We hear a lot about bully prevention and usually think of the kids who are getting bullied. But what about the bully? My guest today WAS the bully. His name is Michael Zed Johnson, and he is the Author of Bully on the Bus, he is a Speaker, Businessman, and Mentor and has committed his life to speaking directly to the kids and inspiring a new path.
We talked about what it feels like to have suicidal thoughts but not want to die. And he shared the stories that are coming from students all across the nation - and how we can provide proper support.
Do you have a story about bullying? Text me at 470.242.6311.
Donate/Purchase Bully on the Bus books
Transcript:
Hey, I'm Allison Hare and welcome to little left of center, the podcast that interviews culture changers that are reshaping our world and breaking new ground. We hear a lot about bully prevention and usually think of the kids who are getting bullied, but what about the bullying? My guest today was the bully. His name is Michael, said Johnson, and he is the author of bully on the bus. He is a speaker, a businessman and mentor and entrepreneur and has committed his life to speaking directly to the kids and inspiring a new path. Ooh, the stories I hear of bullying in schools is so frightening, especially when you think of the digital bullying as well as physical bullying. And we talked a lot about my own experiences at school, not only being bullied well, duh. I grew up in New Jersey, but embarrassingly how I was an infant offender too.
And we both got really vulnerable in this chat. Do you have a story about bullying? Text me at (470) 242-6311. And before we get into my chat with Michael, I always like to give you a quick [inaudible] the scenes look at what's going on with the podcast. Podcasting is a really unique medium. It's powerful in a very effective platform, but it is very one sided from the host or hosts. You don't always get the benefit of instant feedback and some weeks you might get a ton and some might be crickets and many people listen and most listen passively. For instance, I have shows I've listened to religiously. I think they sound great. I've learned a ton. Like I'm literally being changed from these shows. I follow them on social media. I've told my friends to listen. I may have even quoted them on this show, but I've never left them a review on Apple podcasts.
So I'm making more of a conscious effort to do that now because I always ask my listeners to subscribe, rate and review my show. So I need to be a little more mindful of it. But when you have the chance to please make sure you text me at (470) 242-6311 so what happened last week is after my interview with Kristin ODA of stat wellness, I've been getting some really heartfelt and thoughtful notes about my show and about my growth as a podcaster and interviewer and some really encouraging notes about my guests. I just felt so grateful to have my feedback and know that people care about the content and the truth be told. This show is really just one long therapy session for me and I take the position that if I'm feeling a certain way, I know I can't be alone. And that's one of the reasons why I added a text line for the show to make it a little more bi-directional, a little more communicative. Again, the number is (470) 242-6311 and I want to hear from you what moved you. Are you inspired to do something different or think about something in a new way? What are you curious about? What suggestions do you have for me? All of those comments help me make a better show. So text me at (470) 242-6311 and let's connect and Oh yes, please subscribe, rate and review. My show on Apple podcast is really nice to know you're listening and it helps others find me too. And now to my chat with Michael Zed Johnson
[Inaudible].
So where are you here with Michael Zen Johnson. Michael Johnson. Michael's ed Johnson is, I imagine that is probably a good way for you to differentiate yourself from all the Mike Johnson's in the world. What I think is interesting is that, you know, we talk a lot about mental health and the suicide rate, especially with young kids growing and growing and growing. And a lot of that is attributed, not only does social media specifically around bullying and so there's a lot of focus from a bullying perspective on being bullied. And you were the bully.
Yeah, I was, it's funny how this whole thing started. I used to speak at schools about my journey from the projects to own in a business and meeting a mentor. And I would go and I would tell that story. Look at me, I'm awesome. I did it. If I can do it, anyone can. And last year, my little girl, when she was in the third grade, asked me if I'd come speak at her school and I said, I'll be happy to, but that's not really a third grade conversation. And she said, daddy, what about those two girls used to make crown the bus? And so I decided I would go speak at it. It's the one person in this world I don't want to let down. So I decided to go speak at her school and write a book about it, a children's book called bully on the bus about my experiences with bullying. As I shared the story with people, what I've learned is what was really going on with me. And it was a coping mechanism. I was extremely ashamed of being poor. And if I'm making fun of you, then no one else can be making fun of me. And and
Guy, when you were growing up, were you make, how did, how did a rewind all the way back?
Right. So if I go all the way back, it's when I was five, my mom and dad separated and I could remember early, like in third grade, and my mother teaching me the same lessons that everyone's mothers taught them, the kind of treat people the way you want to be treated. If you don't have anything nice, they don't say anything at all. And I thought then she was fussing at me when she would get onto me about it. All she was doing was building my character. But we moved all the time. In sixth grade I come home to find my mom throwing everything we own in trash bags and in a U hall and she's like, we're leaving and we move in. 10 days later we move again. So it was very difficult for me to make friends and for me to learn. So what I ended up doing was just going to the crowd that would accept you.
And that was the people that were making fun, the class, all that kind of stuff. And they would accept you in. And I didn't have quality friends. But what I've come to realize is because quality friends look for quality and I didn't have that to offer at that time cause I didn't know if I'd be here next week. And we ended up, I started my first business at 14 to help my mom pay the rent cause she couldn't find a job and she said come to me and said we're about to be homeless. So my brother and I sold it or bikes, we started our first business and that worked through the summer. Then school started, we moved into the projects and, and just there was these two girls that lived there. We would pick on them on the bus and call them gruesome Tucson and we would cha gruesome twosome need to lose some and these girls would go home crying every single day.
