Knowing How to Express Sympathy

Published: March 11, 2014, 9:20 p.m.

Do you find it difficult to express sympathy after a loved one passes away? Are you unsure of what to say or how to act during funeral services or memorials? Have you ever wished for a better way to escape awkward moments during a funeral service? If you aren't sure how to express sympathy, then you may find yourself searching for the right thing to say at a difficult time.

The different ways that people grieve are many and varied, and it if you aren't sure of ways to show sympathy, then you could end up saying or doing something inappropriate. Are you ever afraid this will happen to you?

If you’re interested in learning more about how to react to the death of a loved one, then invest 20 minutes to listen to this edition of the Forever in their Hearts podcast where host Erik Reynolds interviews Dale Martin, Jr., President of Martin Brothers Funeral Homes in Vancouver, about how to react to the loss of a family member, knowing appropriate ways to show sympathy, funeral pre-arrangements, and details about the grieving process.

Grief doesn't always begin at the time of death. The Canadian Psychological Association explains* that if a family member experiences a debilitating illness, for example, where death is imminent, that family and friends may begin experiencing grief before their loved one passes away.

Don’t Let Nervousness Compromise Expressions of Sympathy

The interview begins with a discussion about the difficulty of knowing what to say to loved ones. Dale begins by sharing a useful tip that listeners can use to genuinely express sympathy even when feeling nervous or awkward, and gives examples of specific things that you can say to a person when someone that they love has passed away.

Then Dale gives examples of things not to say, which he explains happens when people are experiencing general feelings of nervousness. His 35 years in the funeral industry have provided the knowledge that, no matter how someone experiences grief, they almost always embrace it. He then goes on to share personal experiences that give examples of how people deal with grief.

Regardless of how mourners embrace their grief, knowing how to express sympathy with sincerity can help bring peace of mind during an otherwise difficult time.

Different People Grieve in Different Ways

Dale then segues into a personal story that shows the highs and lows of grief among members of the same family, and reminds listeners that there are seven stages of grief. He explains a couple of the stages and reminds listeners that grief can come in several different ways. After sharing some suggestions for helping move through grief, he answers the following questions.

- How important is it to mention the name of the loved one?
- Is it enough for me to just send flowers to the funeral chapel?
- What are some ways that I can express sympathy after the funeral?
- How can I better prepare my family for the grieving process?
- When is the best time to make my own funeral pre-arrangements?

If you aren't familiar with the seven stages of grief, then Dale encourages you to take a few moments after the podcast to look them up. Understanding the different phases of grief not only help you deal with your own feelings, but can also help you to know how to express sympathy with respect to how someone else might embrace their grief.

How to Find Help When Your Grief Begins to Take Over

One of the benefits of so many years in the funeral industry is knowing the best direction to point clients in when they are having trouble with moving through their grief. During the podcast he suggests people, and places, that listeners can reach out to if they’re finding it difficult to mourn. Next Dale shares a personal experience to better outline why grief is as unique as the person going through it.

Next Dale explains how to prepare your family for an unexpected death. He explains how to bring up the topic of your final wishes with your family, and invites all listeners to pre-plan their funeral arrangements, which is a completely free service provided by the funeral chapel.

There are certain advantages that come with completing your funeral pre-arrangements, such as adding insurance to have your remains returned home should you pass away while traveling overseas, as well as other things that benefit your family. Are you still waiting to begin the process?

Dale finishes up this edition of the podcast by sharing some tips about approaching the topic of funeral pre-arrangements with your spouse, significant other, or someone else close to you. This information not only helps you understand the grieving process, but also how you can add peace of mind to that process with funeral pre-arrangements.

Are You Ready to Give Your Family a Little Peace of Mind?

Do you find yourself tongue-tied when debating how to express sympathy to someone who is grieving? Are you aware of the stages of grief and how understanding each stage can help you better express sympathy? Have your family members discussed the benefits of funeral pre-arrangements?

After you listen to this entire podcast and hear all the advice that Dale has to share on the topic, please ask your questions or submit your comments in the space below. We look forward to reading your thoughts soon.

Martin Brothers Funeral Services has more than 100 years of experience in providing thoughtful, dedicated services to families dealing with loss. If you are ready to take care of funeral pre-arrangements, have additional questions about their services, or are dealing with a loss, please contact them at their Vancouver office.

Martin Brothers Funeral Services

Vancouver: Funeral Services Centre
3398 Dunbar Street
Vancouver, BC Canada
V6S 2C1

Telephone Number: 778.330.7799
Toll Free Number: 1.800.382.2901
Fax Number: 778.330.7633

*http://www.cpa.ca/docs/File/Publications/FactSheets/PsychologyWorksFactSheet_GriefInAdults.pdf