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Are you a fan of Sons of Anarchy? The Shield? Then you’ll love the marketing for this movie.

Turn on the subtitles and hold onto your hat, folks, we’re in for a wild ride! Dirty cops at war with a biker gang is just the tip of the iceberg. Really. Just the tip. It’s barely relevant at all.

Two ridiculously named young adults marry in secret and literally no one acknowledges this as a valid pairing. Except our lovebirds, of course. This marriage puts a hitch in the evil queen(seriously. There is one of those)’s plans to marry Imogen, our young ingenue, to her own son and secure her family’s place as leaders in the local biker gang hierarchy. But he’s a total dickbag and we’re all glad when he **SPOILER ALERT** eats it.

There are illegitimate (and presumably stupid) children, murderous jealousy, plotting, plot adjacent story lines that are way less important than one would think, and DAN FROM GOSSIP GIRL. DAN. FROM GOSSIP GIRL. V-NECKS AND ALL, Y’ALL.

Are you familiar with Cymbaline? Yeah, we weren’t either. What did you think of it? Let us know!

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