And as an adult, I wanted to apologize cause I started changing the way I thought, my circle of influence and that kind of stuff. But I couldn't apologize because I couldn't remember their names. All I could remember was Gruesome Twosome and what we called them in the way we acted. But no, and for me it was, it was more coping. And if I'm picking on you and you know, nobody's picking on me, never wa never got into fighting and tough guy, stuff like that. And my mom always taught me to protect people, protect the weak, stand up for the week, respect women, protect them when you can. And, and I did some my fair share of that, but I also thought at 14 or 15 when this was going on, I was making fun of the week. What I realized at 40 was I was the week when I could have stopped it.
I chose not to. What made you realize that 40 where did, where was that turning point for you? You know, I think, again, it goes back to a change in kind of my circle of influence. And I was just doing a lot of reflect and at that time in my life, and I was, I was just thinking, and it, it got me to where I could have stopped it and I chose not to. It was easier for me to pile onto these two girls then do the right thing and do what my mother had taught me my whole life. And it was, I mean, it was kind of heartbreak. I can remember one time and then I remember videos coming out to, there was a video that came out of a mother filming her son and he's crying about why do people bully?
Like I had to pull over on the side of the road. I'm crying because it's cause I wanted to apologize to these girls. And unfortunately, last December I had that opportunity. You did. So how did you remember what their names were and how did you get reconnected? So I found an old friend that lived in the the projects with me and I sent her a message. I said, Hey, do you remember the two girls that I used to pick on? On the bus and make cry the twins. And she said, yeah, I think their names were Sarah, Sarah and Sally. And I'm like, Oh my God, that's it. And so I tried to find them on Facebook. Apparently they're the only the only women on Facebook that don't use their maiden names. But I found her brother track them down through their brother and cinema messaging.
I was terrified. Like my palms were sweating. I was scared to death was now I've got to do what's right. Make my little girl proud of me and my wife proud, my mother proud and just kind of get this off my chest. And I sent him a message and Hey, is this Sarah and Sally from holiday Hills apartments, Kingsport, Tennessee? And they're like, yeah. And one of them come back and said, yeah, and I was just talking about you last week. And my heart sank. Wow. They haven't forgotten and water fits. I hate you. You ruined my life in the, in the, in the thing I dreaded the most was the simplest question of all. And that was why, why did you do this to me? And that's not at all what I got. I'm laying in the bed, my phone beeps and I'm too scared to look at it. Cause if it was those dreadful faults or dreadful expectations, I wouldn't be able to sleep. And the next morning I woke up and by that point they both responded and they said the same thing. For the most part they said, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this for so long. And I don't really remember you like that. Wow. But it goes back to, to me, talking about me being weak in these girls being courageous is, I mean even today they're apologizing to me and I stole the ride home.
Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah,
It's, it's, it's really bizarre when I sit back and I think about it and, and the journey and even speaking at schools has changed. It was all about bullying. And now when I speak to the older students, middle school and high school, I do another exercise and it's really turned into a mental health conversation. So it's kinda come full circle.
So, if I'm reading between the lines, you said, you know, you, you kind of were transient, you didn't grow up with a lot of money. It sounded like your mom was really scrappy, but she was very conscious of teaching you the right things and you know, people, people go off path. Right. And, you know, I was thinking about my own journey that I remember there was this kid and I used to bully him and I would, he was like this kind of a, a weird dude. And I used to call him Greek geek. We all called him Greek geek. And I I feel awful still. I don't really remember his name. And on the on the same token I was bullied that, you know, so I grew up in New Jersey and in New Jersey, word loud or louder in general. And there were these girls that just hated me.
And and, and I feel like if people from my high school are watching this or listening to this, they might remember, but there was like a group of girls that just hated me. And I remember when I was a freshman, they came up to me and they said we don't like you and we're going to pick you up. We're going to take you to Newark, New Jersey. We're going to beat the shit out of you and we're going to leave you for dead. And my mother was like, beside herself, you know, and we got into a fist fight and got the suspension. And to this day, I hate that girl and I don't even know her. I'm not friends with her on Facebook, you know, every once in a while it'd be like friends you might know and I'll see her. And and it's amazing, you know, like how, how those things really, really stick with you.
And you know, whether or not she remembers it or is even thinking about me or you know, did it really make a huge, but I think now the stakes are so much higher and high school in social media. And so you've been on a speaking circuit, you've written this book bully on the bus, and you've been speaking and giving your bugs and having people donate to help support your cause. What are you finding? I looked at your social media and you were sharing these, these unbelievably heartbreaking stories. Oh my God. So tell me more about how this really turned around for you.
So I think the most important thing to know is two things. What I've really focused on lately is number one, your current situation isn't your fault. If you're poor divorce family, your parents are addicts. That's not your fault. Like I carried that with me for a long time that, that we moved into the projects because at 14 the first business I started wasn't sustainable to provide for my family is in CDU. Started 14 I started the landscape business and I told my little brother, so my mom, we moved from Oregon, she had $1,700 and we were moving back to Tennessee and we didn't, we couldn't take anything. We didn't. So we literally took our bicycles. My brother and I took our dirt bikes and I remember taking a deep freezer and tools like we had no furniture when we got there. And my brother and I built bunk beds out of plywood and we slept on air mattresses or floats from a swimming pool.
Were you guys just super industrious, you know, like how did you figure it out?
