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I didn\\u2019t even realize he was a narcissist until after we were divorced.

I felt like a fool for not seeing it, embarrassed because it took me that long to put a label on it.

But the truth is, it didn\\u2019t need a label. I knew something was wrong six days after we returned from our honeymoon.

I stood at the kitchen counter opening the mail. As I scanned the unusually high cable bill, I saw one pornographic movie after another. It felt like someone just sucked all of the air out of the room. He was sitting right there and saw my face. I was never one to cower in fear, so I pounced like a puma.

I challenged him, and his response was the beginning of what I could see was a dream turned nightmare.

He said, \\u201cWell, since you didn\\u2019t put out, what did you expect me to do?\\u201d\\u201d

Amazing how it was MY FAULT. Don\\u2019t think for a second that I assumed that responsibility.

Still, I didn\\u2019t know what to do. It was early enough to bail, but I stayed. I decided to be a loving, understanding wife who wins her husband to Christ.

But two months in, he came to me and said, \\u201cYou know that whole church thing we\\u2019ve been doing? You can go, but I just don\\u2019t think it\\u2019s for me anymore.\\u201d

Again, I felt bamboozled. He fooled me into thinking he had come to Christ and wanted a Christian marriage.

Needless to say, the marriage was strained at that point. I realized that his man wanted to be married in title only.

It started to dawn on me that he was proud to brag to his colleagues about his young wife, but he lived his life like he was a bachelor.

At the beginning of our marriage, he said he would like to wait three years before we had kids.

Three years came and he said, \\u201cI never said that. I said, after three years we could talk about it and see if that\\u2019s what we want. And I\\u2019ve thought about it and I just don\\u2019t think that\\u2019s something \\u2018we\\u2019 want.\\u201d

I may not have known then that he was a narcissist, but after this, there was no doubt that he was a lying, self centered control freak that was using me for everything.

That\\u2019s when I entered phase two of the marriage, which was, \\u201cGod get me out of here.\\u201d

Love was not driving this ship anymore. I confess\\u2014I hated him. I hated who he was and what he had done to my dreams. And worst of all, I hated that the beautiful Christian marriage I had longed for turned out to be a scam.

Once he knew that I was on to him, it went from bad to worse.

There was no way I was staying in that toxic house with that lying manipulator. I prayed, \\u201cGod I love you, but I\\u2019m not staying here another minute. Do what you have to do to me, but I\\u2019m out.\\u201d

Then a counselor I was working with calmed me down and said, \\u201cAre you willing to trust God to either change him or deliver you?\\u201d

I was definitely praying that God would change him, but the thought of deliverance had never occurred to me. A sudden peace came over me, knowing that it wasn\\u2019t my responsibility to change him and I wasn\\u2019t trapped. I could trust God to be God.

Then I entered phase three: \\u201cGod I\\u2019ll trust you.\\u201d

I\\u2019ve made more impulsive decisions to try to take the bull by the horns than I care to admit. Although now there was a little voice in me that kept saying \\u201ctrust me,\\u201d my flesh had it\\u2019s running shoes on.

I knew my decision would be a pivotal moment in my walk with God. \\u201cAm I going to keep doing things my way? Or will I follow Him, even though I have NO idea what this will look like?\\u201d

I won\\u2019t lie, my prayers were more for my deliverance than it was for God to change my husband. But the more I trusted God with whatever the outcome would be, the more I grew in maturity.

I spent SOO much time with God. It was glorious. I even reached a point where I prayed, \\u201cGod, if delivering me from this means