\\u2014\\u200athen it will appear to be a strong BATNA.

What a Job Negotiation Means to an Employer

I\\u2019ve kept saying that in order to be an effective negotiator, you need to understand the other side. So let\\u2019s take a look at what it\\u2019s like to negotiate as an employer. (I\\u2019m going to have to use the tech industry in my examples here, but the details will differ by industry.)

First, we have to rewind and understand what brought us to this offer in the first place. What kind of resources have they spent so far in trying to fill this position?

- Writing and posting a job description on all appropriate channels ($300)
- Reviewing ~100 or more resumes ($1,250)
- About 15% of those resumes need to be phone screened, so roughly 15 phone screens ($2,250)
- Around 75% of those initial phone screens warrant a technical screen, so roughly 11 technical screens ($9,000)
- About 30% pass through to an on-site, so roughly 3 onsites. These onsites require the coordination of 6\\u20137 employees ($10,800)
- Finally, they make one offer. The recruiter (and potentially the executive staff) need to spend time on the phone with the offeree convincing and negotiating. ($900)

Numbers nabbed from here.

All-in-all this process took about 45 days from start to finish.

Now say you end up turning down their offer. They\\u2019ve spent over $24,000 just extending this single offer to you (to say nothing of opportunity costs), and now they\\u2019ll essentially have to start over from scratch.

This is what a company faces if you turn them down.

Realize what a gauntlet they\\u2019ve been through!

Realize how important it is that you\\u2019re the one!

Out of the droves and droves who\\u2019ve shown up on their doorstep, you\\u2019re the one they want. They want to usher you into their tribe. They went through so much crap to get you here, and now they\\u2019ve found you.

And you\\u2019re worried that if you negotiate, they\\u2019ll take it away?

Further yet, understand that salary is only one part of the cost of employing you. An employer also has to pay for your benefits, your equipment, space, utilities, other random expenses, and employment taxes on top of all of that. All-in, your actual salary often comprises less than 50% of the total cost of employing you.

Which means they expect that your value to the company\\u200a\\u2014\\u200ain terms of the revenue you\\u2019ll generate\\u200a\\u2014\\u200ato be more than 2x your salary. If they didn\\u2019t believe that, they wouldn\\u2019t be hiring you at all.

So, this is all to say: everything is stacked in your favor. It doesn\\u2019t feel that way, but it absolutely is.

Realize that, while you are agonizing over whether to ask for another few thousand dollars, they\\u2019re just praying with bated breath that you\\u2019ll sign the offer.

If you don\\u2019t sign the offer, they lose. Losing a good candidate sucks. No one wants to believe that their company isn\\u2019t worth working for.

They want to win. They will pay to win.

And yet, you might worry: \\u201cbut if end up negotiating more, won\\u2019t they have higher expectations? Won\\u2019t my boss end up hating me for negotiating?\\u201d

No, and no.

It\\u2019s your role that will determine your performance expectations, not how much you negotiated. Making 5k more or less in salary doesn\\u2019t matter at all. Your manager will literally just not care about this.

Remember how expensive it is to even employ you in the first place! Nobody\\u2019s going to fire you because you\\u2019re performing 5K worse than they expected you to. The cost of firing you and hiring someone else is a lot more than 5K to begin with.

And no, your boss won\\u2019t hate you now. And in fact, at most big companies the person you\\u2019re negotiating with won\\u2019t even be your boss. Recruiting and management are totally separate departments, completely abstracted from one another. And even if you\\u2019re at a startup, trust me that your boss is used to negotiating with candidates and doesn\\u2019t place nearly as much significance on it as you do.

In short: negotiating is easier and more normal than you think. Companies are completely willing to negotiate with you. If your intuition tells you otherwise, trust that your mental model is wrong.

How to Give the First Number

In part 1, I mentioned how valuable it is not to have to give the first number. But there are times when you just can\\u2019t avoid it. In these situations, there are ways to give the first number without actually giving the first number.

If a company asks you \\u201cwhat are your salary expectations?\\u201d you might say:

\\u201cI don\\u2019t have any particular numbers in mind. I\\u2019m more interested in learning whether this will be a good mutual fit. If it is, I\\u2019m open to exploring any offer so long as it\\u2019s competitive.\\u201d

Sounds good. But they push back, \\u201cI understand that, but we need to have a clear idea of what you think is competitive. I need to know whether it\\u2019s worth going through the interview process. We\\u2019re a young startup, so I need to make sure we\\u2019re on the same page as far as compensation.\\u201d

That\\u2019s a strong push. But you can still push back.