We were always like that. You know, my uncle was a huge male role model in my life and he was kind of my hero and smartest guy I'd ever met kind of thing. And he was very hands on and, and taught us that stuff. But that's what we did. My brother's still like that to this day. I'm not so much, but we did that. Then a couple months after we moved there, my mom come to me with a different story. And this time there wasn't a water money. It was, I still can't find a job and we're about to be homeless. So my little brother and I, we got together. I told him, I think we need to sell our dirt bikes to start a business. And that's what we did. We started brother's yard service. Still one of my favorite pictures. I, I keep it everywhere with me.
I share it with every student I speak to. But at 14, I couldn't spell the word surface. I spelled it with an S instead of a C and apparently my mom couldn't spell it either. And, but I, I haven't, I've never let those things stop me. Like I don't read well and I don't write well and I can't spell well. So when I wrote the book, I found somebody to help me. And, and I use audible as a crutch, you know, to, to take in content, a lot of YouTube and videos. But for me the change was when, probably when I'm, when it started, was when I met my now wife 26 years ago in high school and she started kind of teaching me a reaffirming the, the character building that my mother had done. And then I met a mentor and a mentor changed my life.
And then I realized I kind of put two and two together and started changing what I call circle event flow. So started slipping into my mentor circle. And then what I really realized lately is what we were sharing earlier was if you surround yourself with people that refuse to allow you to fail, you can do anything. So like what I used to tell the story of going from the and starting that first business to own in my business and selling it last year was it was me, me, me, me, me. And what I realized is it wasn't, none of those can have done any of it myself. It was everyone. I surrounded myself with the people that don't get credit, that's what got me through it. And, and so their current situation, you know, it's not their fault and you're not alone. Whatever's going on in your mind, you're not alone.
And so I do an exercise with middle school and high school students. When I go to the schools to speak, I'll send a video to the school before I get there. This is, Hey, I'm super excited about showing up. I want this to be interactive. I want you to take away from it. I want you to be vulnerable. I want you to take a piece of paper and write down something that was heavy on your heart. Something you're not proud of. You're ashamed of something you want to get off your chest, something you need help with, but don't well know how. Keep it anonymous unless you want help. And then write your name on it and I'll give you three examples. Number one is my family. My mother's a drug addict, my father is an alcoholic and my brother doesn't speak to me. Number two is I'm 44.
I don't read, write or spell well at all. And number three is I've battled suicidal thoughts for the last 10 years because of medicine. And so I go through my whole life journey presentation and towards the end of it I asked them to take the paper and wadded it up and throw it on the floor. Just throw it at me and the floor gets covered with hundreds of pieces of paper. And then not just show them visually that you see all this paper laid around me. You're not alone. 90% of the stuff that's written down here I've dealt with, I just shared with you in my journey and my story and and I'll pick them up in our, read them in the first time I did this exercise, the fourth one I picked up was I want to kill myself. And these were middle school students.
Four of them at this one school that had 900 students, four of them said they'd been raped. Probably three dozen. Yeah, probably three dozen said they wanted to kill themselves as a father. The one that had the biggest impact on me was just three words. And all it said was my dad's existence. That floored me. And then I could remember one, a young lady again, this is middle school. She comes up to me, she has tears in her eyes. She had been crying, her eyes are all red. She told her best friend's hand and she just looks at me, not with desperation but, but something else and says, how did you get rid of the thoughts? And I just gave her a big hug and whispered in her ear and told her, I haven't, but I know I don't want to die and that I'm stronger than my thoughts and you're stronger than yours and I'll help you get help.
And so the, the mission has changed, or the, the journey has, has evolved into speaking to more of the older students. And let's get this stuff out there. Let's get the stigma of mental health out. I tell them, I'm like, I've seen a therapist, I'm a big burly guy and I'll stand up here and tell you, I'll stand in front of him and cry. I'm like, it's okay. It's not your fault. And it's been life changing. Have you seen a difference in gender and what affects them? Because I'm listening to what you're saying and I'm thinking about
That documentary. The mask you live in. Have you seen it? It's unbelievable. And it is about how boys. And there's a girl, one called misrepresentation, but the mosque you live in is about how boys are socially conditioned to be the man, to not cry to man up to, you know, to never show emotion. And, and what happens is as they get older and they've never been able to fully express how they feel, they've always been shamed for that, that they, it ends up in fits of rage or suicide, suicidal thoughts or just not being able to kind of access the emotions that they might have. And it's a really powerful documentary for me. It was life changing and it kind of helped us. I've got a little boy who is seven and a little girl who's four and it has kind of shaped, you know, how we raise our kids and the words we use. So I'm wondering, do you see any difference with genders or any trends?
So I do, and as was going to tell you is a male student wrote on his piece of paper, I'll read it to you. My emotions are assigned that I'm weak. I never show my emotions that much. And that's exactly right. That's cause that's the way we were kind of taught our whole life is, is you don't cry. You don't show emotions. That's weakness. And even when I started seeing a therapist, I knew that I needed to go see a female because I didn't feel like I could be honest and open up of another male. But again, at 44 or whatever, I knew that same thing with the suicidal thoughts. I knew it was side effects from medicine, but I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to understand that. So, but, but the girls I feel are more open. But a lot of the stuff that gas talk about their different you know, girls are talking about fake friends and being bullied and, and daddy issues and stuff like that. And boys are, are talking more to me about my brother is having suicidal thoughts and it scares me. I remember that standing out. I'm afraid that my parents are going to jail. You know, they're more open about kind of other people in their life is what I feel like we're girls are, are more kind of looking in the mirror and talking about what's really bothering them. But it's been crazy. Like I broke down that day. Like now I have all these papers and I don't know what to do with them.
