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On this week’s episode, Chatrice and Luis discuss being REALly in our relations. What does it mean to be your real self in relationships? Since the last episode, Luis has Florida travel adventures and went on their first triple date; meanwhile, Chatrice recently returned from DC and learned lessons for train travelling. For the main topic of bringing real selves into relaitonships , our hosts talk about when the real you shows up, self-sabotage, and Brené Brown’s definition of vulnerability.

Time Stamps
0:20 - Hello and Welcome Back Courting Cuties

1:56 - What have the hosts been up to since last time they recorded?

10:05 - Anxiety of being fat while flying

11:53 - New money

14:25 - Pro Tip for Solo Travel via Train

14:55 - Me moments for the hosts for the week

17:44 - Heux/Dating Tip: when going on a double date, an activity breaks the ice because there is something to do and something to come back to 

21:59 - Shout out for the culture: Nicole Sealey and #TheSealeyChallenge; Beyonce and her new Adidas x IVY PARK’s collection; Rihanna is a billionaire; Fenty jockstraps are coming, maybe?; Dr. Kate newest accomplishment

26:51 - Main Topic: Are we bringing our most real selves in our relationships? Do I want my partner to bring their true? Do I know who I am as a potential partner?

31:57 - What matters most in dating? 

33:44 - “The person you are in a relationship with shouldn’t be your everything”

35:13 - Point of episode, hosts examining themselves as opposed to the people they are dating

35:24 - Essence Article by Danielle Pointdujour

35:45 - “At some point the real you has to come out and all the little things you’ve been trying to hide need to come out of the closet, so you can be accepted for who you truly are –the good, the bad and the awkward.” - Danielle Pointdujour

36:38 - Generally speaking, when do you feel like the real you comes up or shows up?

37:11 - Luis speaks about how being in a relationship has been about understanding who they are along who they are with this person

38:48 - Loveprojectlove.com: “With the guy she fancied, she felt the need to perform and impress him, as there’s more at stake. This could be the one she could marry one day, so she needed to be on best behaviour, right?”

41:20 - Having someone show you intimacy in another ways; learning what hill Luis wants to die on; 

41:40 - Luis is asking what are blocks are they developing to self sabotage this relationship

42:00 - Mental shift: when you find someone good, it is weird to accept this

44:03 - Naming of being scared of having someone who is committed to relationships

45:19 - Dating someone who’s relationship green light is on: things are going to move

48:36 - Societal oppression: impacts sense of self for hosts as people of color

49:34 - Hard to let someone see all the bagge

50:00 - Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability: “There is no intimacy without vulnerability.” “The definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness.”

53:31 - Chatrice asking about the presence of her Blackness in a new relationship 

55:15 - Luis asks, as a person in a interrelationship relationship with a white person, how much labor should they do or want to do to educate about all things race?

56:27 - Luis coins a new term: race reminders

58:54 - Is there a moment or time where the hosts wish they were vulnerable or wish they were more vulnerable?

59:35 - Luis talks about navigating dating and the world as a non-cisgender man

1:04:20 - Hosts reminding themselves to take it one day at a time

1:04:41 - Nip it in the bud if we are sending in our representive

1:04:47 - Chatrice discussing body image and bringing it up to someone else, because then they are thinking about it 

1:06:45 - Brene Brown talking about waiting for the other shoe to drop

1:10:04 - Chatrice takeaway: try to be the person you admire someone for being especially in terms of vulnerability 

1:11:11 - Luis’ last thoughts: emotional exposure is so real, the hosts honor yours and their journey

1:11:41 - Luis says, “I am deserving of love, giving love and receiving love, and i cannot be my own block in doing so” 

1:13:09  - End of episode

Links

“Your Representative Should Not Be Dating, But You Should” by Danielle Pointdujour (via Essence.com)

“Who do you bring with you on a date? Yourself or a representative?” (via LoveProjectLove.com)

Website: courtingincolor.com / Email: CourtNColor@gmail.com / Instagram: @CourtNColor

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