\\u201cI completely hear you, and I agree it\\u2019s important that we\\u2019re on the same page. I really have no particular numbers in my head. It all depends on the fit and the composition of the offer. Once we decide we want to work together, I think that\\u2019s the best time to figure out a compensation package that makes sense.\\u201d

Most employers will relent here. But there\\u2019s a small chance they push further: \\u201cOkay, look, you\\u2019re being difficult. Let\\u2019s not waste each other\\u2019s time. What\\u2019s an offer that you\\u2019d be willing to take?\\u201d

This is a decision point. They\\u2019re trying to take away your negotiating power and pin you to a premature decision.

That said, you probably will have to say a number at this point, or risk damaging the trust in this relationship. (They are making a valid point that startups can\\u2019t offer the same kind of cash as large companies, nor should you expect them to. They might be sensing that you\\u2019re not aware of this.)

But you can give a number here without actually giving a number.

\\u201cWell, okay. I know that the average software engineer in Silicon Valley makes roughly 120K a year in salary. So I think that\\u2019s a good place to start.\\u201d

Notice what I did here. I didn\\u2019t actually answer the question \\u201cwhat\\u2019s an offer you\\u2019d be willing to take,\\u201d I merely anchored the conversation around the fulcrum of \\u201cthe average software engineer salary.\\u201d

So if you\\u2019re forced to give a number, do so by appealing to an objective metric, such as an industry average (or your current salary). And make it clear that you\\u2019re merely starting the negotiation there, not ending it.

How to Ask for More

An offer is out there, and now you want to improve it. As always, be direct and ask for what you want. Here are generally the steps you should take.

First, reiterate your interest in the company. This is as simple as \\u201cI\\u2019m really excited about the problems you guys are working on at Evil Corp\\u2026\\u201d

Now frame why you\\u2019re asking for more. There are two choices here: you can say that you\\u2019re on the fence and that an improvement might convince you, or you can go stronger and say that you\\u2019re outright dissatisfied with the offer. Which approach you choose depends on how much leverage you have, how weak the offer is relative to your BATNA, and whether you have other offers (the weaker your negotiating position, generally the more tentative you should be).

Either way, be unfailingly polite.

If you\\u2019re dissatisfied with the offer, you might say something like \\u201cI appreciate the work you guys put into constructing this offer. But there were a couple things I was unsatisfied with.\\u201d

If you want to be more reserved, you can say something like:

\\u201cThe offer you guys extended was strong. Right now my decision is basically between you and [XYZ CORP]. It\\u2019s a genuinely difficult decision for me, but there are a couple of dimensions where if this offer improved, it would be much more compelling.\\u201d

Don\\u2019t just say something like \\u201cThanks for the offer. Here are some ways I think it could improve.\\u201d This makes you sound like an ass. Be polite, and if you want to strengthen the offer, tell them clearly how you feel about it. This builds trust and conveys seriousness.

Let\\u2019s say you want to raise the salary. Now that you have a specific ask, it\\u2019s time to employ rule #7: proclaim reasons for everything.

We all implicitly know the catch-22 of negotiation: if you say you want more salary, you\\u2019ll sound greedy. And no one likes greedy people, right? So why would they want to give more money to a greedy person?

I suspect this is the primary reason why so many candidates recoil from negotiating. They don\\u2019t want to feel greedy. It goes against all of their social conditioning. And yet, there are some situations in which most people would be totally fine negotiating.

Specifically, when they have to.

If you had to raise your salary or you wouldn\\u2019t be able to afford rent, or if you had to negotiate health insurance to cover a medical condition, you\\u2019d negotiate without a twinge of regret. The difference? That you have a reason for what you\\u2019re requesting.

It\\u2019s kind of a brain-hack, both for yourself and for your negotiating partner. Just stating a reason\\u200a\\u2014\\u200aany reason\\u200a\\u2014\\u200amakes your request feel human and important. It\\u2019s not you being greedy, it\\u2019s you trying to fulfill your goals.