You take, you keep these papers that people crumble up and throw at you. What do you do with them?
So one of them I've got lay in right here beside me. I want to have it framed. Cause it was a letter. This child wrote literally a letter and, and it was all this terrible stuff. And then the last line was, but it's getting better now. So I'm going to keep that. I think ultimately what we'll end up doing is probably using it in some kind of book. Not like it, not like a book of chapters, but almost like a photo book of the stuff I've been posting online to where maybe on the left page we have of these horrendous things on the right page is something positive, you know, kind of, kind of balanced, ying and yang each other. But it's tough. You know, I'd give the ones back to the schools that if they ask about any abuse or suicidal thoughts, especially if children write their names on it, always give those back or at least let them know what's going on.
Yeah, you probably have a responsibility if they're saying things like that.
I was torn on what happened at the first school. I did it at I was just walking around afterwards with the principal and I was picking them up and reading them. And one of them said that this, this young lady said she had been sexually abused and she put her name on it and the principal immediately said, I want that. And I was torn because I didn't want to give it to them because I was afraid this child opened up to a complete stranger and you can't just call her on the assist on the PA and say, Hey, come to the office once this, tell me what's going on. Because now
It seems like a violation and a,
Yeah, well, but she may never open up again and although it needs to be investigated in should, how's this child gonna feel if dad or uncle or whoever now goes to jail, let's say it's dad, they go to jail. Now it's single mom trying to raise them. They had their life completely changed as they move into the pro. Like now she's got to carry all that as well as being abused and I just, I just encourage the school to really be careful about how you handle this. It needs to be Hannah and what, what kind of was the turning point for me to, where I decided to give them all back was one of them. One of the children had written that they had all these horrible things going on and didn't know how to get help. And to me that was a cry for help. And the schools can do that. So now I ask them to keep it anonymous unless they won't help if they won't help it, don't know how to get it right. Your name on it. I had the schools have guidance counselors on staff right there in the presentations, but it's been extremely powerful and life changing for me.
Yeah. So I love how you make it very experiential. You get them involved. I think it's powerful because it seems like you're giving these, these kids a voice for whatever it is. And I'm wondering how you use your platform to get them help. So I'm sure they feel heard and they feel seen in the moment. But how do you get them on a path to healing? So whether it is mental, mental health, or even just confusion and just puberty.
Yeah, so, so that's the challenge. And I was, I was having this conversation earlier with a great friend of mine is because once I'm gone, I'm gone. You know what I mean? They can bring me back next year and we could have the same talk and get more people open up. But the key there is really you leveraging the schools and the counselors at the schools to get the schools involved to where they can help these children find help. I immediately talked to a therapist friend of mine did a podcast with her. Those assets and those resources are available through the schools. But it's tough and that's why when the first day I did it and I had all these papers, I called one of my great friends who's the number one speaker in education in the world and I sent him a text.
I'm like, Nathan, I need you to call me and pray for me because I like, I don't know what to do with these in that way. I was really torn with now what, like these kids open up, I've got hundreds of these papers and what do I do with them now? And so he called me and gave me his advice and he prayed. And I mean, it's just, it's, it's been a crazy, crazy road. It seems like it's since last year. So I've been speaking on and off at local high schools about my journey from start, my first business to selling my last one. And I again, how awesome I am. I'm an entrepreneurial, you know. Yeah. You don't pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I did it. You can do it. Anybody can do it. Don't let somebody tell you, you the speaker. How did you get up?
And I stunk at it as well. And then, you know, when my little girl asked me to do it and we got into elementary schools and then we just started speaking it at other schools. But I don't know, I just, I was terrified, especially as a child standing up in front of the class. I couldn't read whales. I was always afraid I'd get called on to read. And then just one day I just got to do it. And Hey, I've noticed, you know, in hindsight, everything I ever started, I didn't belong there. When I started selling baseball cards, I didn't belong there. I just had 50 cards and the guy beside me had 50,000, but I didn't stop. I didn't let them allow me to stop. So I just kept pushing through. And when I started speaking, I thought it was the greatest. I could remember telling friends, I'm going to do a Ted talk and I'm doing this.
And I looked back at that stuff and it was terrible. I didn't story tale at all. And I went and I'm a guy from the group said, Hey, have you ever heard of Nathan Harmon? I might know who's that. He's like, he's the number one speaker in the space that you want to be and you probably need to get to know him. So I cold email Nathan and said, Hey, I need some help. I'm trying to break into the space. I'm having a lot of troubles. Here's what I'm wanting. Here's the story I want to share. And emailed me back. He's like, let's set up a call. I'll give you 30 minutes. And he called and gave me all kinds of advice that, Hey, I'll help you do anything I can. And he felt really genuine. And I texted him a couple of days later, I'm like, Hey man, I'd really like take you out to dinner and kind of pick your brain.
Can I come see you speak and take you out to dinner? And he's like, absolutely. And we lined it up. I was wanting to go to Portland to meet him and it was his anniversary tree that kind of fell apart. He's like, I've got a better idea. I'm speaking in Indiana where I'm from, come there. All you gotta do is drive me. So it turned out better because I got two hours each direction, two days with him. And from Nathan, I learned kind of the art of storytelling because you still, I would say my mom and dad got a divorce it when I was five and then this happened and it was just a linear line of facts and there was no engagement, there was no emotion, there was no anything. And then once I, I learned kind of the artist's story telling to start the story off completely different and, and I add the details that, that, that engage the students that, that they see their sales in me. I see myself in them and, and that was it. And I love it. It's, it's, I I still got to get a lot better but I really, really enjoy it and what I've got to do now is tying in some of the positive stuff and, and help these kids down their own path. After I tell them, you know, kind of my story.
So I'm wondering, you are one guy and the, I just thought yesterday that the number two cause of death for kids nine to 19 is suicide and it's an epidemic that's not going away. And I have a girlfriend, I was texting her this morning and she has committed like her passion is to, is because of that stat is to find antidotes and ways to help prevent and expose parents that a lot of parents will turn a blind eye because they don't know how to help. I don't know that it is even as stigma against therapy, but they don't know how to help or identify or what, you know, how do I figure out what's right? Is my kid, excuse me, is my kid okay? And I talked to my girlfriend and she said, you know, I'm really going through some stuff right now. My, my son's friend just committed suicide.
Like her worst nightmare is kind of still happening. So how do you how do you help parents identify? How do you help kids speak up? Because I've, you know, I, my very first episode of little left of center was with a 16 year old girl who's like this amazing industrious activist and you know, she, we were talking about suicide and depression and she said, you know, so many of my friends are depressed. She's like, I've suffered from depression and thoughts of suicide and anxiety. And you know, so many of my friends parents that, you know, like they won't, they're afraid to talk about it cause they're afraid that their parents will just put 'em on drugs and that's not what they want. So you know, where is, is there any answers, are there any guidance or advice that you can help that you've seen?
I mean, I can speak from my own personal experience. My mother has battled depression her whole life and I always looked at depression as it's just life, suck it up. We live in the projects, our apartment's full of cockroaches. We're on foods cause that life sucks right now and that's what it is. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Until I got on that medicine. Then I realize firsthand that when brain chemicals get out of whack, you have no control over that. You're just along for the ride. And even like all the struggling that I did with it, as much as my wife and I spent time together and she loves me to the moon and back, she didn't understand it either. And like I would like it was all consuming for me,
The medicine or the depression. Tell me when you add a little context.
Yeah, the, the suicidal thoughts from this medicine. Like I would sit in my office for hours if thyroid. Yeah. So I've got hyperthyroidism and I, and, and, and let my customers in my old business, it was out a two way radio shop, a shop. So it was police, it's city managers and education. And I called my doctor's office and I was like, look, I'm having these terrible side effects. I can't, I'm in a fog. I'm thinking about killing myself all the time. I need to get in and get this medicine changed. And the response from the doctor was, that's impossible. And so I start typing into medicine into Google and it auto possible that you'd have a suicide from this medicine. And I start typing the name and took Google and it immediately comes up with suicide, autofill suicide. And so I've just, I just knew what it was and I quit taking the medicine and got on some different medicine and it cleared it up.
But I wouldn't, again, I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to realize what it was. But it took that life lesson for me to realize that depression is a real thing. It's just not somebody having a bad day that things are out of whack. You're just kind of along for the ride. You have no control over it. My wife noticed a change in me, my colleagues, my business partner, everyone noticed a change. But when I kind of connected all the dots, I went back to all those people and told them that there's something going on. And I know it's the medicine, so if you notice me acting strange or weird, it's a side effect from this. But it was, it was brutal and they still, I don't know if it's kind of created [inaudible] the permanent situation will be or whatever, but they still pop into my head all the time and like combat it.
I just know I don't want to die. I mean for me that's what it is. What does that feel like? What does it feel like to have suicidal thoughts and not want to die? It's, it's really, it's really strange. Like today I was thinking about it and I don't know why. Like it just pops into my head. I'm driving down the road, I'm leaving a school from speaking to to elementary students today and hang and myself just popped up. And so then I'm like, but I don't want my little girl to find me. Like I have these conversations in my head all along, no one that I don't want to die. Like I love my life and I love the mission I'm on and my family and friends and that kind of stuff. But it's really bizarre and difficult for me to explain because it just pops up.
But like when it was all consuming, I'm like, I've got to die, but I need my wife and family to collect life insurance money. So how am I going to make this look like a burger? Or I'm like, I know what I'll do. I'll just put my, my workout weight vest on, go rent a jet, ski up and go on the ocean and jump in with a 40 pound weight. This that'll, you'll never find me. And I'm like, those are crazy. And like I realized that, but, but that's like you're watching your own movie while this is going on. Do you that kind of, I mean it was really, really weird and then it would clear up for a couple of days or a couple of hours or whatever and then it would be right back into, I just, I don't want to say hear voices cause I don't think, but I mean you could just kind of get your own thoughts and it'd be like, Oh, I've got to kill myself, but you know, I don't want some mass.
And that sort of thinking about if I kill myself in the house and how's my wife and kid want to come back here. And, but all while knowing that I didn't want to die. And as soon as I got off the medicine, it really helped it. But like I said, there's some, there's still some lingering thoughts, but I just know that that's not me. And, but again, I wouldn't expect a 12 year old child on some kind of medicine having side effects to realize that that's exactly what it was. And, and like, that's why that little girl that came up to me crying and when she asked how you got rid of them, that hit me so hard because I like that statement. Let's see. You're not alone to that statement. That statement lets me know that she doesn't want to die. Right? She just wants to get rid of this stuff in her head.