The more unobjectionable and sympathetic your reason, the better. If it\\u2019s medical expenses, or paying off student loans, or taking care of family, you\\u2019ll bring tears to their eyes. I told employers that I was earning-to-give, so since I was donating 33% of my income to charity, I had tonegotiate aggressively to leave myself enough to live off.

But honestly, even if your reason is inane and unimpressive, it will still carry this effect.

Just saying \\u201ccan you improve the salary?\\u201d sounds like you\\u2019re boringly motivated by money. But if you say \\u201cI really want to buy a house within the next year; what can we do to improve the salary?\\u201d This suddenly seems a lot more legitimate.

If they turn down your request now, they\\u2019re implicitly telling you \\u201cNo, Jennifer, you can\\u2019t buy your house. I guess you don\\u2019t deserve one.\\u201d No one wants to do that. They want to be the one who says, \\u201cAll right Jennifer, I talked with the director and I made it happen. You\\u2019re getting that new house!\\u201d

(Of course, it goes without saying that you want money so you can spend it on things. I know. It\\u2019s stupid. But it works.)

Just go with it, state a reason for everything, and you\\u2019ll find recruiters more willing to become your advocate.

Assert your Value

One effective move you can make in a negotiation, especially after an ask, is to emphasize the unique value you\\u2019ll be bringing to the company. Example:

\\u201cBlah blah blah, I want X, Y, and Z.

I know that you guys are looking for someone to build out your Android team. I believe I bring a lot of experience leading a team of Android developers and I\\u2019m confident that I\\u2019ll be able to bring your mobile offerings up to parity with your competitors.

Let me know your thoughts.\\u201d

Be confident without boasting or trying to hold yourself to specific metrics (unless you\\u2019re supremely confident). Whatever you assert should be something you\\u2019ve touched on earlier in your discussions. But it\\u2019s okay to repeat it now as a gentle reminder. It reminds them of the carrot, and shows that you\\u2019re still excited to add value.

This is not appropriate in every negotiation, especially for very junior positions, where it\\u2019s harder to differentiate yourself. But later in your career (or for more specialized/consulting roles) this can be a really valuable nudge.

What to Ask For

This brings me to rule #8: be motivated by more than just money.

Note, this is not code for \\u201cif you seem like you\\u2019re motivated by more than just money, you\\u2019ll get more money.\\u201d

There is no bigger turn-off to a company than somebody who only cares about money. This is something you\\u2019re not going to be able to fake.

Actually be motivated by other things. You should be motivated by money, too, of course, but it should be one among many dimensions you\\u2019re optimizing for. How much training you get, what your first project will be, which team you join, or even who your mentor will be\\u200a\\u2014\\u200athese are all things you can and should negotiate.

Among these factors, salary is perhaps the least important.

What do you really value? Be creative. Don\\u2019t try to haggle over slices of cake when there\\u2019s so much more on the table.

Of course, to negotiate well you need to understand the other side\\u2019s preferences. You want to make the deal better for both of you. That\\u2019s why rule #9 is: understand what the company values.

How do you figure this out? Well, there are a few good rules of thumb.

First, salary is almost always the hardest thing to give, for a few reasons:

- It must be paid year after year, so it becomes part of a company\\u2019s long-term burn rate.
- It is almost always the thing that people gossip about, so paying someone significantly more salary can cause unrest.
- It tends to be the most tightly constrained by pay bands, especially at large companies.

So if you want more financial compensation, you should think about structuring as much of it as possible outside of salary. A signing bonus, for example, is easier to give than salary. A signing bonus has the advantage of only needing to be paid once. It gets the candidate excited about joining (because everyone likes wads of cash), and it\\u2019s generally not as public.

Remember that you can always get salary raises as you continue to work at the company, but there\\u2019s only one point at which you can get a signing bonus.

The easiest thing for a company to give though is stock (if the company offers stock). Companies like giving stock because it invests you in the company and aligns interests. It also shifts some of the risk from the company over to you and burns less cash.

If you are genuinely risk-neutral or early in your career, then you should generally try to assume as much stock as possible. If you aggressively trade cash for stock, you can end up with a higher expected value offer (albeit with higher risk).

A Brief Primer on Equity

First, understand there are two completely different classes of companies: public companies and private companies.

If the company is public (i.e., it has IPO\\u2019d and is listed on the stock market), then its stock is as good as cash.