And so I told her that, that I didn't want to die and I'm stronger than my faults and I know you're stronger than yours. And you know, there's people that can help. And just talking. So back to the Paris stuff is, I think you need to communicate. But again, my wife would ask me what's wrong and I didn't want to burden her with it, right? So I would just tell her I'm nothing. I'm, I'm just, you know, I'm just going to function. Everything's fine. When really I had spent hours trying to figure out how I was wanting in my own life. So I, I think this will be very tough for parents. I think you need to encourage your children to speak to you about, no matter what it is, whatever it is, are dealing with struggling with, I think we really need to encourage our children and young people to, to just communicate with us and that it's going to be okay. And that I can get the helper, I'll do everything I can. And but it's, it's, it's a, it's a big challenge.
So I think, I think what I'm hearing is, is offering your support unconditionally. Yeah. It's gotta be hard though when you have teenagers that are really rebelling and pushing back as they should, you know, like as part of a Rite of passage. But I'm really curious to learn more about your daughter who is a, as far as I can tell your only child she's in third grade. It's clear you love her. What are you teaching her? You know, like, it sounds like your intentionality and your consciousness over this is it sounds like it, you're not hiding from her. So what do you teach her? How do you, how do you kind of IM, you know, embed these better thoughts or at least not better thoughts, coping mechanisms? Cause I think that's what we're lacking today is we lack the ability to cope because what we're taught is take a drug or you know, numb it out, whatever. How do we cope? So how do you teach your daughter how to cope?
So with my daughter, my relationship is we talk all the time and she can talk to me about anything and I don't hold her back. Even like music she listens to or whatever, I'm sure some of the music she listens to at nine is inappropriate, but she's going to listen to it. Right. And I don't want to do an interview. I want her to feel comfort. I want her to feel comfortable around me. Th th th th like she doesn't call me dad at nine years old. She calls me Michael because dad's babyish. Oh, that's crazy. But that's what, again, I think it's crazy too. And every time I tell people that that's what they say. But if what she wants to do, then I'm fine with it. I don't care. And I kind of started it because when we would go out and have our adventures, I'm like, if you need help, don't yell dad.
All kids sound the same. Yeah, Michael said Johnson and I know it's you. And so the Michael thing kind of stuck with her, but we just communicate all the time and now I teach her to be kind. I'm a teacher too, and actually she's taught me stuff, you know, my daughter has, has never described somebody by the color of their skin and I'm so proud of that. How would you describe people? So I'll give you an example. Last year in third grade, she had two children of color in her class and the little boy, every time I'd see him he'd look at me, he'd be like, give me some money. Mr. Johnson gave me some money and I couldn't remember his name. So I asked her and she said, daddy, you mean that boy with a real curly hair? I'm like, yeah, him. And she saidJ and so the girl was the same way.
I couldn't remember her name. And I was asking about the young lady. She said, daddy, you mean that girl with a real long pretty hair? And I'm like, yeah. And I didn't even tell her how proud I was because I didn't want to influence her. You didn't want to make it other, other, other, that person, the influence is going to happen and, and I, and I can kind of see it now. You know where it's coming in from school. And I'm really, and that's sad. It's not the right word cause I know it's coming, but you know, I just, I hate it because she's not raised like that. She, she, she's always looked at every one. It's just friends. And that's what's so special about, you know, especially elementary age students is they're just friends and good friends and they love each other and they look past all that stuff that as adults we've been kind of programmed to see.
So I teach her to be got a teacher to talk like tolerance to Oh my God. Yeah. And everything. And also try to try to teach her to be aware like my child doesn't have the life that I have. Like my child doesn't have the life that probably 90% of the kids in our school have. We're always out doing stuff like, like this summer I use them. One of the things I learned in BYO or to have them be where your feet and remember tomorrow and I teach that stuff to my little girl and I share a picture with every, every group of kids. I speak to them. It's my family standing on the skywalk at the grand Canyon and I'm terrified of Heights. [inaudible] Walking on glass is not for me. And that nine year old girl, I'm standing at the door looking at him, that nine year old girl yelled at me, daddy be where your feet are.
And I had, I had to muster up the courage to walk out there to have that picture made with her. But like that, that week that we were in Las Vegas, she's like, daddy, I want to, I want a Lambo. So I went and rented a Lamborghini for the two O's for they like her. Yes. There's not a missile. She's got a picture of it on her phone and we're getting on the plane coming in and the pilot's like, what's that? She's like, Oh, it's just the Lambo, the politics really. And so I, for her, like this weekend we went to a hockey game and that's just a normal Saturday for her. That's a once in a year event for it for other kids. So I really want her to be conscious of the life she has and we try to share. It's like we took her best friend with us and we go to amusement March.
We take her friends with us and we want to share those experience with others. But I want her to learn and realize that, that it's not common and it is special and you don't want to go to school talking about it, making other children feel bad. And it's not her fault, you know, it's, it's just a Saturday for her. But I want her to be very conscious of that and, and, and we help out every way we can. My wife is just doing some stuff for backpack buddies with work. We always give to underprivileged students. Last year we were out of school for three weeks for hurricane and my wife and I went and got a trailer full of food they brought to the school because they were wanting to to pack up 1500 bag lunches for the students and we got a lot of credit for bringing this trailer food.
But we didn't do anything. We went to the bank, we got some money out, we went to Costco. The people that deserve all the credit are the people that made 1500 sandwiches and delivered 1500 lunches. I did, I did the bare minimum there. But that's the kind of stuff. And that all came from my wife, you know, trying to be selfless. That's, that's, that's three things for me is seek happiness, be selfless and surround yourself with the right people. And let me, I don't think you can go wrong with this stuff. Yeah. I've had a lot of challenges though to be in poor, really affected Mesa. When I first started making money, I started buying stuff to try to impress people. Like you see these motorcycles, this means I'm made it. You see this big giant house for all you people that said I couldn't do with this means I made it. And I'm very open. I, I went as far as when I was 40 to buy a fake Rolex to try to impress people that didn't even know me. Like how ridiculous is that?
You know, I'm, I'm your age. I just turned 45 and I think that there is a moment that happens. [inaudible] Excuse me. I don't know if it's in your forties where you're like, this is all bullshit. I felt like we could spend so much time where you realize that just to peel back the layers, but I think something does happen in your forties where you've got enough runway behind you where you start to realize what's important and what's not. And it sounds like, you know, you and your family have really committed your life to service. And how can I serve, you know. And I did want to pause for a minute about build your life resume because some people may not know what that is, but that's how we know each other. Ms through build your life resume and it is a community that was launched and started by Jesse Itzler. Jesse Itzler is a serial entrepreneur and ultra marathon runner. He happens to be that has been of Sarah Blakely of Spanx.
And he's done amazing things, but he started this community called build your life resume. And it is, you know, how can you refocus what your time on not titles are not just getting an actual resume, but how can you push your self whether it's through your body or through your mind in a way where you focus on experiences and by nature, by pushing yourself in always being in a community of kind of pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and looking for what can I conquer next kind of thing, or what can I experience, what can I share with my children? By nature you're going to do better in life. I don't know if I've explained that properly, but I'm curious to know of how you got involved. And it's, you know, like I've looked at your Facebook feed and it looks like you're signing up for crazy stuff like here and there. So tell me, you know, you have hyperthyroid. He says hyperthyroid, hyperthyroidism. So tell me more about your experience with build your life resume and what it's done for you.
So I found Jesse through David Goggins and all that, started at a dinner, a business dinner one night, and we were talking about stuff. In some ways I think I was talking about I wanted to run a marathon at 40. I wanted to earn something. I'm not a runner. I'm not going to do it. It's not that important to me. I won't put in the work and effort and discuss like, have you ever heard of David Goggins? Who's the David Goggins? So I immediately started searching out David Goggins found ICH slur and then heard about the class. I signed up for three of them in a row. Because of the community. The community building those relationships were very important to me. So I signed up for three of them in a row. And, and like the last two, I didn't even take the, the classes or what the videos. It was all about community and building real relationships. And then I signed up for camp with the camp and that was a life changing experience when I wanted to to quit the endurance challenge a half a mile in and made it 12 point something. I'm like that's a half a marathon.
So this was the very first camp. Build your life resume that happened a couple of weeks ago. And it was part camp, part restoration and part endurance challenges.
Yes. Yeah, there was an endurance challenge. There was a cold plunge. We had seven or eight. You do the Copeland, I didn't, I took the chance, the opportunity to spend some time with, with Mark Brown of ex NFL player and was talking to him. But I mean we had amazing mindset speakers. The endurance challenge, I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit that thing a half a mile in and you would pass people and they'd say, keep going. You're doing great. And my, my legs were hurting and I just wanted to quit and give up. And midway through it I ran into a young lady that had to take a break and was crying in her hands and it hit me that if you quit, I quit. And then as, as I continued on, I was like, I can't quit because awkward in does is to give everybody else that wants to quit permission.
It's okay to quit at 100% of the people that started it, finished it. I'm 100% of the people that did the cold plunge state in the two minutes. It was, it was really, it was so much fun. Like I can't explain, it's difficult for people that haven't been, that that's not part of the community to understand it. Cause I kind of get the, yeah, that's cool. Move on. Attitude from, from people that, that aren't in it. But I've signed up for 2,929 which is another, yeah, I'm doing an item. I'm in June. Oh my. Yeah. And three days before that I'm going to climb Mount hood in Oregon. Good Lord. Like I'm 240 pounds. Can't walk up a flight of stairs without me and I'm climbing two mountains in six months. Great role model for your daughter. I'm doing it for me, but I'm also doing it to show these kids that I speak to like I want that summit picture on Mount hood to say the picture pre the picture on the summit of if you surround yourself with people that refuse to allow you to fail, I'm telling you can do anything.
And and, and that's it. And then again, the community at 2,929 will be the same as camp. And I want to earn something. I've had a ton of experiences that you can buy with a credit card. It's time to earn something and, and, and, and that's what, that's what I'm doing. 2020. It's going to be Epic. That is going to be Epic. A new decade. What a great way to do it. Well, how do people contribute to your mission? So the easiest thing to do right now is purchase books to donate to elementary students. It was, it's weird the, the plan was to sell books to schools that went very slow than it was to sell books to students. And one little boy at the first school I went to, Josh paid for his book with a bag of quarters. And that took me back to my childhood and the sacrifices my single mother had to make, you know, was that laundry money or was that money Josh's mother was saving for Christmas or birthday or maybe it was Josh's own money.
And he just didn't want to feel left out and, and like, I wouldn't have carried that baggy at quarters in the school. I know I w I would've been too ashamed. That bag of quarters just said, you don't have a $5 bill. And so I left a book for every student at that school and every student at the next several schools, my wife and I've donated over 3,500 copies. And the response has just gotten larger than we can financially take care of ourselves. So the easiest thing, the easiest way to help out is, is donate books for elementary age students. And you can do that@bullyonthebus.com and just pick, I mean one book, a hundred books, anything helps. But these kids, like the pictures I get with these students that want books and can't afford, I had one child come up to me with a dollar bill and I was like, what's that for?