You will usually be granted RSUs (Restricted Stock Units), which are just shares like you can purchase on the stock market. Once these shares vest (that is, are released to you), you can turn around and sell them on the stock market. This is how they turn into money.

If the company is private, then things get a lot more complicated.

For private companies, most of the time they will not actually issue you stock grants. Usually, they will issue you stock options. An option is a pre-agreed right to purchase shares of stock at a frozen price.

It\\u2019s important to note that when you want to leave a company, if you have options, your life becomes really complicated. You may have to pay a bunch of money to actually exercise your option (that is, buy your pre-agreed upon stock at the previous frozen price, or risk losing it), with no way to actually sell it yet. The only way to truly liquidate your options is when the company IPOs or is acquired. And many companies don\\u2019t ever do this.

Thus, options are very risky. It\\u2019s easier to get screwed by options, especially on tax implications. For a lot more information, see this post by Scott Kupor of a16z.

Equity Shenanigans

Many companies will try to play mind games with you when it comes to equity. Several companies pulled these on me.

A common one is presenting the total value of the stock grant rather than the annualized value, despite the stock not vesting evenly, or vesting over 5 years instead of the standard 4.

But the most egregious thing that companies will do is tell you absurd stories about the value of their stock. They\\u2019ll say: \\u201cokay, we\\u2019re worth this much now, but at the rate we\\u2019re growing, we\\u2019re going to be worth 10X that in a year. So really, the value of your options is many millions of dollars!\\u201d

To not mince words: this is cynically dishonest BS. Don\\u2019t buy it even for a second. I got this a few times, and the only reason I didn\\u2019t walk away from the offer immediately was because it was always a recruiter pulling this crap. If it was a manager I would\\u2019ve turned down the offer outright.

Here\\u2019s why this is infuriatingly stupid: a company\\u2019s valuation is determined by investors. These investors see the financials and the growth rate of the company, and invest at a price that reflects the current growth rate of the company.

In other words, they invested at a valuation that already took their 10x growth rate into account. Investors are not idiots. And unless you (or your recruiter) think you have privileged information or insight that the company\\u2019s investors don\\u2019t, you should probably take the investors\\u2019 word for it.

Also, a company\\u2019s nominal valuation is almost always inflated due to preferred shares, debt, and survivorship bias. But let\\u2019s ignore that for now.

So if a company gives you this hock of crap, fire back and tell them thank you, but you\\u2019ll be considering the stock at the same valuation their investors valued it at.

I mean, be nice. But don\\u2019t let them try to strong-arm you into accepting this garbage.

A job is not a suicide pact. Choose a company that is judicious and transparent, and you\\u2019ll be much more likely to find yourself respected and taken care of.

Other things you can ask for

Because I\\u2019d be remiss if I didn\\u2019t point out a few other things.

Relocation expenses often come out of separate budgets at big companies, so this is generally very easy to get.

Look for creative benefits that would be particularly valuable to you. Maybe it\\u2019s covering your commuter expenses, asking for dedicated volunteer or learning time, getting sponsored for conferences, or even charity donation matching.

Don\\u2019t assume anything\\u2019s off the table until you\\u2019ve tried bringing it up.

That said, don\\u2019t throw the entire kitchen sink at them. A negotiation can quickly become cumbersome for an employer if you bring up a litany of changes. Keep the changeset as pithy as you can.

Negotiating Jiu Jitsu

Recruiters love trying to trick you into ending the negotiation early. They\\u2019re going to do this relentlessly. Don\\u2019t fault them for it\\u200a\\u2014\\u200aI suspect they can\\u2019t help themselves.

Just keep breaking out of their shenanigans. Don\\u2019t let yourself be pressured into ending a negotiation until you\\u2019re actually ready to make a final decision.

This is especially grave if you have multiple offers, and you let one company pressure you into canceling the others. Companies succeed in doing this all the time, so I want to equip you with the skills to jiu jitsu out of these techniques.

Here are two situations you can break out of. These are both real situations that happened to me during my negotiations, though the numbers and details are invented.

Situation 1:

I ask for a 10K increase in signing bonus. The company gets back to me and says, \\u201cThat\\u2019s really tough for us to do. I\\u2019m going to try. I think you\\u2019re worth it. But I can\\u2019t really go to my boss and fight for you unless she knows you\\u2019re going to sign. Are you going to sign if I get you that 10K?\\u201d

You should be thinking: ah, this person is trying to force me to a decision point and take away my negotiating power.