He's like to buy my book. I mean, I didn't have the heart to tell him that needed four more dollars. Michael will take care of this. And I just gave him a book and I give books to kids all the time. How can you not, it's unbelievable to me to even be considered an author or to even think about like kids wanting this or looking at it. I mean there's 4,000 copies that are out there. If this little book that we wrote last year and shared this experience with kids, it's, it's can it be offered on and in the plans as well? Like how do you feel what you do? So I've talked about, I've talked to my people, I've got one lady that helps me out and she just is again in that circle of influence about, you know, getting us set up to where we do it on him.
Cause we did every bit of it. We self published, she wrote it, she found a way to go I think in last year. Yeah. And again, it's a, it's a, it's a K through three or fourth grade books. So I don't know that process and I'm not going to let somebody tell me it's not good enough. I'll just do it myself. That's kind of the way I've always done things. We need to get it on Amazon, we need to do all kinds of other things. But again, the focus for me has kind of shifted away fromK through five. I'll still go speak at those schools. I love talking to those kids, but, but the, the focus for me has really moved toward a middle and high school in the mental health aspect and let these kids know that they're not alone, that there's help out there. That current situation is only temporary. Uand just encouraged them to chase their dream and to surround themselves with the right people. And if I did it as cliche as it is, if I did it, anybody can. And it's not easy, but it is simple. It's simple to surround yourself. The thought of finding the right people to surround herself with is simple. It's not easy. It's caused me family. Like my brother doesn't speak to me to this day.
Yeah, that's why you said I was wondering what happened.
He came to work for me. I'd been recruiting him forever to come to work for me and when I sold my business he's never told me, but I think what happened was he lit jealousy and envy fill his heart and I didn't give him money. And so he got mad.
[Inaudible] That always it. Yeah. And I'm, I'm wondering what, you know, are there any advice you can give parents, adults, [inaudible] things to look out for if there was an option for us to intervene or educate people, you know, any, anything you know, that you've discovered on your travels that could help us?
Yeah, so I think what we needed to do for kids is just pay attention, communicate, look at what they're consuming online. Look if they're hanging out with new friends and what's going on there. And look, we all had friends growing up that our parents couldn't stand right. And in hindsight, my mom was right. You know, she knew that hanging out with whoever was a bad idea. But, but I think communicating again for any relationship, right, it all kind of boils down to communication and letting these kids know that it's okay. And I had somebody tell me the other day that they, they weren't anti therapy, but they felt like kids think going to therapy's cool now. So everybody wants to go to therapy, not to me, that was the most bizarre statement.
That's amazing.
Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I like to ride that line. Yeah, right. Like, like you should, I mean, if your kid wants to go to therapy, then you, you need to start having conversations with them and talking to them and just let them go talk to somebody. Like when I was going, my therapist finally told me, she's like, you don't need to be here like you're fired. I just, I'm just like, I enjoy coming in and getting stuff off my chest and there's no judgment and it's not like talking to my wife and, and you know, she's had a day at work and you know, she don't want to hear, be griping about seeing racism in the world. And my therapist like, yeah, bring it in here, we'll talk about it. So for me, that's kind of where it just turned into as a way to to vent and talk and communicate and you know, that's what I'm hoping all for these kids at these schools with this exercise to just let it out,
Get it off your chest. Let's talk about this stuff. I love what you're doing. So how can people find you?
Everything is Michaels, ed Johnson websites, Michael's ed, johnson.com. All social media is Michael's ed Johnson will get you there. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. I'm too old for Snapchat.
Take talk is where it's for all the kids. So that's what I tell them. Oh my God, I just sound so old. I'm like, you're too young for LinkedIn and I'm too old for Snapchat.
Well, yeah, Michael Zaid, Z E D Johnson is where everything's at.
And Bali on the bus.com. Well thank you so much. This was great. I love what you're doing. I'm thankful for what you're doing. If there's any way that I can help support you, I'd be glad to do it.
Ah, this is a huge help now. We're just trying to get the word. I really appreciate the opportunity. I'm always honored when I'm asked to share my story.
And one last question. So do you, you're in Myrtle beach, South Carolina. I saw that you just had a news story done on you on TV and it sounds like you're traveling or speaking in South Carolina. Are you traveling the nation or are you available for speaking at schools? So how do, how do people get in touch with you for that
Website? Michael Zed Johnson.com is the best way to do that. But yeah, I've, I've got one of the guys from BYOR trying to get me to New Jersey to come speak at his children's school district. I was speaking in Nashville earlier this year. I went to Portland to speak. But yeah, anybody that'll, that'll listen to my story. I'll be happy to come speak.
That sounds great. Well thank you so much Michael Johnson. I'm so glad you are a culture changer and thank you for [inaudible] being here tonight. You can't help but be so grateful for the self awareness and commitment that Michael's, that Johnson is made to really talk about bullying in a way that actually changes the culture. Thank you for all you do Michael. And as for a little left of center, these podcasts are available not only on your favorite listening app, but also on Decatur FM and on sales force radio. Text me or feedback get (470) 242-6311 go on. I'm serious. And if you haven't subscribed yet, my podcast, do it. Please leave a five star review. And most of all share this episode with all your friends and bullies. Culture changing is really a movement but only works when the ideas are shared. Thanks for listening and I will see you next week.