I respond, \\u201cOkay, so what I\\u2019m hearing is that you\\u2019ll have to expend some personal reputation to get me a 10K bonus. If you end up going to bat for me, are you confident you\\u2019ll be able to get that 10K?\\u201d

\\u201cI think I can, it just comes down to you Haseeb. If you\\u2019re serious about joining us, then I\\u2019ll go fight for you. But I need to know for sure you\\u2019ll sign.\\u201d

Great. Time to jiu jitsu.

\\u201cThat makes sense. Unfortunately I can\\u2019t commit to signing yet; I\\u2019m not yet at the stage where I can make a final decision. Like I told you before, this weekend I\\u2019m going to sit down with my family and talk things over with them. Choosing the company I\\u2019m going to spend the next few years at is a commitment I take really seriously. So I want to be sure I\\u2019m making a well-considered decision.

\\u201cBut since you\\u2019re confident that you can get an extra 10K, let\\u2019s do this instead: in my mind, I\\u2019ll pretend this offer is [X + 10K] and as I\\u2019m considering my final decision, that\\u2019s where I\\u2019ll value it. I know it\\u2019s tough for you to go and get that from your boss, so I don\\u2019t want you to do that until I\\u2019m certain I\\u2019m going to sign.\\u201d

They then vaguely recant and promptly get approval for the 10K bonus.

Situation 2:

I ask for a 20% increase in stock package. The hiring manager, knowing that I\\u2019m negotiating with other companies, then fires back: \\u201cI want to get this stock package for you. And I know I can, we\\u2019ve got the budget. But before I do that, I need your word on something.\\u201d

\\u201cWhat\\u2019s that?\\u201d

\\u201cI need you to give me your word that if I improve your offer, you\\u2019re not going to just turn around and take our counter-offer to [COMPETITOR_COMPANY] to improve your offer with them.\\u201d

You should be thinking: so basically they\\u2019re asking me not to negotiate.

\\u201cLet me see if I understand what you\\u2019re saying. You are willing to improve my offer, but only if I agree that I won\\u2019t tell [COMPETITOR] what you\\u2019re offering me. Is that correct?\\u201d

\\u201cWell no, I can\\u2019t legally do that. What I mean is\\u2026 what I mean is, look. I like you. But if I improve your offer and you just take our offer to [COMPETITOR], you\\u2019ll be violating my trust.\\u201d

\\u201cOkay, let me be sure I understand you here. If you give me this offer and I tell [COMPETITOR], I will be violating the trust under which you\\u2019re granting me this improved offer. Is that correct?\\u201d

\\u201cUhh\\u2026 Look. How about this. In my mind, I\\u2019m going to go get you this stock package okay? And in my head, I\\u2019m going to do it with the assumption that you\\u2019re the kind of person I think you are, and you\\u2019re going to consider our offer in its own right and not just shop it around. Fair enough?\\u201d

I nod. He gets the improved offer. I continue to negotiate. Antics averted.

(In case you\\u2019re wondering, if he had said \\u201cyes,\\u201d I would have turned down the proposal.)

The Path to Signing

It\\u2019s not enough to just continually ask for stuff. Companies need to sense that you\\u2019re actually moving toward a final decision, and not just playing games with them.

Your goal in a negotiation is not to be difficult or elusive. True, you should assert your value and carefully consider your options, but you can do so in a way that\\u2019s respectful and considerate toward the companies you\\u2019re talking to.

Don\\u2019t go dark on people. Be open and communicative. I keep saying be honest and I mean it\\u200a\\u2014\\u200abe honest.

Aside: I keep talking about honesty, and you might protest that this is antithetical to my earlier rule of \\u201cprotect information.\\u201d It\\u2019s not. True, you should protect information that might weaken your negotiating position, but you should be as communicative as possible about everything else (which is most things).

Negotiating is all about relationship, and communication is the bedrock of any relationship.

This brings me to the final rule, Rule #10: be winnable. This is more than just giving the company the impression that you like them (which you continually should). But more so that you must give any company you\\u2019re talking to a clear path on how to win you. Don\\u2019t BS them or play stupid games. Be clear and unequivocal with your preferences and timeline.

If there is nothing that a company could do to sign you, or you don\\u2019t actually want to work for them, then don\\u2019t negotiate with them. Period.

Don\\u2019t waste their time or play games for your own purposes. Even if the company isn\\u2019t your dream company, you must be able to imagine at least some package they could offer you that would make you sign. If not, politely turn them down.

It costs each company money to interview you and to negotiate with you. I didn\\u2019t negotiate with every company I received an offer from, but if there was one key mistake I made in my job search, it was that I still negotiated with too many (in large part because I didn\\u2019t think my job search would be successful).

Making the Final Decision

Okay, it\\u2019s decision time.

(Yes, you do have to make one.)

Three things to keep in mind here:

- be clear about your deadline
- assert your deadline continually
- use your final decision as your trump card

When you start negotiating, you don\\u2019t have to be clear about your timeline because you probably don\\u2019t have one yet. But once you get into intermediary stages, you should set for yourself a deadline on which you\\u2019ll sign. It can be for an arbitrary reason (or no reason at all), but just pre-committing to a deadline will allow you to negotiate more clearly and powerfully.

\\u201cA weekend with the family\\u201d I found works nicely, as it has the added benefit of roping other decision makers in. Then when companies push you to end negotiations early, you can re-assert this deadline.

Companies should all be totally aware of when you\\u2019re going to make your decision. This will raise the stakes and galvanize negotiations as the deadline approaches.

This deadline also lets you defer your decision while still improving offers. Your narrative should basically be \\u201cI want to see the strongest offer your company can muster. Then I will go into my cave, meditate for 10 days, and when I emerge I will have decided in my heart which company to join.\\u201d This gives you enormous power to avoid any on-the-spot decision points or premature promises.

Eventually, deadline day will come. Try to make this a business day (say, a Friday or a Monday) so that you can communicate with recruiters during this day. If a hail mary is going to happen, it\\u2019ll happen here.

Even if there\\u2019s only one company in the running, you should always always wait until the last day to sign your offer. Yes, even if you\\u2019re certain you\\u2019re going to sign and even if it\\u2019s your dream job. I\\u2019ve seen many scenarios in which offers spontaneously improved as deadlines approached, or a fallen player gets up and presents you the holy grail in the 11th hour. Either way, there\\u2019s no harm.

Finally, your trump card. Save this for the very end. Your trump card is these words:

\\u201cIf you can do X, I will sign.\\u201d

Note, this is NOT \\u201cIf you give me X, the offer will be more compelling blah blah blah.\\u201d We\\u2019re past that. It\\u2019s time to make a promise.

Every company that\\u2019s still on the table, let them know what it would take to sign you (unless there\\u2019s nothing they could do). And when you make the final ask, don\\u2019t forget reason-giving, even if it\\u2019s the same reason as before!

\\u201cHi Joel, I\\u2019ve been thinking it over and it\\u2019s genuinely a really tough decision for me. I loved everyone at [COMPANY] but the one thing that makes it hard for me is the salary. As you know I\\u2019m trying to pay off my student loans so salary is really important to me right now. If you can improve the salary by 10K a year, then I\\u2019ll be totally ready to sign.\\u201d

With luck, they meet you half-way. Or, with a little more luck, they\\u2019ll meet all of it.

And just because I know someone will ask\\u200a\\u2014\\u200ayes, once say you\\u2019re going to sign, you should always sign. Never go back on your word. It\\u2019s a small world. People talk. These kind of things will come back to haunt you. (More importantly, never go back on your word because you\\u2019re the kind of person who never goes back on their word.)

Tell all of the other parties that you\\u2019ve made your final decision. Thank them for the negotiation. If you did it well, they\\u2019ll usually thank you back, tell you to keep in touch, and to reach out again in a couple years next time you\\u2019re on the market.

And that\\u2019s it. You did it! Congratulations! You\\u2019re still alive, right?

\\u2026 You\\u2019re not moving.

Well, that\\u2019s fine. It\\u2019s time to celebrate your new job, you beautiful fool! (Drinks are on you.)

If you got some value out of this article, share it with a friend who\\u2019d benefit from it. Or better yet, follow me on Twitter and I can be your friend.

There\\u2019s a lot more in the works.

Until next time,

\\u2014Haseeb

\\xa0

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